Friday, January 30, 2009

Friday Fotos and Some Awards

Since I didn't do wordless Wednesday this week I will post some pics today since I don't, as usual have a whole lot of interesting things to say today. Except I will throw this out there.... Cat Stevens rules. I mean he just rules. Why did he have to go and change his name to Yusluf and get kicked out of England? And what the hell is a Mona Bone Jackon? It just sounds dirty. I think I am officially iTunes' bitch since I had all good intent to go and buy the theme song from House (Ministry by the way) and spend exactly 99 cents but then in the recommendations was Cat Stevens?...hmmm I don't really get that but being someone who has little or no will power I ended up spending $30 on the Cat Stevens Box Set. Now I wanna get on the peace train and maybe live in a wigwam..I don't know I'm all confused. Curse you iTunes (picture me shaking my fist at the Apple logo).

Ok here are some of my favorite pics of this fall we were all over at E's mom's house painting pumpkins and eating lots and lots of food. All the while the big kids were painting my almost two year old's face. I joked on a previous post that this will be the picture that the prosecutor blows up as justification for why he chose to bludgeon me to death in my sleep, probably with a pumpkin, or a paint brush.

I laugh every time I see that...He hates me.

The next pic is on of me and my sister. Back when I was young and blond and tan.We used to try and see how far we could swing the porch swing before our Mom would start to yell. Nothing like the adrenaline rush of feeling like you might at any moment single handily bring down the house with a pump of your feet.

I realized I don't put pics of Sophie up very much, just adding to her belief that everyone else is loved more than her, so I thought I would put this one of the three oldest but Sophie is actually looking at the camera. I love pictures of people's backs and feet. This was taken over the Summer it Summer yet??

I also love this picture of Lily and Nick, she barely wants to brush elbows with him at the dinner table but I know they will love each other one day. Or not....but I will always have this picture to remember how I bribed her to look like she loved him.

I also have been the recipient of two great awards from two great bloggers. So thank you thank you thank you. I have been slow to post them up here but I am loving them all the same. If I could figure out how to put them on the side of my blog I would but I really just figured out how to post in the future ...which is so cool. Now I don't have to pay the neighbor kid to come over here and hit "publish post" for me anymore!

The first one is from Diane over at Good Morning Glory, there are rules about having to name 10 honest things about myself but I think I gave you about 100 yesterday so stop being so greedy. Also I would pass it along but I love you all. really I do all the same.

The next one I got is from Life on the Goo Goo Ga Ga . I love to say that title out loud. She also gave me a great award that doesn't have any rules except to pass it along to other fellow bloggers , and like I said I have enough trouble trying to get my kids to believe I love them all the same but for different reasons so I am not even gonna attempt it here. Thanks ladies! If you all haven't been over there go now and check out their sites!!

Happy Weekend!!!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

100th Post

Well today is my 100th post. I am pretty much positive this means I have way to much time on my hands or I am greatly ignoring things I shouldn't be. At any rate I am very thankful that people are actually reading what I write and I love this forum to express the things I would just normally talk to myself about. This makes me look slightly less crazy.

I thought about not doing the 100 things about me list that people do but then I didn't really have any other ideas so here we go. There will be a test at the end so don't cheat and skip to the last one and comment on that one! I am on to you and your slacker ways!

1. I never wanted kids.

2. I can not imagine what I would be like them now 7 years later.

3.I shoplifted once (or twice) in high school, and I got caught by a friend's Mom who told she wouldn't report me if I promised her I would never do it again.

4. I was an active member in my church's youth group during my teenage years.

5. I haven't been to church in two years.

6. I miss having something to believe in.

7. I envy the people who can have faith without questions or doubt.

8. I used to have bleach blond hair.

9. I was voted Most Environmental in high school.

10. I got my hand caught in an escalator when I was little.

11. I have the scar on the side of my hand to prove it.

12. I used to have a very bad temper.

13. I smashed my ex's guitar.

14. In my defense he called me a bitch cause his dinner wasn't ready when he got home from work that night.

15. He is gone and my temper is alot better now...go figure.

16. I lived in Seattle for two years.

17. It was the worst two years of my life.

18. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

19. I am sad that I won't be able to have any more kids.

20. I want to be a foster parent one day.

21. I am deathly afraid of getting old.

22. I cried the day John Ritter and Tim Russert died.

23. The song Sympathy for the Devil by The Rolling Stones scares the shit out of me.

24. So does Edward Norton.

25. I love john Denver, The Clash and Bob Seager.

26. I had a huge crush on Bob from Sesame Street.

27. On Linda too , the actress that was deaf.

28. That's how I knew I wanted to learn sign language.

29. I am a perfectionist.

30. Which is really annoying.

31. I can lick my elbows.

32. I suck at Math.

33. My favorite fruits are blueberries, grapes, and strawberries.

34. My favorite vegetables are broccoli and mushrooms.

35. I love the heels of bread.

36. I won't dance in public.

37. I hate clubs.

38. I love dive bars.

39. The fist concert I went to was Raffi and I think he was staring at me.

40. I am so into fat, bald, biker, men.

41. I am madly in love with a tall preppy salesman.

42. I can't whistle.

43. I love to vacuum.

44. and mow the lawn.

