Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2008 is quickly coming to an end. So tell us exactly what happened in this unforgettable year.
How old did you turn? 31 Ughh don't remind me. I prefer to think of it as 21, since 31 is the new 21 right? Yeah shut up I know I 'm getting old.
What school did you go to? A local University here where I live. I did all online classes this last semester and really liked it alot even though I miss being around 18 year old girls that look like they eat only ice chips and model for Vogue. Envy is a resolution I'm working on for next year.
Tell us about something good that happened: Lots of things, I met Eric, I got all As in school, I started this blog and have made some great new friends, rekindled an old friendship etc etc
Did you change much? I don't know? I guess I changed in the fact that I was the one that ended the relationship this Spring when there was really nothing wrong with him just he was wrong for me. I would have never walked away from something or someone who loved me that much before. I just wasent ready to settle again.
Are you happy with who you have become? Very I love being a mother more than anything and think I have really "grown' into that role well
Tell us a song you were hooked on: I love Flowering Spade by Sean Hayes It is playing constantly on my iPod.
Did you go to the beach? I wish! Maybe this new year I can get a vacation in somewhere warm!
Did you get really dressed up for anything? No not really a couple of weddings that were really courthouse casual this summer. Oh I did wear a dress for my ex's brothers wedding that was during my skinny pre gaining 10 pounds in a month days so I looked pretty smokin!! I mean if I do say so myself.
Tell us a funny thing that happened? My kids make me laugh everyday. I ran into a telephone pole while running I am sure that was hilarious for the people that were watching it.
Tell us the saddest thing that happened? My Dad's dog Dook had to be put to sleep yesterday. That was really sad. We knew he was sick and that putting him down was inevitable but it was a tough thing to read from my Dad. Also losing Jack the cat was really sad too. I am lucky my two legged family memebers have all been happy and healthy this year!
What are your plans for New Year? Going out with E to do who knows what since he has made secret plans that are driving me crazy not knowing!!
What are you most looking forward to next year? School, running in the nicer weather, Summer, vacationing with E and his girls. Hopefully going out to Seattle to see my Mom and sis. Lots of things...
Tell us something you plan on changing for next year? Well I want to be healthier in what I eat. Train more, be more patient, the usual things
Think back to the beginning of the year and now think of now what’s different: Oh God I was living with a man, I had a different car, a different hair color, I was a different jean size : )
Are you happy with what happened this year? I am very happy I was fortunate to have had a good year when so many people around me were losing jobs and homes, and retirement savings, I somehow got around all that and feel very very blessed
Was 2008 your best year? Well I am planning to have lots more years so I am gonna say that this isnt my best that it is yet to come!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Year's Eve tomorrow night. I am going to venture out into the public for the first New Year's celebration that wasn't spent in my house or someone else's house since high school. I am very much looking forward to partying like a grown up and laughing at the drunk people. Happy New Year!
Time for New Beginnings
"This is a time for reflection as well as celebration.
As you look back on the past year and all that has taken place in your life,
Remember each experience for the good that has come of it and for the knowledge you have gained.
Remember the efforts you have made and the goals you have reached.
Remember the love you have shared and the happiness you have brought.
Remember the laughter, the joy, the hard work, and the tears.
And as you reflect on the past year, also be thinking of the new one to come.
Because most importantly, this is a time of new beginnings and the celebration of life."
Saturday, December 27, 2008
This year has been interesting to say the least. I started the year in a relationship and am ending it with a new one. A better one and one that I didn't just settle for. That's my first resolution for the new year:
1. No more settling. Time to realize that just because I am a woman, or a single mom, or in school, or over 30, it shouldn't matter...no more excuses. No more settling for someone of something that is just okay. I am aiming high. I have a tendency to accept things that will just get be by. A job that just pays the bills, or a relationship that nothing terrible about it but nothing too terribly exciting either. No more. Watch out world.
2. Join a gym. I haven't worked up the whole go and work out at the gym yet. But I am pretty excited about carrying the card around in my purse and having $60 deducted from my bank account every month. Baby Steps...
3. You know that old joke when someone asks you what your New Year's Resolution is and they say they are going to quit smoking crack, or cigarettes or turnips...but they don't really smoke those things? Yeah I know I am laughing on the inside too. That's me I don't smoke but I resolve to be a supportive girlfriend of a man who is going to try and quit smoking...cause lets face it, its no freakin fun. As a former smoker I know how hard it is for the actual quitter, but as the girlfriend that has to be around the person that is quitting? Ughhh I suck at being understanding and putting up with tiredness and grouchiness and etc., etc. So I am gonna be chanting the "God give me the patience" prayer in my sleep this year. E has said he is gonna quit. As much as I think smoking is soo sexy. I want him healthy and alive for along time...preferably with me. So I will try to be the best cheerleader there is and maybe throw in a couple of rewards for his progress *wink wink*
4. Run a half marathon. I am confident this will happen. I can run the mileage pretty easily. Its just I have this nasty little habit of not doing anything unless I know I can be the best. Kind of reverse perfectionism. If I don't think I can do it perfectly I just don't try. So in 2009 I am gonna run it, I am gonna finish the race and not care if I don't finish first. Show my girls and boys what their Mom can do and to prove it to my self I can run more than 6 miles and not keel over.
5. Be a better Mom. I make this one every year I think cause Christmas just seems like a big slap in the face of the reality of time passing, and how they won't be little forever. My niece MY NIECE!! is turning 18! this February. Graduating from high school this May. Holy crap! I remember when she was born! I remember when she started kindergarten! It seems like only yesterday she was graduating from 8th grade!
My sister cries every time the subject comes up and I wonder if she is thinking back on to all things she wished she would/could have done with her little girl who is now almost an adult. I don't want that. I mean I know they will get older but I don't want to look back and think that I just did the minimum Mom requriments. The whole settling thing again.
I have my kids I am going to start once a month taking one of them to do something special with just me. Its hard when you have four kids and only two hands to always get to do everything that a specific kid wants to do. Lily my 7 year old is dying to go ice skating but I don't think I could hold on to 4 hands and keep myself upright on the ice without someone getting a blade in the head. So I figured this would be the best thing for me and the kids to get to hang out and do something they normally wouldn't get to do with all of their siblings. As the lovely VodkaMom recently commented "Time is a thieving bastard" I plan to catch the mother fucker head on this year and at least slow it down for an afternoon.
There are so many things I want to do better this coming year: floss more, love more, eat less, enjoy the little things more, worry less... all the things I think about doing every new year, hell every new week. Sometimes I get there sometimes I don't, so these guidelines are just that,guidelines. That way when the things that I want to get accomplished do get done it is that much more rewarding then when the things that don't get done don't. I am really just not making any sense to myself anymore...You get the general idea don't ya?
