Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A Year In Review

Another "cheating" post. I borrowed (stole) this one off my Myspace page. Happy New Year!!

2008 is quickly coming to an end. So tell us exactly what happened in this unfor​gettable year.

How old did you turn? 31 Ughh don't remind me. I prefer to think of it as 21, since 31 is the new 21 right? Yeah shut up I know I 'm getting old.

What school did you go to? A local University here where I live. I did all online classes this last semester and really liked it alot even though I miss being around 18 year old girls that look like they eat only ice chips and model for Vogue. Envy is a resolution I'm working on for next year.

Tell us about something good that happened: Lots of things, I met Eric, I got all As in school, I started this blog and have made some great new friends, rekindled an old friendship etc etc

Did you change much? I don't know? I guess I changed in the fact that I was the one that ended the relationship this Spring when there was really nothing wrong with him just he was wrong for me. I would have never walked away from something or someone who loved me that much before. I just wasent ready to settle again.

Are you happy with who you have become? Very I love being a mother more than anything and think I have really "grown' into that role well

Tell us a song you were hooked on: I love Flowering Spade by Sean Hayes It is playing constantly on my iPod.

Did you go to the beach? I wish! Maybe this new year I can get a vacation in somewhere warm!

Did you get really dressed up for anything? No not really a couple of weddings that were really courthouse casual this summer. Oh I did wear a dress for my ex's brothers wedding that was during my skinny pre gaining 10 pounds in a month days so I looked pretty smokin!! I mean if I do say so myself.

Tell us a funny thing that happened? My kids make me laugh everyday. I ran into a telephone pole while running I am sure that was hilarious for the people that were watching it.

Tell us the saddest thing that happened? My Dad's dog Dook had to be put to sleep yesterday. That was really sad. We knew he was sick and that putting him down was inevitable but it was a tough thing to read from my Dad. Also losing Jack the cat was really sad too. I am lucky my two legged family memebers have all been happy and healthy this year!

What are your plans for New Year? Going out with E to do who knows what since he has made secret plans that are driving me crazy not knowing!!

What are you most looking forward to next year? School, running in the nicer weather, Summer, vacationing with E and his girls. Hopefully going out to Seattle to see my Mom and sis. Lots of things...

Tell us something you plan on changing for next year? Well I want to be healthier in what I eat. Train more, be more patient, the usual things

Think back to the beginning of the year and now think of now what’s different: Oh God I was living with a man, I had a different car, a different hair color, I was a different jean size : )

Are you happy with what happened this year?​ I am very happy I was fortunate to have had a good year when so many people around me were losing jobs and homes, and retirement savings, I somehow got around all that and feel very very blessed

Was 2008 your best year? Well I am planning to have lots more years so I am gonna say that this isnt my best that it is yet to come!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Time For New Beginnings

Since my Mom is in town this week and I have pretty much been on the move since her plane landed on Saturday I am gonna cheat a bit with today's post. A friend sent me this and I thought it blog worthy. Just a simple verse to remind us what is important and all that we have to look forward to in the coming year.

I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Year's Eve tomorrow night. I am going to venture out into the public for the first New Year's celebration that wasn't spent in my house or someone else's house since high school. I am very much looking forward to partying like a grown up and laughing at the drunk people. Happy New Year!

Time for New Beginnings

"This is a time for reflection as well as celebration.
As you look back on the past year and all that has taken place in your life,
Remember each experience for the good that has come of it and for the knowledge you have gained.
Remember the efforts you have made and the goals you have reached.
Remember the love you have shared and the happiness you have brought.
Remember the laughter, the joy, the hard work, and the tears.
And as you reflect on the past year, also be thinking of the new one to come.
Because most importantly, this is a time of new beginnings and the celebration of life."

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Spin Cycle: New Year's Resolutions

This is my first Spin Cycle, I have been a big follower of Jen over at Sprite's Keeper forever and enjoy reading every ones take on her chosen topic of the week, but have always been too chicken to join in. I figured I should just man up and do it, especially since this Spin is about New Year's Resolutions.