45. I have been told I sound snotty when I talk.

46. I'm really not.

47. Most of the time.

48. In exactly one week I will turn 32 years old.

49. You'll probably find me under the covers with a bottle of Whiskey listening to Pasty Kline.

50. I hate chocolate.

44. I love summertime

45. and grill out

46. and beer

47 and sunsets.

48. My eyes are glossing over....damn this is alot of shit to think about...

49. I am a bit of a control freak.

50. I don't have a lot of patience.

51. I am fiercely loyal to the people I love.

52. I sat on the family bird when I was 7 and it killed her.

53. Don't laugh that was sad.

54. OK you can laugh a little bit.

55. I had a miscarriage and I lost a baby in the span of 2 years and I thought I would go insane with grief.

56. I almost did.

57. Running saved my life.

58. I tend to over analyze things.

59. I hate camping.

60. I think men with glasses are sexy.

61. I think men lots of muscles are gross.

62. I love Bob Dylan

63. and Neil Young.

64. If I watch the Wiggles one more time I think I might knock something over...hard

65. I think the Red Wiggle is kind of hot.

66. I am pretty sure the Purple Wiggle is pervert.

67. I love wikipedia.

68. and youtube.

69. I liked Van Halen with Sammy Hager better than with David Lee Roth (don't hate)

70. I can play the piano.

71. I love board games.

72. I never carry cash.

73. Everytime I buy a new shirt I buy socks that match.

74. I can't play poker.

75. I can almost always know when someone is lying.

76. I love Texas Rummy.

77. I hate Rum.

78. I once called a girl fat in 5th grade, she told the teacher and he threatened to wash my mouth out with soap.

79. Years later she was my teaching assistant .

80. The best one I have ever had.

81. I apologized for calling her fat.

82. She forgave me.

83. The worst thing I have ever done, was sleep with the Dad of a kid I was babysitting.

84. He called me and told me he was leaving his wife, and that he was in love with me.

85 I never went back to babysit.

86. I played basketball in grade school.

87. I wanted to joining the swim team in high school.

88. But I was too afraid to learn how to do the flip at the end of the lane.

89. Anyone still here????

90. Really?

91. I love the smell of cigarettes, beer and grease.

92. Preferably on a man.

93. I can drive a stick.

94. But I don't now cause I drive a mini van.

95. I still think I am too young to drive a van

96. or be a parent.

97. I love denial.

98. I hate roller coasters

99. but love water slides.

100. I love to finish things

Whew, I am glad that is over with.

Well I am raising my imaginary shot glass in a toast to all my bloggy friends, for reading, for emailing, for commenting, and for laughing at me as well as with me I am sure. . Thank you so much for reading and here's to one hundred more.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

My Very Very Wordful Wednesday

Usually I post a picture on Wednesday, put a pithy little comment in the title area and go on about my day, but sadly my computer ate all my pictures last week. I'm not sure what happened it may or may not have been the porn that may or may not have been downloaded on it, but that's still up for debate. Or is it?? I am confusing myself. Anyway so all my pictures are backed up on disks somewhere but I can't find the disks at the moment so have decided to do an entirely different post. Really probably didn't have to explain that to everyone but I am hungover in a big way. (Yes I am slightly ashamed I am hungover on a Wednesday, don't judge)

So....I am a great believer in online dating. I should be its poster child, well not child since that is an entirely different sort of online dating, I should be its poster young but not to young woman. I loved it when I was single. It was like window shopping. Yes I realize that I may have just compared the men I went out with to shoes but they were almost as enjoyable. I loved being able to talk to someone either online or over the phone and then see what they were actually like in real life. I was really lucky and met some amazing smart, funny, good looking men online. Yes I did meet some that wanted to become a woman (but only the boob part, he still wanted to keep his penis) And some that claimed to run illegal counterfeit operations with the Chicago police department, but on the whole I got pretty good at weeding out the crazies and getting to the really good men.

Now I don't know how many of you who read this are single out there, but during my time as an Internet dater I compiled a list of a sort of "code" my girlfriends and I picked up on, on what the men would tell us and what it really meant. So consider this my public service announcement to you single ladies and men too out there who might be considering online dating. Again you're welcome.
The first one is what they say the second thing is usually what it means.

Intelligent ... College dropout.
Fun ... Annoying.
Spontaneous ... Never around much .
Affectionate ...Clings like Glad wrap.
Adventurous ... Is part of a para-military group.
Likes Sports ...Watches a 30 second bit on TV once a year.