This year has been on the whole a good year. I sent my little girl to kindergarten, we elected the first black President, I got all A's in school and finished 2 more semesters, my ex and I have started to at least be on civil speaking terms for the kid's sake, and I met one of the most amazing men I could have ever asked for (no not George Clooney maybe in 2009) and I am happy, healthy and breathing.
I wish all of you a very happy New Year.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
This next video is not a Christmas song but its my Dad so I can show him some Chirstmasy love by posting this one. He has only been playing the Hammer Dulcimer for about 7 years and is incredibly good. This is a video he posted on youtube for my stepmom who loves The Wizard of Oz. So here is my Dad playin Somewhere Over The Rainbow:
I hope you all have a great and Merry Christmas. Don't drink too much, don't eat too much, don't stay too long, but laugh alot, bite your tongue alot, and remember you are making memories. I love all my blogisphere peeps out there. Happy Holidays
Sunday, December 21, 2008
I try and be a semi good mother occasionally and was reading some bedtime stories to the girls tonight when I came across this book I had almost forgotten that I had. Unlike seemingly every other Mother on the planet, I didn't feel that overwhelming love or connection right after the birth of my first child, which when I was given this book. I read it put it down and hoped to God that I would someday stop feeling like I was just babysitting and form a bond with this little thing in my arms. I of course did and it hit me hard, like a steam roller and all my inner cheesy Momness came gushing out. Then with the birth of the second and third and fourth babies, loving them came like second nature, even though I may not have fallen in love with them immediately I knew because of my experience with Lily that it would eventually happen. Reading this book tonight was yet another reminder just how much they need me. How much our kids need us as parents to be their carriage, to be their bridge and to be there for them with open arms.
I don't know what's gotten into me recently...if its my youngest getting older, or my oldest still getting oldest(?), or me just getting older, or all the paint fumes coming from my laundry room, but I cried like a baby while I was reading this. Shocking and apparently providing much entertainment for my wee ones. It reminded me of what is important to me that simple things like reading a book or telling them a story or singing a song means more to them then the newest iPod or video game. Ughhh pass me the whole freakin box of tissues now. When the hell did I become such a softy?
Here are the lines from the book You Are My I Love You by Maryann Cusimano. Any of you who have children somehow somewhere at sometime in your life, know that as much as they drive the living daylights out of you (especially on snow days and Christmas vacations) they are everything you never thought you needed and more. If you are a parent, or have a parent, or know a parent, get this book, read it or reread it, have a good cry and hug your kids or someones kids tight (just make sure you have permission if they aren't your own.)
I am your parent;
You are my child.
I am your quiet place;
you are my wild.
I am your calm face;
you are my giggle.
I am your wait;
you are my wiggle.
I am your carriage;
you are my king.
I am your push;
you are my swing.
I am your audience;
you are my clown.
I am your London Bridge;
you are my falling down.
I am your carrot sticks;
you are my licorice.
I am your dandelion;
you are my first wish.
I am your water wings;
you are my deep.
I am your open arms;
you are my running leap.
I am your way home;
you are my new path.
I am your dry towel;
you are my wet bath.
I am your dinner;
you are my chocolate cake.
I am your bedtime;
you are my wide awake.
I am your finish line;
you are my race.
I am your praying hands;
you are my saying grace.
I am your favorite book;
you are my new lines.
I am your night-light;
you are my starshine.
I am your lullaby;
you are my peekaboo.
I am your good-night kiss;
you are my I love you.
Damn it just writing it gets me all teary. At the risk of sounding like a afterschool special, I think during the holiday season more than any other time of year, when we are rushing to buy the latest or newest, or fastest or coolest toys and gadgets, even when economically things have been tight on our pocketbooks, we still feel the need to give them things to prove to them how much we love them. Even if that's not our outward intent, it stills comes from the thought that if you have more, you are loved more. Which as an adult I still fall victim to that way of thinking. Simple children books like this make me realize that we are everything to them even if we have seemingly nothing in the eyes of the World. CEO of a fortune 500 company or laid off after 10 years at a job, we are King or Queen of the Planet to them.
Nothing seems to be slipping away faster than time right now and time that I so desperately want to stop for just an hour to savor in all their little kid naughtiness and lovableness. I want to be their I love you for as long as they will need me to be, and they of course will always be mine.
Friday, December 19, 2008
I didn't want to be a single mom. I knew alot of women, your Grandma included, who did it by themselves and did it well. It just didn't seem natural to me,being pregnant alone, giving birth by myself and definitely being driven home with you from the hospital by my best friend instead of my husband was a feeling of helplessness and anxiety that I can probably never explain to you. I got over that quickly and you taught me more about myself then I ever hoped to learn. You showed me the power that I never knew I had, to do this on my own. You gave me the confidence I needed to not give up. The determination to be a better role model, to be a great mom, and to prove to myself that I could do this and do it well.
My World changed the day I held your little cheesy baby body in my arms. I was so wrapped up in myself and everything that had happened during the pregnancy that your cries your presence was enough to snap be back to the reality of what I was and who needed me the most. I could whine and complain till the cows came home, but you still needed to be fed, to be held and most of all to be loved. I knew I could do that and you made it so easy to do. The circumstances surrounding your birth only led to your absolute uniqueness and not for a second did it take away from the magic of seeing and experiencing a new life come into this world.
Your birth baby boy, your existence in my life made me realize the sheer willpower that I never knew was there. You cried in the middle of the night I was it, the only one to take care of you. Your diaper needed to be changed? As much as your big sisters wanted to help, I was it, no more passing the buck, no more delegating. You were the beginning of my new normal and like it or not I had to take this new challenge on with confidence, and a "No Bitching Allowed" attitude. I learned quickly that I could complain but you could care less if I had just changed your diaper five minutes ago, or had been up all night with a sick toddler, or had to get the little girls off to school, clean, shop, shower, and lose the 40 pounds of pregnancy weight all in a span of 10 minutes, or so it seemed. You needed me, I was the most stable thing in your life. And if you realized how scary that was, you probably would have worked out some sort of bribe with the baby next to you in the hospital nursery to switch armbands so you could go home with his parents. We made it, two years, the best and worst two years of my life.