This year has been interesting to say the least. I started the year in a relationship and am ending it with a new one. A better one and one that I didn't just settle for. That's my first resolution for the new year:

1. No more settling. Time to realize that just because I am a woman, or a single mom, or in school, or over 30, it shouldn't more excuses. No more settling for someone of something that is just okay. I am aiming high. I have a tendency to accept things that will just get be by. A job that just pays the bills, or a relationship that nothing terrible about it but nothing too terribly exciting either. No more. Watch out world.

2. Join a gym. I haven't worked up the whole go and work out at the gym yet. But I am pretty excited about carrying the card around in my purse and having $60 deducted from my bank account every month. Baby Steps...

3. You know that old joke when someone asks you what your New Year's Resolution is and they say they are going to quit smoking crack, or cigarettes or turnips...but they don't really smoke those things? Yeah I know I am laughing on the inside too. That's me I don't smoke but I resolve to be a supportive girlfriend of a man who is going to try and quit smoking...cause lets face it, its no freakin fun. As a former smoker I know how hard it is for the actual quitter, but as the girlfriend that has to be around the person that is quitting? Ughhh I suck at being understanding and putting up with tiredness and grouchiness and etc., etc. So I am gonna be chanting the "God give me the patience" prayer in my sleep this year. E has said he is gonna quit. As much as I think smoking is soo sexy. I want him healthy and alive for along time...preferably with me. So I will try to be the best cheerleader there is and maybe throw in a couple of rewards for his progress *wink wink*

4. Run a half marathon. I am confident this will happen. I can run the mileage pretty easily. Its just I have this nasty little habit of not doing anything unless I know I can be the best. Kind of reverse perfectionism. If I don't think I can do it perfectly I just don't try. So in 2009 I am gonna run it, I am gonna finish the race and not care if I don't finish first. Show my girls and boys what their Mom can do and to prove it to my self I can run more than 6 miles and not keel over.

5. Be a better Mom. I make this one every year I think cause Christmas just seems like a big slap in the face of the reality of time passing, and how they won't be little forever. My niece MY NIECE!! is turning 18! this February. Graduating from high school this May. Holy crap! I remember when she was born! I remember when she started kindergarten! It seems like only yesterday she was graduating from 8th grade!

My sister cries every time the subject comes up and I wonder if she is thinking back on to all things she wished she would/could have done with her little girl who is now almost an adult. I don't want that. I mean I know they will get older but I don't want to look back and think that I just did the minimum Mom requriments. The whole settling thing again.

I have my kids I am going to start once a month taking one of them to do something special with just me. Its hard when you have four kids and only two hands to always get to do everything that a specific kid wants to do. Lily my 7 year old is dying to go ice skating but I don't think I could hold on to 4 hands and keep myself upright on the ice without someone getting a blade in the head. So I figured this would be the best thing for me and the kids to get to hang out and do something they normally wouldn't get to do with all of their siblings. As the lovely VodkaMom recently commented "Time is a thieving bastard" I plan to catch the mother fucker head on this year and at least slow it down for an afternoon.

There are so many things I want to do better this coming year: floss more, love more, eat less, enjoy the little things more, worry less... all the things I think about doing every new year, hell every new week. Sometimes I get there sometimes I don't, so these guidelines are just that,guidelines. That way when the things that I want to get accomplished do get done it is that much more rewarding then when the things that don't get done don't. I am really just not making any sense to myself anymore...You get the general idea don't ya?

This year has been on the whole a good year. I sent my little girl to kindergarten, we elected the first black President, I got all A's in school and finished 2 more semesters, my ex and I have started to at least be on civil speaking terms for the kid's sake, and I met one of the most amazing men I could have ever asked for (no not George Clooney maybe in 2009) and I am happy, healthy and breathing.

I wish all of you a very happy New Year.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Hammer On

I am a secret Hammer Duclimer fan, I mean a big one. I love it and very much think that this hobby will be what I try and learn how to do when I am old and living somewhere warm. This first video is my favorite Christmas tune and I hope you enjoy. I so love the dude rockin the mullet. Its all business up front though on this morning show video even though I am sure he can throw it down with some AC/DC when he wants to.