Enjoys working out ...Compulsive liar and in denial
Hard Working ... No time for dates longer than 15 minutes.
Enjoys finer things in life ...with you and half the female population.
Very Romantic ... Thinks relationships are just like in the movies, and by movies I mean porn.

Divorced ... Four times and counting or just separated, or in some cases still married.
Easy going ...Control freak.
Enjoys family get togethers...Spazzed out and threw pizza at everyone at the last one. Driven...Drinks lattes by the gallon and talks way too fast. Or is on meth (he was sweet though).
Caring...donated $1 to some cult group 15 years ago

Environmentally conscious...Drives the "small" Hummer.
Emotionally Stable...As long as the meds keep working.
Doesn't want a serious relationship...Wants to sleep with you and still see whats out sleep with.
Won't settle...Will be single at 90 and still placing personal ads (not there's anything wrong with that).
Happy...As long as the meds keep working.

Competitive...Nothing you say will ever be right...EVER.
Kind...Petted a rabbit at the pet store once in 1972.
Enjoys Outdoors...Lived in a tree for 2 years in protest of logging companies.
Frugal... Lives with parents.
Open minded...goes to swinger conventions.

Shy...Always worried that you are an undercover cop.
Doesn't like to get their picture taken ...They have no front teeth. (I never would have guessed from his picture either)
Self-Employed ... Unemployed. Or a drug dealer...usually a drug dealer.
Enjoys biking...They have 2 DUI's and legally cannot drive.
Doesn't drink... Their liver is failing.

Looks are not important...OH YES THEY ARE.
Non-judgemental ...Participates in weekend orgies at hotels.
Lives on the edge...One step away from prison time.
Honest...Only when they're found out.
Vegetarian...That eats chicken and fish.

Independent...Still takes laundry home and mom cleans the house.
Attractive...Only to themselves and mom.
Likes to Cook ... Has a really good recipe for crockpot pigeon. (This one's my favorite)
Likes to visit Chicago...To launder money for the mob.
Enjoys women who wear sexy underwear...He wants to become a womenand is hoping you are his size so he can borrow some.

Hope this has helped. Have a great Wednesday!!!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Random Thoughts Tuesday

I have been thinking about changing the name of my blog to Random Thoughts All Damn Week, or That's What She Said, or Who Gives a Shit, or Be Quiet Mommy is Trying to Sleep, What do you Mean You're Hungry? Get Your Own Damn Breakfast. But I knew I would regret it. I'm just grouchy and tired.

Time for my post of all things random and all things taking up space in my brain so I need to hurry out and get all this stuff down on cyber-paper before I forget my name.Brought to you by Keely over at the Un Mom. Check out her site with the list of all us random souls.

This week has been hell. H. E. Double hockey sticks. Hell. Really the whole month of January has pretty much been chewing me up and spitting me back out, right in the eye, and it stings, and makes my eye water, and then my mascara yeah that's all I got. But come the fuck on February. I think I should make a bummer sticker that says that. January blows chunks of Cheerios, all over my favorite sweater.

Eric and I as previously mentioned on this blog have not had the best of weeks. Well he is fine I haven't been. I was the one that quite honestly couldn't get over his past. The things he has done and the things that he told me because I asked. The things that Cosmo tells you to never ask a man and the things it tells the man to never answer if a woman asks them those questions I did and he did, and I think, well I know it was influencing the way I saw him as he is now and that's not really fair to him or me . His past was messin with our future and I was having none of that so I went and kicked the pasts ass and I think I am alright now.

I went to a book club Sunday night. My first ever, with 5 other women I have never met before, but kind of in a stalkery way felt like I knew them all already, and I was sitting there listening to my 5 new best friends talk (too forward?) and I realized something, like a freakin light bulb went off in my overloaded brain....We are all really different people now than who we were 5 years ago, or 10 years ago, or shit even 6 months ago, some more than others but I shouldn't let that get in my way of being really happy and optimistic about our relationship. I think if I had
learned that bit of wisdom a week earlier I wouldn't have flipped out over the whole he's 40 not 39 thing. Well maybe not as much.So I am going to as the saying goesLet go and Let God or perhaps let go and let dead Bob Marley ghost...whatever same difference right?

I was listening to a radio station online the other day and it listed who was singing and the name of the song, and Paul McCartney's song Man On the Run was playing and the screen said it wasn't "Man On the Run" but "Band On the Run"??? Do you know how much that disapointed me that it wasent man on the run? I for years have pictured a young Paul (Abby Road days)running away from some jilted lover. Then he got lost and Sailor Sud and Jailor Judd were searching ever more for the man on the run (or whatever that lyric is) Now all I see are four fat old guys carrying guitar cases running down the interstate.