You are my last baby, my very first little redhead, my fourth child, and my reason for getting out of bed when I just wanted to get back under the covers and feel sorry for myself. You and your brother and sisters have been my constant. When things seem to be losing perspective and my world gets a little bit shaky, I step back into this life and remind myself that all of you need me, all of me. When my life took a big downward spiral when I was pregnant with you I couldn't imagine what my life would be like with another baby. Now with your sweet little smile and perfect fit into our family, I couldn't imagine what my life would be without you in it.
As you get older Nathan, and will inevitably need me less and less, know this, you can always come back to me to steady yourself, to find some perspective and always to find love.
Happy Birthday my little Red.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
I really do love it here for the time being at least, my family is here and my life, but I hate when I can't see the people I love because of shitty weather. I don't mind the snow or driving in the snow, but when it is pouring down ice that is just not right, and I don't care what kind of 4 wheel drive vehicle you own it just becomes one big flying ton of metal on nights like tonight, which leaves me with some *ahem* pent up energy that needs to be dealt with. God damn weather.
And yes I will have some cheese with my wine.
Me: Hey kid how was the shopping trip? Did you get me something fabulous?
And by fabulous I mean something fabulous cause its from my kid and costs no more than $5. You gotta love those shop by themselves places
Son: Me got you something great mama. You want me to give you a hint?
Me: Sure but don't tell me what it is I wanna be surprised on Christmas morning.
Son: OK Me got you something that is round and shiny and fits on your finger.
Me: Hmmmm I have no idea! I bet its pretty though.
Son: Oh yeah and it starts with an R. You're gonna love it mama. Fofie got you something that hangs on the tree and is square and looks like Santa Clause. Lily...me don't remember what she got you.
Me: Oh I know I will love everyone's gifts! I can't wait to find out what it is?!
If you need me I'll be working on my surprised faces in the mirror! I love Christmas.
Friday, December 12, 2008
My boyfriend at the time, who really was just no help in the "man department" suggested getting a cat. I had been thinking about getting one for a long time anyway. The kids were getting older and cats were easier than human babies, so why not? Cats are pretty low maintenance and I just don't get attached to them like I do dogs or you know humans so I thought perfect lets get a cat, it will keep the mice and rats and other things I don't want in my house away.
The next morning we go to the shelter and pick out Jack our cat. He was a kitten and the lady at the shelter thought he was born in January so we decided that Jack and Sophie (my second baby) would have the same birthday. (Score one for the kid who thinks nobody loves her.) We take him home spoil him rotten with new toys, kitty beds, and the best food. He is loved/hated by the kids, he is a kitten so he is very "spirited" You know spirited like what I was trained as a teacher to tell the parents of the bratty kids. "No no, Mrs. Jones, little Johnny isn't disrupting the class climbing over the desks to get to my pencil holder to start throwing pencils at his fellow classmates, he's just spirited! Who wants 20 kids that behave all the time anyway??" Yeah like that.
Eventually, come September or so the little boys started to really fall in love with the cat. He would sleep on Nick's bed at night and after Nick and Nathan got home from their Dad's house on Thursdays they would race through the house yelling for Jack. After finding him they would spend a scary amount (no doubt for the cat) of time laying on him and telling him how much they missed him, as the cat, I am sure, was just expressing his love and amount he missed the boys by scratching at their faces and biting their legs.
Many times throughout these eight months I have thought about giving him back to the pound or at the least finding him a nice home without kids.
Many times I have cleaned up bloody scratches and soothed broken hearts as the kids don't understand why the cat would bite/scratch run away from them when all they wanted to do was "play with him"
Many times I caught myself petting that damn thing as I sat and watched T.V. wondering how the sound of his purring could make me feel calm and happy.
Many times I laughed at the pictures I took of the kids trying to dress Jack up in Cabbage Patch clothes, or unsuccessfully trying to put make-up on him.
I thought we were making progress though, after the little guy got neutered he calmed down a bit. I don't know if that was my imagination or if after being desexed he just didn't have the desire anymore to prove that he was the alpha pet in this household.
I don't get attached to cats. I just don't. I know its probably my cold cold heart, but I used to be a big embarrassing cat lover. Before Lily we had a cat who I loved more than life itself. I had about 340 picture albums full of all the cute things the cat did. When I got pregnant with Lily, I used to tell people that if Lily was allergic to the cat, then I would put Lily's crib in the garage (and I was only really halfway kidding). I couldn't imagine loving my baby more than I loved my "first baby". Then I had her and I could barely remember the cats name, and the pictures of the cat got replaced with thousands of pictures of my sweet little baby. It's that thing that until you have your own just doesn't make sense but it happened to me even as much as I tried to resist it. I wasn't worried that this time around it would be hard for me to stay detached from something that wasn't really an extension of myself.
I took care of Jack gave him fresh water and food every night, and changed his litter box every morning, but I didn't have that undying love toward him that comes so easily when little bitty pieces of your heart are walking around.
Jack got outside alot. I even stopped looking for him when he would get out. I figured who am I to deny him his kitty freedom. He would cry at the door and I was convinced he was trying to espcape from this kidtastic house he was thrust into. He would always come back at night to eat and sleep, and he almost never wanted to go out when it was cold or rainy. I thought What the hell? He had his shots and he couldn't impregnate any of the neighborhood girl cats so why not let him run around outside and have his kitty fun. Nick, my four year old thought that Jack went across the street and played with the neighbors dog. Yeah that dog weighs more than me, and I am pretty sure the cat wasn't over there playing cards but who knows stranger acquaintances have been formed.
I leave for Kewanne where my boyfriend lives every Tuesday afternoon and am back on Thursday mornings. I ALWAYS put the cat in the house before I leave, or at least make sure a neighbor gets him in the house or garage if I can't find him before I go. Well this weekend I didn't. It had just started to rain and it was freezing and icky out and I ran around the house with Jack's food bowl and called his name, but no luck. So I called a friend and just asked her to keep an eye out for him and took off. He has been outside before with no problems and I wasn't too worried, expect I didn't want him to be too cold.
I get home Thursday morning. I have a call on my phone with the animal shelter, thinking that Jack had somehow gotten picked up by animal control I quickly call them back without listening to the message, at the exact moment the lady is telling me that Jack was turned in by a couple who had hit him with their car, my wonderful neighbor Bill was knocking on my door with a note, from this person, who had thought the cat had belonged to my neighbor, since apparently Jack had run out from his driveway, and had left a note on his front door.
As I am reading the note that said that this man was very sorry but that my cat had ran out in front of his car and that they didn't have time to stop, that they had taken my cat to their vet but that he had died on impact, the vet had said, and that their doc had recommend taking him to the pound in case I had that tracking chip put in him when I had adopted him (I had) ,that is how the shelter got my number and was waiting to hear from me before they did anything with his body.