This next video is not a Christmas song but its my Dad so I can show him some Chirstmasy love by posting this one. He has only been playing the Hammer Dulcimer for about 7 years and is incredibly good. This is a video he posted on youtube for my stepmom who loves The Wizard of Oz. So here is my Dad playin Somewhere Over The Rainbow:

I hope you all have a great and Merry Christmas. Don't drink too much, don't eat too much, don't stay too long, but laugh alot, bite your tongue alot, and remember you are making memories. I love all my blogisphere peeps out there. Happy Holidays

Sunday, December 21, 2008

You Are My I Love You

No not you....geez get over yourself.

I try and be a semi good mother occasionally and was reading some bedtime stories to the girls tonight when I came across this book I had almost forgotten that I had. Unlike seemingly every other Mother on the planet, I didn't feel that overwhelming love or connection right after the birth of my first child, which when I was given this book. I read it put it down and hoped to God that I would someday stop feeling like I was just babysitting and form a bond with this little thing in my arms. I of course did and it hit me hard, like a steam roller and all my inner cheesy Momness came gushing out. Then with the birth of the second and third and fourth babies, loving them came like second nature, even though I may not have fallen in love with them immediately I knew because of my experience with Lily that it would eventually happen. Reading this book tonight was yet another reminder just how much they need me. How much our kids need us as parents to be their carriage, to be their bridge and to be there for them with open arms.

I don't know what's gotten into me recently...if its my youngest getting older, or my oldest still getting oldest(?), or me just getting older, or all the paint fumes coming from my laundry room, but I cried like a baby while I was reading this. Shocking and apparently providing much entertainment for my wee ones. It reminded me of what is important to me that simple things like reading a book or telling them a story or singing a song means more to them then the newest iPod or video game. Ughhh pass me the whole freakin box of tissues now. When the hell did I become such a softy?

Here are the lines from the book You Are My I Love You by Maryann Cusimano. Any of you who have children somehow somewhere at sometime in your life, know that as much as they drive the living daylights out of you (especially on snow days and Christmas vacations) they are everything you never thought you needed and more. If you are a parent, or have a parent, or know a parent, get this book, read it or reread it, have a good cry and hug your kids or someones kids tight (just make sure you have permission if they aren't your own.)

I am your parent;
You are my child.
I am your quiet place;
you are my wild.

I am your calm face;
you are my giggle.
I am your wait;
you are my wiggle.

I am your carriage;
you are my king.
I am your push;
you are my swing.

I am your audience;
you are my clown.
I am your London Bridge;
you are my falling down.

I am your carrot sticks;
you are my licorice.
I am your dandelion;
you are my first wish.

I am your water wings;
you are my deep.
I am your open arms;
you are my running leap.

I am your way home;
you are my new path.
I am your dry towel;
you are my wet bath.

I am your dinner;
you are my chocolate cake.
I am your bedtime;
you are my wide awake.

I am your finish line;
you are my race.
I am your praying hands;
you are my saying grace.

I am your favorite book;
you are my new lines.
I am your night-light;
you are my starshine.

I am your lullaby;
you are my peekaboo.
I am your good-night kiss;
you are my I love you.

Damn it just writing it gets me all teary. At the risk of sounding like a afterschool special, I think during the holiday season more than any other time of year, when we are rushing to buy the latest or newest, or fastest or coolest toys and gadgets, even when economically things have been tight on our pocketbooks, we still feel the need to give them things to prove to them how much we love them. Even if that's not our outward intent, it stills comes from the thought that if you have more, you are loved more. Which as an adult I still fall victim to that way of thinking. Simple children books like this make me realize that we are everything to them even if we have seemingly nothing in the eyes of the World. CEO of a fortune 500 company or laid off after 10 years at a job, we are King or Queen of the Planet to them.