Word to the wise don't use mouthwash to clean off your windshield when you are driving behind a snow plow and it is throwing snow back onto your car windshield that won't melt and so you are now just driving on sonar, because the dumbasses at the oil change place put water instead of windshield washer fluid in your van and it freezes everytime it gets colder than 70 degrees outside. Cause the mouthwash doesn't evaporate all that well, but your car smells nice and minty, which is a good thing since you just found an old package of lunch meat in your back seat that must have fallen out of the grocery sack sometime last Spring and you were just starting to was wonder if there was a dead mouse or possum stuck under your floor boards. Gross.

My English class is sucking every imaginable moment of my free life slowly away from my grasp. It is overwhelming and I seriously just want to say screw college and go be a roller derby queen. (love that Jim Croce song...remember that one?) My daughter is having a roller skating unit in her gym class and being the awesome parent I sometimes make myself be I volunteered to help. I was the only parent to
come...pussies! It is so much fun and I so want to go rolling around the gym knockin out second graders...Is that wrong? I think my roller derby name will be Sarah Tripabitch.

Why the hell am I getting a yellow word in my posts? Can't you people tell by now I don't use spell check??

Last week I made a big poster board poster of my house rules. Because my seven year old is getting a mean case of the "two smart ass for her own good", ironically I am also coming down with a case of "Payback's a bitch", but I digress. So I made the rules and things are going pretty well with the no screaming, no whining, no biting , no throwing food (And those are just for me. Ha!! Thank you very much I'll be here all week) until I started getting a little bit confused on how to discipline each of the kids. Up until now it is all pretty across the board no matter the age but since the girls are getting older and completely know better I was at a impasse until I watched The Office and heard Dwight's song for following the rules, sung to the tune of Three Blind Mice:

Learn Your rules
Learn Your Rules
If You Don't
You'll Be Eaten In Your Sleep

I love The Office. And yes I realize that totally wasent at all funny unless you watch the show.

Alright that's about all I can stomach for now. I am off to go work on my paper that has to be about a significant moment in my life. If anyone has any significant events they would like me to pretend actually happened to me I am taking suggestions.

Happy Tuesday

Friday, January 23, 2009

What Day Is It Again?

I was thinking about doing some sort of quirky post dedicated to all things Thursday when I realized it was Friday. Shit! I hate when that happens. I guess its cool since Saturday is tomorrow and the kids are going to a sleepover at Grandpa's while we live it up in P-town (she says laughing hysterically) but also kind of scary. I think I may have talked too badly about the Mormons and they have sent their henchmen to erase days from my memory. I did see a huge Hummer drive by my house a couple of times last night. From now on I will whisper anything about the polygamists in Big Love and only to very special people who probably don't have any mind altering chemicals in their ears.

I think Random Thoughts Tuesday should be every damn day since I really have nothing to talk about but randomness.

My son is at this moment trying to get the fruit roll up stuck on his bottom teeth off and he is about 30 seconds from meltdown mode. Hold on while I go get my camera k?

Guess who's going to Seattle in May? Come on not Ricky Martin, who would say that? Me me me!! I am going! I found a deal, well actually my step mom found a deal on tickets and I just happened to be talking to my Dad who told me they were going to fly to Seattle for the weekend to visit my sister, for $150 round trip! Seriously too good a deal to pass up right? My sister lives in the city and my mom has a house in Granite Falls.

I call Eric up and see if he wants to fly there with me for a long weekend during the two weeks the sperm donor has the kids in May. He would love to go and he just had to see about getting the days off work. He calls me this morning tells me to book the trip, I go online $270. God damn my luck. But still pretty cheap and we're going to go anyway . I have never seen my Mom's house and would love to see Seattle with Eric instead of four screaming kids, even though I am sure that would be just as much fun traveling on an airplane with four kids under 7 and staying with my Mom for a week yeah almost just the same.

I decided that if Eric can tell people that he is 39 then I'm going to start telling people I am 5'11 and weigh 110 pounds. Same retarded and immature concept right? So you can call me Natasha from now on. Thanks.

Did anyone see Joe Biden's son? He is kind of hot. And his wife has killer freakin legs I wonder who her trainer is? You think this will put be on some sort of government watch list for commenting on the VP's wife and his son? Yeah probably not.

I don't want to scare any of you guys out there but quite possibly I may have had a curse put on me at Walmart this week in Kewanee. There was this man who kind of looked like Bob Marley but you know alive, hmm or maybe I saw Bob Marley's ghost? Anyway as I was looking for pesto sauce this man comes up to me and asks me how he can get the donuts out of the container? Huh? We are in the pasta aisle dude. So I told him first thing he is gonna want to do is go to the bakery. He stops turns around and says sometime in some sort of voodoo tongue and then turns me around and mumbles something about a camel's hair and salt.

I shit you not.

I turn around and ask him what he said and he says. "In these days its hard telling what I said."
To which I reply "For real?" The he told me he was hungry and went up in a puff of smoke. No not really he left saying something about how he can't find any good coffee in Kewanee.