I'm not so good with death. Human death, animal death, death of strangers or loved ones, I don't exactly handle myself all that great. I felt sick to my stomach and even though I never really did bond with Jack, the thought of my kids not having him around anymore was enough to make me start to bawl right there on the phone.
The lady at the shelter we'll just call her "the bitch with no tact" was at that moment giving me a lecture on why I should have not let my cat get outside and how this is why the shelter sees so many accidents and an increase in their animal population every year is because of owners like myself who don't care enough about their pets to keep them safe indoors. If I hadn't been so completely in shock at that moment I would have told that lady to bite me in not so few of words, but I didn't I cried and apologized and cried to my neighbor who told me that it wasn't my fault and made me hot chocolate. You can tell he has to be the best grandpa ever.
When my boys got home from their Dad's, as usual the first thing my four year old does is go around the house and yell for Jack with his brother and partner in crime behind him yelling "Kitty! Kitty!" Now I am not a softy by any means but that broke my heart. Ughh I had to tell them that Jack wasn't here and that I thought maybe he had ran away for awhile to go and play with his kitty friends down the street. I had no idea how to deal with that on a kid level. "Hey kids, your know your mom? Yeah she failed miserably as a pet owner and Jack is now eating meow mix in the sky." ???? The girls who never got so attached to them weren't that disappointed, now they could leave their bedroom door open at night so the cat wouldn't get in and jump on their feet all night.
It was a sad day for me yesterday, it was a day that I look on as a big fat failure for me as a grownup. I hate to fail. I hate to do something that I know was half assed by leaving him outside instead of looking for him. I know I am a more responsible person than that and it pisses me off that I didn't take the time to find him and put him inside where he wouldn't meet tires on the road. I think I am gonna take a break from raising any kind of furry animals for awhile, maybe a nice house plant? We will all undoubtably miss him here in our family and I am just very grateful that we had him for these eight months.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
So you wanna know what my brain age is?? I know you are all dying to know the IQ of the chick that has the hots for Gary Sandberg right? At least maybe it will give me some sort of excuse for the dreams? Ready? It's 56! Fifty freakin six years old?! I just got all As this semester at school. All As you smarty pants talking head on there who told me that my brain was tired and that if I rest more and eat carbs first thing in the morning...oh and do these exercises I will train my brain and it will eventually become more energetic and hopefully not as old and tired. The tests on the game are kind of fun..and yes I can admit some are a bit more challenging than others. For example the first one showed you words that were names of the primary colors (red, yellow, blue, green) the lettering was colored sometimes the same as the word like yellow would be written in yellow ink and sometimes yellow would be written in blue ink and you would have to say out loud into the Nintendo what the actual color is. Piece of cake right? Hell no! On top of people looking at me funny for screamin "BLUE, no shit I mean YELLOW, I SAID YELLOW!!" into a video game I also realized just how my brain works or should I say doesn't work. I'm not gonna lie, just a bit embarrassing on all levels. My goal is 20 years old. That is the optimum brain age according to this game. I think they probably will never let you get to 20 because then what? I like the game now and will now have to make up some sort of excuse, possibly that Santa must have been eating Cheetos while delivery my kid's Christmas gifts, since the screen is now somewhat icky. Have I told you all that I HATE to lose. I was up late last night doing the Sudoku puzzles on there. That is better than crack! Has anyone ever done those? I didn't get how to do it at first but now I am hooked and needed somewhat of a mini intervention to shut the game off last night. I will have a brain of a 20 year old God Damn it.
So I am off to run now, which is supposed to somehow strengthen my peripheral cortex muscles, and hopefully my leg muscles as well.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Its Gary Sandberg, a city council member, and a Peoria institution all in and of himself, known at least by me for his long winded explanations about why he opposes everything and anything and of course for his bow ties. Now the guy is pretty cool, and I think he enjoys what he does and going to bat for the "little people" of the Peoria area totally earned my respect for this guy. He dances to the beat of a different drummer. Has opinions and opinions and um opinions that other people may not always agree with but you have to have some sort of admiration for anyone who doesn't just follow the obvious path. But having naked Gary Sandberg dreams is like me having sex dreams about my ex father-in-law. I am sure the guy has some smooth moves, and is very popular with the ladies in his own right, but come on brain where did all my predictable heartthrobs go during my R.E.M. sleep? Where's the Brads and the Georges, hell even where's my sexy ass boyfriend? But please no more Garys. He's all I can think about and I blush everytime I see that picture . Its like having a bee buzzing in your ear and you keep swatting it away but the buzzing is still there. Help...
I do kind of have a thing for older guys with that salt and pepper hair thing going on. It always reminds me of my therapist who I had a very inappropriate affair with, once upon a time (a blog post for a different day). So that's probably where this dream/crush can from, since if I were to have a crush on any of the city council members it would probably me the Mayor, I mean I think most of us would agree that he is pretty easy on the eyes, or that Madam Clerk lady she sounds kind of hot. Just sayin...
I can't be the only one who has a tiny crush on Gary am I? Come on here's your chance ladies. Back me up. Tell me I am not crazy and don't need to seek professional help ASAP, I mean for this anyway.
Monday, December 8, 2008
So here are the rules:
1. Put your iTunes or MP3 player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? I Love Your Brain
2.WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? I'm Not Dead (I'm In Pittsburgh)
3.WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Stormy Weather
4.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? Pearls On A String
5.WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Penniless Patron (LMFAO)
6.WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? You Belong To My Heart
7.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? You Can Close Your Eyes
8.WHAT IS 2+2? O My Soul
9.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Jet Black River
10.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Bananaphone (God I love Raffi)
11.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Trains
12.WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Don't Forget
13.WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Break My Body
14.WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Greentoad
15.WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? My Favorite Kiss
16.WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Just Like the Moon
17.WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Dixie Chicken
18.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? The Winner Takes It All
19.WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? You're Pretty When I'm Drunk (only slightly embarressed I have that on iTunes)
20.HOW WILL YOU DIE? Politics
21.WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? Ooh Ahh
22.WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? Poprocks and Coke
23.WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? Warm Weather (oh it sooo doesn't)
24.WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? Simple + Ideal
25.WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? There Goes My Gun
26. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? Shake That
27.WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? The Sun Is A Mass of Incandescent Gas
28.WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Goodbye Lorriane
Not tagging anyone... if you want to play along, feel free!!!
Ok that was a silly amount of fun! Can you tell I have finals tomorrow and want to do anything besides study? I also have an abnormal amount of Frank Black and The Pixies in my iTunes account. I am totally blaming the boyfriend for that. I also think I have not passed the age of 13 in my head. I am goona go buy me some MadLibs now and make some prank phone calls.