Nothing seems to be slipping away faster than time right now and time that I so desperately want to stop for just an hour to savor in all their little kid naughtiness and lovableness. I want to be their I love you for as long as they will need me to be, and they of course will always be mine.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Happy Birthday Red

Your birthday feels like a lifetime ago. Back then I was really only beginning to come into my own as a woman and as a mom. I was scared shitless to do this on my own. Since you were the fourth child my fears of 'breaking you' were replaced with the fear of doing it right, of not having someone else to fall back on when things got hairy. I had no one else to share the blame with if you didn't sleep through the night, or eat your vegetables or set the cat on fire. It was all me, you were all mine the good and the bad, and the ugly, you were my responsibility.

I didn't want to be a single mom. I knew alot of women, your Grandma included, who did it by themselves and did it well. It just didn't seem natural to me,being pregnant alone, giving birth by myself and definitely being driven home with you from the hospital by my best friend instead of my husband was a feeling of helplessness and anxiety that I can probably never explain to you. I got over that quickly and you taught me more about myself then I ever hoped to learn. You showed me the power that I never knew I had, to do this on my own. You gave me the confidence I needed to not give up. The determination to be a better role model, to be a great mom, and to prove to myself that I could do this and do it well.

My World changed the day I held your little cheesy baby body in my arms. I was so wrapped up in myself and everything that had happened during the pregnancy that your cries your presence was enough to snap be back to the reality of what I was and who needed me the most. I could whine and complain till the cows came home, but you still needed to be fed, to be held and most of all to be loved. I knew I could do that and you made it so easy to do. The circumstances surrounding your birth only led to your absolute uniqueness and not for a second did it take away from the magic of seeing and experiencing a new life come into this world.

Your birth baby boy, your existence in my life made me realize the sheer willpower that I never knew was there. You cried in the middle of the night I was it, the only one to take care of you. Your diaper needed to be changed? As much as your big sisters wanted to help, I was it, no more passing the buck, no more delegating. You were the beginning of my new normal and like it or not I had to take this new challenge on with confidence, and a "No Bitching Allowed" attitude. I learned quickly that I could complain but you could care less if I had just changed your diaper five minutes ago, or had been up all night with a sick toddler, or had to get the little girls off to school, clean, shop, shower, and lose the 40 pounds of pregnancy weight all in a span of 10 minutes, or so it seemed. You needed me, I was the most stable thing in your life. And if you realized how scary that was, you probably would have worked out some sort of bribe with the baby next to you in the hospital nursery to switch armbands so you could go home with his parents. We made it, two years, the best and worst two years of my life.

You are my last baby, my very first little redhead, my fourth child, and my reason for getting out of bed when I just wanted to get back under the covers and feel sorry for myself. You and your brother and sisters have been my constant. When things seem to be losing perspective and my world gets a little bit shaky, I step back into this life and remind myself that all of you need me, all of me. When my life took a big downward spiral when I was pregnant with you I couldn't imagine what my life would be like with another baby. Now with your sweet little smile and perfect fit into our family, I couldn't imagine what my life would be without you in it.

As you get older Nathan, and will inevitably need me less and less, know this, you can always come back to me to steady yourself, to find some perspective and always to find love.

Happy Birthday my little Red.

Monday, December 15, 2008

We All Grieve Differently

After the untimely death of Jack the cat, my son the almost 2 year old has been acting very strange. And by strange I mean I think I am gonna go online and research a good shrink for him just to get a head start before it becomes court mandated. His odd behavior? He is now acting like a dog. All the time. He barks. He wants me to scratch him on his head. He pants when he is asked to say please. He rolls around on the floor and has just started to crawl everywhere lapping at the air? If I didn't find it so cute I might really be concerned for the boy's mental health.

I have to admit I am a bit of an enabler. I mean who doesn't want to play fetch with their kid? I ask him he wants a treat, or if he needs to go outside, or wants to take a walk. Purely for my own twisted amusement. I will draw the line however at putting a leash on him, or installing a fire hydrant in the playroom. The kids gotta have some boundaries right? Maybe Jack's spirit came back to freak me out as a dog disguised as a little red headed two year old?