So seriously I am thinking some sort of curse is over me and have been looking for some sort of sign in my tea leaves. Have been knocking on wood and making sure I have someone say "Bless You" every time I sneeze. Just to be on the safe side. Did you know that people started to say God bless you when other people would sneeze in case they died during the sneeze? So I am just covering all my basis. Crazy ass Walmart people.

Well I am off to go and do some cleaning. I just stepped in some peanut butter in my bathroom and that is usually a sign that I need to bust out the ole mop and bucket. I hope you all have a great weekend!!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Once again its time for you all to have the distinct pleasure of reading.or um skimming my diarrhea of the keyboard on Random Tuesday Thoughts. Brought to you once again by Keely at The Un Mom. Its absolutely astounding the things that have gathered in my brain during the course of seven Psych study astounding.

I started school today. This is technically the start of my Sophomore year and I have never been so busy and yet more content in my life. I have decided to take 3 online classes and one actual "real life" class, Abnormal if any of you have anything abnormal happen to you I can analyze it and tell you that I have no idea what it is...hey what do you expect its only my second year....

If I have learned one thing this week it is this...


I am absolutely obsessed with the show Big Love. It started its third season Sunday but I am just playing catch up. And Holy mother of Joseph Smith is that show addicting, like black tea and shoe shopping addicting. I have been watching about 4 shows a night to try and get ready to watch season three with Eric tonight and it is consuming my brain. The main character Bill Paxton ( who I am increasingly thinking Eric looks like the more I watch the show) is married to three different women...the old one, the blond bitch and the young cute naive one. It is fascinating and I can't stop watching it, its painful now to be writing this when I have 3 more shows left in Season 2 I need to watch.

Just remember don't piss them off or they will poison you with arsenic or antifreeze and if your dad is the prophet then you are screwed. To be fair this is a different sect of the Mormons not the LDS group which the show makes clear again and again that they (the LDS) do not condone polygamy. And its really okay as long as you don't marriage underage girls or abuse the welfare system. Whew what a relief...

Oh and the Beach Boys sing the opening song, my favorite song by them I don't know the exact title but it goes "God only Knows What I'd Be Without Her Da da da da"....Love it. If you can watch it watch it....

I love the movie 13 Going On 30. I watched it this week with Lily, my seven year old. From which my daughter learned the valuable lesson that she wants a boyfriend that is both cute and smart, and even if he is a big famous hockey player but he is dumb then she doesn't want to marry him. Go Lily. I tell her there are plenty of smart cute ones out there and maybe she should wait till middle school to worry about husbands?? She shook her head at me and told me that she didn't want to waste anytime. God I love that girl. And thank God she got my sense of humor! (or at least I hope she was joking)

My daughter was invited to a swimming party this Saturday and on the phone while I was talking to the Mom of the little girl who was having the party, she offered to pick Lily up because and I quote "I don't know how you do it with four little kids. I saw you at the grocery store the other day and I thought to myself how does she do it? I can barely go grocery shopping by myself." End quote.

I thought to myself two things :

1. Shit I hope I wasn't yelling, grabbing or threatening one of my kids while she saw me at Cubs

2. Maybe I shouldn't let my daughter in the car with her if she can't even grocery shop by herself?? What the hell is wrong with her?

I have not had one crazy thing happen to me at Walmart this week. Well this guy did tell me he liked my shoes, but they were nice shoes. Oh and this lovely little self esteem booster took place. I am at the check out line buying wine and I am doing the self check out so when you scan alcohol it calls the cashier to the register to type your age in. The screen popped up and it said Is the customer over 40? She stared at the screen then stared at me and after I swear 5 minutes of apparently studying the lines on my face paused and pushed YES!!! WTF! Yes? I am 31 years old. I don't look over 40 What the hell Walmart lady? I was by myself that time and whenever I have my four freakin kids with me that must make me look younger I get carded? That shit is not right...

I had a dream I was having an affair with two different men (see Big Love obsession above) and one of the men NEVER took his blue tooth off...ever...never...gross I need to quit drinking before bed.

A lady looking for a Stella has called my house 39 times!!!!!!! Each time I pick it up and am polite cause I don't think she is all with it and explain to her that I am not nor ever was Stella. Even though I do like that name. I was going to name my second kid Stella until my family starting screaming Stttteeeellllaaaa!!! ala Marlo Brando every time they saw me.

Eric and I are going to take a vacation together this June His two kids, my 4 kids, in a van, to an indoor waterpark for four nights. I am soo excited since I haven't really been on a real vacation since my 6 year old was born. Except now the fear of having to walk around in a bathing suit for four days has set in and I have decided to give up drinking...which really should take about 10 pounds off the first week. Kidding I don't drink that much... sometimes....

I will end with my favorite line ever from a movie well one of my favorites. Its from the movie Knocked Up which I just rewatched this weekend for probably the 77th time....