Friday, December 5, 2008
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Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Playing in the snow with kids....nope all were cold and wet within 5 minutes.
Thanksgiving....nope everyone got along and no family secrets were revealed.
Christmas shopping...nope I shop online so no crowds no mess no trampling stories to tell.
All that keeps going through my head is that I need to buy cat food, and how I wish I would have said yes to taking leftovers on Thanksgiving cause I could really go for a turkey sandwich right about now, and how I much I think that Kate from John and Kate Plus Eight is really a psycho blond bitch and am thinking she secretly killed Aunt Jody and hid her body so she couldn't steal her spotlight,and how I sooo hate the snow cause I can't run outside and my treadmill is not working so I am like a teenage girl who is PMSing BIG time times 100 cause I need to move my legs, and how I can't wait to take English 110 next semester so I can learn how to not use run on sentences in my blogs.
Hopefully more interesting posts to come. I am gonna ask Santa for some creativity while he's dropping off the kid's Wii.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
My ex-husband has the kids this year for Thanksgiving and Tuesdays are usually his "weekend" anyway so I knew he would be there at the program with Nate. I didn't see him at first cause it was crowded in there and I just assumed he would sit with me since Nick would want to eat with all of us.
Big Fat Wrong.
He comes in the dining area where the feast is and he isn't holding Nathan which is odd. Even though Nate likes to pretty much be independent whenever he gets the chance nowadays I thought he would at least have him near him. He walked up to Nick before the program started and gave him a kiss then went to go find a place to sit. I yell "Hey Sperm Donor! I saved you and Nathan a seat if you want" No Thanks, he said, we already have a space. WTF? What do you mean and where is my kid? That's when it happened that's when I saw the woman who has in a sense replaced me. She came in holding my baby and he was surprisingly calm and not spitting or clawing at her neck or screaming demon prophecies. And talk about tears welling up in my eyes. Its okay I love that Nate loves her I just have never seen his girlfriend before today. I didn't know she was coming with her little girl to see my baby sing. I suddenly felt like going over to her and ripping Nathan from her arms and telling her she would in no way ever replace me. But then thought better of it and took a drink of whiskey from my watch flask (kidding, but wouldn't that be kickass?)
We have been divorced for a year now just last week it was a year. Separated for 2 and half, I have dated alot, lived with a boyfriend, and am now dating someone great, since we separated, and I am happy that he has found someone, but it doesn't stop it from feeling all kinds of unnatural to be across the room from one another watching the best part about us singing Thanksgiving songs and not be together smiling and sharing in that. We weren't good for each other, toxic really, but it still makes me sad that we became a statistic. That we were that 1 in 2 couple that divorced. That my babies have to split their holidays and their homes, and their parents. Will they be better or worse off? Who knows. I do know that they see us both happier and healthier than we ever were together and how bad can that be? Plus they get two Christmases a year which was personally my favorite part about being from a divorced home.
Little Nathan never knew his Dad in his house, and the other kids were little too when it happened. They know the word divorce and what it means and have friends who's parents are going through the same thing. Its sad, when my parents split back when I was in 2ND grade there was only two other kids in my school in the same situation, now I bet half of Lily's class is either single moms/dads or divorced parents. Dale and I are very friendly with each other and had always joked that we wanted to be cool divorced parents like Demi and Brice Willis, it hasn't worked out entirely like that but we do agree that even though we didn't work out as a couple we did four things right and I know that both of us wouldn't change that for the world. As hard as it was for me to see him with her today, to know that he has a family with her and as hard as it is to admit that that marriage failed, that the family we had started won't ever be like that again, its okay. Its my new normal. So as I give thanks on Thursday for the ridiculous amounts of blessings I have been given I will be thankful that even the sperm donor found someone to love and spend his life with, that my kids love her, are healthy and damn cute, and that I am sooo much skinnier than her. (Come on you know I had to throw that one in)
Sunday, November 23, 2008
How the hell does David Spade get so many hot blonds? I mean I know they are kind of older washed up actress blonds but dude! I get the whole funny guy thing and we all know from my love of Chris Matthews that I am not the most conventional in my attraction to men...but David Spade? He kind of looks like a rat. And he's short, well I don't know if he is short or not but he looks short. Hmmm I don't get it.
People answering their cell phones in the public restrooms..I mean while they are on the toilet? I try to make it a general life law to not use public restrooms, but when the kid is doing the pee pee dance up and down Grand Prairie yesterday I had to give in and go. While I was laying the toilet paper protective cover all around the rim of the seat I heard someones cell phone ring. Oh I am sure she is not going to get it while she is in there doing her "bizness" . Oh but she did. "Hi Karen, no, no this is a great time to talk" Barf. I am sure that if Karen knew what her friend was doing at that exact moment she would have gladly called her back in five.
Now this goes back to high school days but why do men feel the need to shout out comments from their car when I am running? Seriously, I mean the whole "Hey baby", "What's your number?" "Can I run with you?" They don't make any sense? I am on Allen Road and Big Hollow waiting for the light to change and I got asked the above questions from two different cars. Does that ever work? I mean what if I said "Sure come on get out of your big truck with the cow testicles hanging from the back and come run with me. I am sure your Carhart overalls will be real wind resistant and you could totally make it like a half a block before the smell of deer urine overwhelmed me and I passed out." Great...
Why my son insists on eating cat litter? I don't get it. I mean I see the appeal of playing in the litter box since it resembles a very small sandbox, but eating it? What the hell does cat litter look like that would be tempting to eat? It looks like cat litter. Gag. I am hoping he grows out of it and it doesn't mean he has some sort of vitamin deficiency and I am ignoring it. But seriously cat litter? I am totally blaming the sperm donor's genes on that one.
And some random things as well:
Technology in general, insurance or cell phone plans, really how a satellite television works,why old people drive huge cars, math , spending more then my mortgage payment on shoes, why the McChicken is so damn good, men, Space travel, that movie Memento... the list goes on and on.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Lily (7 year old): In a rare act of kindness Lily agrees. Sure Nick come here. Hugs brother tightly.
Is that better? Are you warm now? Already annoyed that she agreed to touch her brother.
Nick: Yeah that's okay...Mom's hugs are better though.
Lily: Well yeah but thats because she has bigger boobs.