"Marriage is like that show Everybody Loves Raymond, but its not funny. All the problems are the same, but you know instead of all the funny, pithy dialogue, everybody is really pissed off and tense"

Love. It.

Well that's the end of this train of thought so till next week or well till tomorrow Happy Tuesday. Happy Inauguration Day! How lucky we are to witness this great day in history! Here's hoping my kid's school has it playing today!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Music Memory Monday

Probably one of the greatest song writers of all time in my humble opinion. Warren Zevon's Play It All Night Long is one of my favorites from him, but honestly I had a hard time picking just one. Drive By Truckers the alt/country band did a cover of this recently and it is awesome. He reminds me of Summer and guitar players, and rock and roll and sexy men with glasses all rolled into one. His songs make me smile, and cry and shake my head. He brings back so many memories it almost hurts to listen to him....

The Pixies (my all time favorite) were part of a bunch of artists who did a tribute album to Zevon and they covered Ain't That Pretty At All, another one of my favorites. He was most known for Werewolves of London, but honestly he didn't receive near the recognition he deserved. His life was too short as a lot of the great musicians seem to be, but his music still lives on in my iPod anyway...and thankfully on youtube!

Music Memory Monday is brought to you today by the letter M and the number 3. Oh wait sorry , Sesame Street was on. What I mean is Music Memory Monday is brought to you by two of my newest favorite bloggers, well they aren't new they're kind of old...not old age wise but blogging know what I mean .....Diane over at Good Morning Glory and Jeff and Me + Three So go check them out and play along with us on Music Memory Monday!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

In My Life

I stole this list from Debbie over at Suberb Sanity. She cracks me up on a regular basis and I thought this was the perfect meme for a Sunday. (cause you know of the whole stealing thing)

On a side note I was thinking about going back to church, I think about it every Sunday morning...basically because of my Saturday night phone call from my mother reminding me how my kids should go...but have decided that I am just going to watch Big Love instead. Has anyone seen that show?? The third season starts tonight and E is a fan so he wants to watch it with me on Tuesday nights since Californication is over (our first show that we love) So he got me the first season and I am officially like Whitney with a crack pipe! I love that show! Okay Okay back to my point of this blog...

Really who doesn't feel like nothing got done once Sunday has rolled around? When all that was accomplished was alot of table fort games, Elmo tea parties and a couple of empty bottles of tequila...gotta love taco night.
(Elmo tea parties and tequila two totally separate things, so please no angry emails, Elmo likes Martinis sheesh)

As Debbie pointed out there is a meme going round the blog world of a list of 100 things that people can check off if they have accomplished that in their life. Well being how I have pretty much not been all that terribly exciting in my almost 32 years on this planet, my number of things accomplished was pretty low. So why make you feel sorry for me, or anymore sorry for me than you already do by posting my lack of amazing things not accomplished? So instead I will show you my inner felon by stealing this list of Debbie's and pretending its my own ingenious idea. How's that for a nice Sunday thought?

Here is her list of 32 things you may or may not have done in your lifetime, more for us common folk out there...I have put an x next to the ones I am actually admitting to being a part of,plus my own little explanation. Enjoy...

X. Started something you actually finished ---Even though this one is up for debate but I am going to count being pregnant with 4 kids and actually making it to that finish line (birth)

2.Stood at the bottom of a mountain and thought "wonder why people climb that?" --- Does standing at the bottom of the rock wall at Dick's Sporting Goods and making fun of the people up on the wall count?

3. Been booed off a karaoke stage --- I hate to admit it but I have only done karaoke once while I was young and extremely intoxicated. I have been a part of booing other people off of the stage though.

4.Visited Detroit --- Never even been to Michigan *gasp*

5.Given someone food poisoning --- Well since my cooking repertoire includes pouring cereal into a bowl and broiling things I don't think I have ever cooked anything that could indeed be poisoned. And as much as I would have liked to have filled my ex's body with arsenic like that awesome show Big Love...I didn't and now just hope that the current girlfriend is more malicious than me.

X.Walked to the top of a flight of 8 stairs--- Holy Shit. I think this list is even more pathetic than the list of really awesome things that I have never done either in my life. But I do think I have probably at one time or another walked up eight flights of stairs. Do they have to be at the same time???

7.Grown your own hallucinogens --- Well not on purpose but I bet you if you smoked the stuff growing in the back of my refrigerator you might beg to differ

X.Seen a reproduction of famous artwork done on black velvet--- Well yes I have actually been to a black velvet museum. Ohhh and I love that song Black Velvet...and that little girl's smile....

9. Slept on a train or other public transportation and not known why --- I have been too scared to fall asleep on any sort of public transportation, but give me five minutes tops in a car and I am out like a light ( if I am the passenger that is)

X.Held a possum --- Oh my god yes I have and please don't ask me to relive that tale or should I say tail? Ha! I crack myself up!

11.Driven by an area where people were running a marathon --- I have watched one on television once, till I got too tired and went and took a nap.

12.Taught yourself your native language --- And by native language do you mean English Debbie? Cause I still don't know where to but a semi colon or really any kind of punctuation.

13.Told someone to quit complaining since they appear to have enough money to be satisfied --- Um everytime I watch celebrity intervention (God I love that show)

X.Wondered about the whole "Michelangelo's David" relationship--- Almost as much as I wonder about the Mona Lisa and if Dan Brown's novel the Da Vinci Code is really true.

X.Been bought a meal in a restaurant by a stranger (or the owner after you skipped out on the bill)--- Hehe this list makes me laugh. Well I have been bought dinner before by a stranger...unfortunately he wanted more than just a thank-you and was confused when I told him it would cost more than a dinner to get what he wanted.

X.Looked up Africa on a map --- Shit I have to mapquest my subdivision.

17. Ran along a street by moonlight with nice gentlemen in blue escorting you --- Again if my men in blue you mean the police I am gonna have to go with a no. But my ex husband was kind of kinky and his work uniform was blue...

18.Had your mug shot taken --- No Thank God.

19. Ruined a business--- Well not single handily.

X.Eaten a whole box of Girl Scout cookies in one sitting --- Are you kidding me?? I have two kids this year selling cookies! I love me some Thin Mints.... I'm sorry thighs

X.Threatened a Girl Scout if she tried to take back said cookies.--- Not exactly but I did have to lie to my Mother in law once and tell her that her cookies didn't come in yet because I "accidentally" ate them

X.Read a book --- This one I have actually done. I know all the classics by heart..."It's Not Easy Being Small," "Where the Wild Things Are, " "The Cat In the Hat". and most recently the great literary piece "My Truck Is Stuck"

X.Had your name in the newspaper in a section other than "police blotter"--- Well my divorce announcement was in there last year That was exciting.

24.Been on the wrong end of a jury --- No again amazing but thankfully I have only been to traffic court well and divorce court.

X.Walked all over town with old underwear hanging out the bottom of one pant leg --- Oh yeah and they weren't even my underwear....don't ask.

26.Forgotten to pick up one of your kids until someone called you to ask if you had been in a terrible accident --- No but I had this exact same dream the other night, that my son was stuck at pre-school and I for some reason made no effort to go and get him.

X.Eaten an entire container of ice cream - not the small one either - from the container with a spoon - in one sitting --- Oh yeah you know that Ben and Jerry's flavor Cherry's Garcia? That was my obsession one Summer.

X.Hidden the evidence of #27 under something really disgusting in the trash can--- Oh yeah I hid the cartons in the diaper pail. For no other reason except for my own shame and denial.

X.Ducked behind furniture to keep from answering the doorbell to some person collecting for something --- Um yeah I think we all have. Actually I pretended to be the maid one time, but it was only from the religious freaks not from a collection agency. I did hide from subpoena guy .

X.Hidden in your bedroom/bathroom/closet to eat something so the kids wouldn't know --- Are you kidding me? Every. God. Damn. Day.

X.Bought something and hidden the evidence from your spouse --- Well I'm not married anymore, but I used to tell my ex that my best friend "gave" me my new purse or the new sweater or the new shoes, or the new car...kidding on that last one...maybe

X.Interpreted that "7-second rule" to be any multiple of 7, and then served the saved item to guests.--- Um no! who would do such a thing? My house is the picture of cleanliness It really should be in Better Homes and Garden or Martha Stewart. Cause you know my friends really care if I drop their Cheetos on the floor before they devour them with their Chardonnay

Thanks Debbie for this hilarious take on the things we should probably really try and do in our lifetime.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

B.O.B. Kicked My Ass

I hurt my knee yesterday. I hurt it so bad I cried when I kicked my trainer Bob. And by Bob I mean my B.O.B. or body opponent bag. I am sure you have seen them in the gym, they look like this...

On a side note: as I am looking for a picture of a BOB I come across this kick ass costume of a guy in a body bag. I totally am going to be this next year for Halloween. I just need to find one that has a woman's body. Oh yeah. Target has got some freaky shit. Who woulda thought?

So anyway I dress Bob up and make believe that I am kicking the shit out of an imaginary attacker all the while getting lean and mean and somewhat scary sounding. Even though it apparently does not help my scaredy cat level since I literally let out a yelp everytime I walk down to the basement and see Bob there. So yeah in theory I could kick your ass but only if I have time to prepare and you don't startle me. God what a wimp.

So now I think I have humiliated Bob by putting some sunglasses and a big floppy hat on him so he looks less intimidating. I think he hates me now and that is why my knee is hurting like hell.