Nick nods fully understanding the "bigger the boobs the better the hugs theory"
Friday, November 21, 2008
Shit now I have The Beatles, Why Don't We Do It In the Road stuck *sigh*
Anyway this is purely and solely a procrastination post. A post that nobody is going to benefit from, no one will think it is that entertaining or humorous but it is what it is. I need to clean, mainly I need to clean the 74 crayons my son stuck down the vent and the bag of chips he threw all over the kitchen floor and is now rolling in getting them all nice and ground up for me and the bugs that I am sure love my house. I need to put back the curtain he tried to swing on yesterday when he got put in his crib for a "time out" mainly a mom time out so I wouldn't hurl him out the window. Apparently my son is a hoarder and so now I need to wash his sheets, wall, son, crib, because all the food he stashed in his crib was somehow spread everywhere I mean everywhere. Oh yeah and litter, cat litter I need to clean out of my washing machine because he dumped the litter box on the laundry room floor then shoved the said box in the washing machine. And yes I do watch him, I don't follow him around 24/7, but hell I have four so its not like he doesn't have people watching him at all times. But he's a sneaky shit like that. I am about to check the back of his neck for the 666 number, but then he is just so damn cute. I swear yesterday while I was threatening to leave him at Walmart he said 'I love you mommy'. Even though he doesn't talk and the only words he can say are cookie and no... oh and he growls now... alot (cute). I think that must have been the gods way of defusing mother's tempers so we don't really leave them at Walmart or else I bet you all could find all four of mine there on any given day. (They love the fabric section if anyone is interested in some kids.)
So instead of cleaning and cleaning and then waiting cause five seconds later I will need to clean again I am going to post this survey a friend of mine sent me. I am a nosy lady so they always fascinate me to learn useless I mean important items about my friends things like what kind of spaghetti sauce she uses or how many times a day she showers...Information I know I will need if an emergency arises. So here is a survey of sorts about some random things! I hope everyone has a great weekend!!
About Me :
First Name? Sarah
Middle Name? Ann
Last Name? Superstar
Nicknames? Mommy, Supreme Goddess
What do you prefer to be called? My Queen
Date of birth? Feb 4 1977
Time of birth? early evening I think
How tall were you at birth? 21 inches
What did you weigh? 7'11
What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius
What is your birth stone? Amethyst
Where is your birth place? P-town USA
What hospital were you born at? Methodist
How old are you now? 31
How tall are you now? 5'7
Brave enough to share your weight? 145
What shoe size do you wear? 10 (don't make fun)
Do you have any tattoos?no
Any piercings? just the ears
What color are your eyes? blue
Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses most of the time, contacts when I'm racing or swimming
Ever wear colored contacts? nope
What is your natural hair color? hell I can't remember
How long is your hair? very short
Where do you currently reside? Peoria
Is this your hometown? yes
How many times have you moved? 4 times
What is your heritage? Swedish and German
What Preschool did you attend? University Methodist
What Elementary School did you attend? Concordia Lutheran
What Middle or Jr. High did you attend? same
What High School did you attend? Peoria High School
What College did or do you plan to attend? Bradley and ICC
What was your favorite subject in school? recess
Did you have a favorite teacher? Ms Richerson and Mr Gutzman but only cause he was hot
What was your least favorite subject? Math
Ever skip class? pretty much
If so, who was it with and what would you do? it was usually with Renee and we always did super cool things like hang out at Lums and smoke or drive to Bloomington to go shopping..we were rebels
Ever gotten detention or Saturday School? nope but I loved The Breakfast Club
Ever been suspended? nope
Did you have a steady boyfriend/girlfriend in high school? not really
What about clubs and organizations? every one of them
What is/was your graduation year? 1995
Were/are you popular in high school? Well I was popular in my group of friends
Whats your mom's name? Nancy
Whats your dad's name? Frank
When did you last see your grandparents? along time ago but will be seeing my Grandpa in December
Do you have a big family? well I have four kids but I didn't come from a big family just my sis and me
Do you have any siblings? younger sister older step brother and step sister
If so what are there names and ages? Angie-40 Marty, 37, Kim 29
Are you the oldest, youngest or middle? oldest and wisest and greatest
Do you have any step or half siblings? already covered that
Do you put your family before your friends? my kids yes
How many best friends have you had in your life? 2
How many best friends do you have right now? 2
Who is your very best friend in the world? Renee
How did you meet him/her? high school
How long have you known them? duh since high school Who wrote this survey??
Do you feel like you are drifting away from any close friends? no
Any pets? a cat and four kids
Who all lives in your house? the kids and me and the cat
Do or did you have to share a room with anyone? when i was a kid I had to share a room with my sis and when I was married I had to share one with my husband lol
Do you get along with your parents? yes
Are you closer with your mom or dad? Mom
Do you feel you are your parents favorite child? of course
What kind of flooring? hard wood
What color are the walls? brown, red, blue, grey, purple, green, orangy
Do you have a stereo? I have a $10 radio from Walmart it rocks the good tunes
Do you have a computer? yes
What size bed do you have? queen
Do you have pictures of friends in frames? friends...no kids yes
Do you have a photo album laying around? yes
What is your favorite possession? My signed Jonas Brothers poster...oh wait no I mean my house
Any stuffed animals? well if that damn cat isn't careful...
Do you keep your room clean? sure
What's your political affiliation? dem
Do you like politics? very much so
Pro Life or Pro Choice? choice
For or against sex before marriage? I'm gonna go with before since we're all adults here
Are you patriotic? sure
Should marijuana be legalized? hell yeah why not?
Are you open minded about religion? I can be
For or Against Gay Marriage? for
Do you really care about the environment? I try to care
Do you care if the polar bears are becoming extinct? are they?
Do you believe in magic? I truly believe that my neighbor pulls real quarters out of my kid's ears and I think he might have actually stolen my nose once...so yes
Ever done drugs? yes
Ever drink alcohol before the legal age? um yes
Ever use a fake ID or one that was not you? nope
Ever sneak out of your house? no
Ever shoplift from a store? yes
Ever steal from a friend or family member? no well unless my sister counts and then yes even though I cant think of what I would have stolen, gum?