I absolutely love to kick. I got into kickboxing a few years back when I was seriously considering becoming a bad ass girl fighter, all thanks to that television series Fight Girls. They had these 20 or so chicks train in Muay Thai and then beat each other up every week and whoever won the fight got to go on to Thailand and fight the real deal. It was inspiring! I loved it. So I found a gym and a trainer and started to learn the fundamentals of kicking and kneeing and elbowing the living shit out of someone, you know if I was in a street fight. ( I almost spit my tea out laughing at the thought of me in a street fight) Then during a sparing session with another girl I got hit,hard, and I quit. Yeah I know...quiters never win blah blah blah, but has anyone ever been kicked in the shoulder before? I mean granted I have the pain threshold of negative 6,but God Damn it hurt like hell Plus it left a bruise, which is really when my vanity kicked in and I thought what good is showing off my toned arms in tank tops if I looked like I had my own personal Fight Club going on after hours (even though how cool would that theory anyway)?

So I just settled for kicking with Billy Blanks DVDs and going to a gym and doing classes there. Shortly after my divorce I started dating a kickboxing trainer near Bloomington. Which word to the wise its never really productive to train with anyone who you are always picturing without their clothes on. Just sayin'. The whole "Don't shit where you eat" saying really rang true on that whole adventure in my dating career. So that ended and I met my last ex who was also a wanna be bad ass and he owned a BOB. That's where my love affair with this plastic man started.

Until today when apparently the universe is trying to tell me to slow the F down. Or fall down in pain, whatever. I think my over zealous kicking might have something to do with extreme amount of caffeine I have been ingesting lately. I have my own theory that it (caffeine) actually makes your bones more brittle. (I smell medical break through) Since I refuse to believe that getting older means I can't do everything I used to be able to do when I was 21 and still function without straining, pulling, or breaking anything. God next thing you know I will be playing Jenga in a bench in the park.

I have just threatened Bob with the garage sale this Spring. I don't mess around people. I need to be moving on a daily basis if no other reason than the sheer amount of calories I consume in a 24 hour period. If I don't workout everyday I probably could easily be around 700 pounds by March. I swear I am not being dramatic or anything! I have been icing the injured knee for awhile and am pretty pissed since I was supposed to actually go out tonight and you know am usually expected to walk. So plans changed and now it is Taco night instead. Oh be jealous I know you are.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Spin Cyle: What IF....Can You Imagine?

What if... you imagine there's no heaven? It's easy if you try.

What if ...there is no hell below us? Above us only sky.

What if... all the people where just living for today?

What if... there's no countries? It isn't hard to do.

What if... there is nothing to kill or die for? And no religion too.

What if... all the people are living life in peace?

What say that I'm a dreamer? But I'm not the only one.

What if....someday you join us, and the world will be as one?

What if... there were no possessions? I wonder if you can?

What if... there was no need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man?

What if .... all the people were sharing all the world?

What if .... you say that I'm a dreamer? I'm not the only one.

What if.....someday you join us, and the world will live as one?

My shameless tribute to the genius that is John Lennon and this week's post for Jen's Spin Cycle titled What IF? Visit her at Sprite's Keeper.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Hidden Potential : Conspiracy Theory

When my lovely offspring are with the sperm donor for their "weekend" on Tuesday and Wednesdays, I am in Kewanee with my boyfriend. Where we spend the nights eating panini's and watching the Home and Garden network. Yes he is very much a man, but since he loves me THAT much he watches the decorating shows with me while we drink wine and make fun of people.

One of our favorite shows we have started watching is called Hidden Potential. The idea behind the show is young couples are trying to decide which of the three houses they want to be their first home but the houses need some work done to make it more livable. So the couple chooses three houses that they like and then the designer comes in and shows the couple three different designs that they can do with the money they will have after they buy the home. The concept is pretty cool and the designer uses this computer generated program to transform the old space into the new one so the owners can see what it could look like. Which is pretty interesting in and of itself but the thing I am now obsessed about is the designer on their Paige Rein. I didn't notice anything different about her at first until Eric brought up his theory that she used to be a man. She is very manly looking I'll give him that she has huge arms and a is massively tall. Whatever, I have known some manly looking women out there that are all women. I am not convinced she used to be a man until he tells me that there used to be another designer on the show named Barry Wood, which I knew because he used to be designer for TLC's Trading Spaces. So I google their pictures and OH MY GOD. I swear they are the same person. They look like they are brother and sister if nothing else, but apparently that rumor was put to rest. I found Paige's blog site where she states that her and Barry get asked the question if they are the same person all the time and she find it disturbing.

But come on!!! They look exactly alike. Last night we were studying all the things Spike TV told us to look for if a guy is on a date and not sure if his woman is really a woman. (Things that are important you know) Big hands? Check. Adams apple? I really can't tell cause she/he tends to wear alot of scarves. She is hugely tall and her face looks just like Barry Wood's. I know I know I need a hobby and Eric and I need to start watching something more productive like Robert Downy Jr movies, or porn but come on...You be the judge....
(The woman is on the top. I know right?)