What color is the comforter on your bed? black and grey
What kind of camera do you own ? Cannon
When was the last time you hung out with a friend? Wednesday
Have you ever gotten a black eye? during kickboxing
Are you using a laptop or desktop computer? desktop
Have you ever been camping? yes unfortunately
What was the last song you listened to? Sean Hayes
Do you rent movies at a local store or online? neither
Do you like to sing? yes
Have you ever broken a bone? my arm while I was trying to turn a corner on my bike with no hands
What are some of your hobbies? running, shopping, reading
Ever shop at a thrift store? yes
Single or Taken? taken
Truly Happy or Just OK? happy
Book Smart or Street Smart? oh I am the shizzle when it comes to street smarts
An introvert or extrovert? both
Leader or Follower? a bossy leader : )
Giver or Taker? both
Outgoing or Shy? both
Phone Talker or Texter? phone
Tall or Short? tall
Blonde or Brunette? brunette
Day or Night Person? night
Responsible or Carefree? responsibly carefree
Loud or Quiet? Quite...hahahaha just kidding I'm loud
TV Sitcom: Friends
Reality TV Show: So You Think You Can Dance
TV Station: TLC
Movie: Old School
Movie Genre: Comedy
Actress: Tina Fey
Actor: Will Ferrel
Band? Big Star
Artist: Sean Hayes
Mall: Grand Prairie
Clothing Store: The Gap
Grocery Store: Cubs
Website: anything porn ; )
Sport to Watch: running
Sport to play: running, swimming
Olympic event: running
Radio Station: WCBU
Drink: beer or diet Coke
Food: not picky (understatement)
Vehicle: my minivan It is a fanasy...I say that on a liscense plate and knew I had to work it in here somehow
I know I know I am one hell of a procrastinater right? You all should take notes from me.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Mom (31 year old): Thinking about a fireman story she heard recently, involving a hot fireman and a married woman...snaps out of it....
"Oh Yeah?? What's that?"
Sophie: "You Stop Drop and Roll."
Lily (7 year going on 15 year old): Looking at me like she just heard the stupidest statement in the world
"Duh Sophie but only if the fire is on your clothes. If your house is on fire you don't stop, drop, or roll."
Hmmm makes sense.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Later on that evening a bunch of us are at dinner and my lovely friend brings up this embarrassing moment and we all start telling stories of songs we thought said one thing but really we were way the hell off by either ignorance or because it was soo much more fun to sing it the wrong way.
Some were common you know the CCR song "there's a bathroom on the right" and some were soo bizarre and off base it made my thunder chief slip up seem down right understandable...like maybe they had meant to write it that way but changed the lyrics at the last minute. (hey its my fantasy...it could of happened??)
So here are a couple of examples from that night, feel free to make fun or to leave some of your own mis-sings (is that a word?)
Sheryl Crow's song "All I Wanna Do" the actual line is "Till the sun comes up on the Santa Monica Boulevard"...but we always sung it "Till the sun comes up on the Santa Mona cup full of lard" Oh yeah you know you wanna sing it that way too...
And while I'm still on the topic of lard (which I seem to be talking alot about lately) I was a child of the 90's, in high school that is, and Pearl Jam was a BIG one played on many a mixed tape in my car as a teenager and the song Better Man was always replaced with butter man. "oh she can't find the butter Man" We rocked it! (there really should be a butter man...just sayin')
This is one is an old song but one I only recently learned I was singing wrong Walter Egan and his song "Magnet and Steel" which for the record if I had known the song title I probably wouldn't have sung the line "For you are a magnet and I am steel" as "you are the madness and I am real"
I am THE BIGGEST ROLLING STONES fan you will ever meet but I didn't even know the right lyrics to their song "Bitch" I have always sung the words "salivate on a padlocked door" Well I guess its actually "salivate like Pavlov's dog" Hmmm I like my version better.
Here are some more:
B-52’s “Roam” : "Whoa! Nipsy Russell" instead of "Roam, if you want to"
Depeche Mode “Just Can’t Get Enough” or in my friend Erica case "I just can’t get it up"
Simon and Garfunkle “I am a Rock”: "I am a rock, I am in Thailand" instead of "I am a rock, I am an Island"
Steppenwolf “Born to be Wild”: "I like smokin’ ice cream" in reality " I like smoke and lightning"
This one is from my friend Mark I think this might be my favorite: Bryan Adams song "Summer of 69" : the real line is "I got my first real six string" but in Mark's twisted brain it is sung: "I got my first real sex dream"
And the dirtiest award goes to Hank our lovely bartender of the night and his addition of Robert Palmer's song "Addicted to Love" the real line is "Might as well face it you're addicted to love" His version : "Might as well face it you're a dick with a glove"
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I am feeling better and decide to go and run, I am as usual running behind Todd... admiring his ass. For someone that is a major prick half the time the man has a killer body. Probably from running 30 miles a day. Have I mentioned that I hate him? Anyway I am running away thinking about my usual things...the kids, Eric, school, and food. Usually its about food I'm not gonna lie. This is just a sampling of how my thought process about food works.... I am running on University past the post office and I see a yellow car and the yellow car makes me think of butter, and how much I love butter. I start to think about when I get home how I am gonna make me some cinnamon pop tarts and smother them with butter and after I smother them with butter I am goning to go lock myself in the bathroom so the vultures *ahem* I mean kids don't stalk me and eat half of my delicious poptarts. As I am calculating how many miles I would have to run to burn off all that buttery goodness....bam...I run into a telephone pole....Go ahead laugh, I think most of the seemingly hundreds of people on University this morning did. I think they even pointed and laughed, slowed down their car to laugh. Got out of their car and bent over and laughed at me with tears running down their faces. It was not a pretty sight. Yeah I tried to pull it off the whole "WTF? How did that pole get here" The great line from 40 Year Virgin ... "That fucker came out of nowhere" I tried them all but still they laughed. I think Todd was more annoyed than anything that he not only got stuck with a slow running partner he got stuck with a clumsy one. So as I am pulling my humiliated self off the pavement I notice I messed up my knees...great...well at least its not shorts season anymore. I am okay just a few scrapes to my knees and to my ego is all. So let this be a warning to everyone out there pay attention when your running...and thinking about butter.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Water Heaters, Car Batteries and Bloody Fingers 12/10/2007
So I tend to write when things are going shitty or when I feel the need to share my thoughts with the masses, but on this particular day it is a procrastination tool. My life is really good, now mind you I said that yesterday to a friend on the phone and not 2 hours later a pipe going into my water heater sprung a ginormous leak and pretty much rained in my basement for about 30 minutes before me and my knight and shining armor saved the day and found the shut off thingy....Now as most of my close friends and even those who meet me in the check out line at Walmart know, that I am usually not the "go to" girl in a crisis I can sit back and calmly watch someone else have a meltdown...but when it comes to me and my life or any of the people that I love that are directly involved in my crisis then I pretty much just start to cry and want to just shut my eyes and will it better. Which yes I realize that that is very childlike The whole "I can't see you you can't see me" outlook on life. Not the most effective for sure.
This happened Sunday night, the Sunday night before that my 3 year old lovingly slammed his brother's finger in a door and we had to make a trip to the ER just when the bedtime hour was right around the corner for the wee ones and the thought of having a night to myself to run, and read, and do whatever I wanted to was a possibility, bam ole Red had to go and nearly get his finger torn off. I think when it comes to my kids in crisis I am pretty good at keeping it together, that's when then OCD kicks in and I think if I can control the situation, the doctors, the nurses, the whatever that nothing bad will ever happen to them...again not always the case, but it works for now, and I'm not on the bathroom floor calling Renee at 3 in the morning to come and look at my moles on my back So I'll do what works for the moment.
This morning I woke up, got the kiddies ready for school, cereal, brushin hairs, makin lists and washin faces, with bottled water, since if we all remember the water is shut off due to the flood of '07. I go downstairs to the garage and I had left the keys in my car to the "on" position, which apparently will make your battery die, so I call Renee and she helps me get in contact with the guy to jump my car. Uggg which means kids are late for school and I am even more grouchy and oh yeah still stinky from lack of showering.
My water heater is under warranty, which apparently means there is an approval process, they just don't want to look around and see the leaking water heater, and all the water soaked ruined shit and replace it the same day...No my friends that would be too easy. So he replaces the pipe that is leaking and tells me he has to wait to hear back from the insurance people if they will actually replace it, so I tell the guy to Please please lie for me and tell them that it is an emergency and my livelyhood depends on water. The guy laughed and said "Well I'll see what I can do doll", which could mean "Sorry lady you're screwed", or "Sure lady I see and hear the four wild children running around and they look like they need a bath so I'll go to bat for you on this one". That is the one I'm sticking with.
I was thinking last Sunday it was stitches in my babies hand, the Wednesday before that it was Sophie in the ER getting staples in her head, and now this Sunday it was the water heater. I really was all set to whine and play the poor me card. But honestly in perspective yeah last night sucked..it ruined some of my stuff and even more of my knight's things...and I felt really bad about that. It was shitty but there was no blood involved in last night, nobody was hurt. My babies slept like well, like babies through the whole ordeal and we cleaned it up and threw some shit away that can't be replaced, but there was no blood, no death or sickness or dying involved .Today it was the car, and the plumber, and then Nathan's hand starting to bleed again, so another trip to the doctor. I just really wanna shut my eyes and not deal with it.
So we go to Walmart and I think everybody must think the world is going to end with the ice tonight because EVERYBODY was there. I ran in to this girl that a friend of mine used to go to high school with. I knew her a little bit but not a whole lot. Her little girl just passed away from cancer about 2 weeks ago. Here I was telling her about my morning and my shitty water heater and her daughter had DIED 2 weeks ago...who the fuck cares if I have to be inconvenienced and get my car battery jumped ...I felt like an ass but she was very understanding and gracious. I literally don't know if I would be able to stand 2 weeks after such a tragedy, but here she was with her son x-mas shopping, and here I was with my 4 getting milk and wondering if I'm gonna have hot water when I get home. Silly me...
We got home and I turned on cartoons and I went in here to finish up some homework and it was really quite in my house, now those of you with kids in your house, or even those of you that know my kids know that they are never quite. Even when they are sleeping someone is talking in their sleep, so I go out to the living room and they are all asleep on the couch in this little sibling ball of legs and arms and smelly heads. .. even Lily who never sleeps, Lily has Sophie on her lap and Nick is kind of scrunched in between their legs. Well now that's what's important, happy healthy (for the most part) sleeping peaceful kids A peaceful life.My attitude now or what I am trying to implement in my life is to be peaceful, to chose my battles and to try and control my need to control....to control my need for things to be perfect and to try and control my anger at stupid shit...like water heaters and car batteries, and bloody fingers and to step out every once in awhile and just be...just be thankful and happy that those babies are mine and my life is good, I have food and a roof over my head and people who I love in my life. This sounds a little bit like an after school special or a Thanksgiving prayer, but its still the season to be thankful, to be reflective on your life choices.
Not all who wander are lost...now those of you that read my blog religiously know that I have posted this quote on here before talking about how I felt lost, floating around without an anchor I believe I said , needing something to ground me and my carelessness and stupid choices. Well I have made some changes and definitely have slowed down the train , still feel a little bit in need of an anchor of some stability, but I just no longer feel like I am lost..wandering..yeah a little but no longer lost.Its amazing the clarity you receive when you fuck up big time. Have you ever been so tired driving home that you doze off for a sec and then when you startle awake it scares you enough to keep awake?? That's what has happened with me. And thank God I didn't just wake up for a second and then fall back asleep or worse yet fall completely asleep at the wheel and crash and burn ...Don't ya'll just love all of my analogies tonight, I am very wise feeling tonight, maybe its the green tea I am drinking hmmm?
I am happy, I was such an angry person through my marriage and through most of my life really, it was that need to control my surroundings and my life which was very chaotic, the marriage in particular. I like my calm life, as calm as it can be with 4 kids, I like my mind set and my feelings on where I am headed and I'm glad I have slowed down , and I hope to God that I stay slow or at least below the speed limit. Heading in to the new year peaceful and happy..what more can I ask for really. Peaceful and happy because of the decisions I have made for myself and for my family I am happy I am ready now, to risk things again. To take chances and know to not doubt myself. Still wandering..probably I will always be wandering I kind of like to wander...but wander with a purpose. So remember grasshopper... not all who wander are lost...
This year has been one of tremendous change and tremendous losses and tremendous gains and I am ready for 2008 I am ready to start "new" with the new year and to slow down and see what's truly important.
Update: I think looking back I did a good job of "slowing down" in 2008 and as always am grateful that I can start again the next day when I screw up the day before which is lets be honest 5 out of the 7 days of the week. This year has also been a big year of change but a good year and lets face it I still go over the speed limit most days but am working on it. OK I don't think I'm making any sense back to my medicine and my heating pad : )
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Is it just me or is this the longest day eeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeerrrrrr???? I swear I was in an hour long meeting with my advisor and when I came out it was earlier then when I went in!!! Ahhhhh!! This is the day that will never end. All I want it to be is the evening, but it seems like it has been 2:00 forever. I think I am in some sort of twisted Twilight Zone episode and pretty soon I will be 18 years old again because time stops moving and actually starts going backwards...hmmm what am I saying that could be a good thing. Come on 5 o'clock...
Monday, November 10, 2008
- Pass the award on to 6 more kreativ bloggers
- Link back to the person who gave you the award
- Link to the people you are passing it on to and leave them a comment to let them know.
- Request scantily clad photos of your blogger friends of the opposite sex.