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Mother Nature Can Kiss My Ass

You know I don't mind living in the Midwest. As previously mentioned in a older post, no doubt when the weather was 70 and sunny, I love it here. I love the seasons. The rain in the Spring and the heat in the Summer and the leaves turning color in the Fall and the snow in the winter. Well I lied. I hate it and I especially hate it when it is freezing rain outside and E who lives 50 minutes away from me can't come over for our weekly Sunday night (don't call it a booty call) get togethers. Why does anyone stay in the sucky winter states? I mean why don't we all pretend we're 80 and Winter in Boca three months out of the year? (and yes I know that's not realistic but its my rant so be quite)

I really do love it here for the time being at least, my family is here and my life, but I hate when I can't see the people I love because of shitty weather. I don't mind the snow or driving in the snow, but when it is pouring down ice that is just not right, and I don't care what kind of 4 wheel drive vehicle you own it just becomes one big flying ton of metal on nights like tonight, which leaves me with some *ahem* pent up energy that needs to be dealt with. God damn weather.

And yes I will have some cheese with my wine.

My Son: The Not So Subtle Hint Giver

A conversation between me and my four year old son today after he got home from Christmas shopping for me with his Grandparents...

Me: Hey kid how was the shopping trip? Did you get me something fabulous?

And by fabulous I mean something fabulous cause its from my kid and costs no more than $5. You gotta love those shop by themselves places

Son: Me got you something great mama. You want me to give you a hint?

Me: Sure but don't tell me what it is I wanna be surprised on Christmas morning.

Son: OK Me got you something that is round and shiny and fits on your finger.

Me: Hmmmm I have no idea! I bet its pretty though.

Son: Oh yeah and it starts with an R. You're gonna love it mama. Fofie got you something that hangs on the tree and is square and looks like Santa Clause. don't remember what she got you.

Me: Oh I know I will love everyone's gifts! I can't wait to find out what it is?!

If you need me I'll be working on my surprised faces in the mirror! I love Christmas.

Friday, December 12, 2008

WelI I Made It 8 Months

I was driving in my garage on Easter morning after brunch when I thought I saw what looked to me like a ginormous sewer rat. (In reality it was a ground squirrel.) I have never been so freaked out...ever. I didn't have the knowledge about how to deal with vermin in my house, and seriously thought about just putting the house up for sale. No lie, pathetic I get it, but I don't like rats especially ginormous city sewer rats that could chew my face off as I sleep at night. It could have been, come on, that's not dramatic. Just cautious.

My boyfriend at the time, who really was just no help in the "man department" suggested getting a cat. I had been thinking about getting one for a long time anyway. The kids were getting older and cats were easier than human babies, so why not? Cats are pretty low maintenance and I just don't get attached to them like I do dogs or you know humans so I thought perfect lets get a cat, it will keep the mice and rats and other things I don't want in my house away.

The next morning we go to the shelter and pick out Jack our cat. He was a kitten and the lady at the shelter thought he was born in January so we decided that Jack and Sophie (my second baby) would have the same birthday. (Score one for the kid who thinks nobody loves her.) We take him home spoil him rotten with new toys, kitty beds, and the best food. He is loved/hated by the kids, he is a kitten so he is very "spirited" You know spirited like what I was trained as a teacher to tell the parents of the bratty kids. "No no, Mrs. Jones, little Johnny isn't disrupting the class climbing over the desks to get to my pencil holder to start throwing pencils at his fellow classmates, he's just spirited! Who wants 20 kids that behave all the time anyway??" Yeah like that.

Eventually, come September or so the little boys started to really fall in love with the cat. He would sleep on Nick's bed at night and after Nick and Nathan got home from their Dad's house on Thursdays they would race through the house yelling for Jack. After finding him they would spend a scary amount (no doubt for the cat) of time laying on him and telling him how much they missed him, as the cat, I am sure, was just expressing his love and amount he missed the boys by scratching at their faces and biting their legs.

Many times throughout these eight months I have thought about giving him back to the pound or at the least finding him a nice home without kids.

Many times I have cleaned up bloody scratches and soothed broken hearts as the kids don't understand why the cat would bite/scratch run away from them when all they wanted to do was "play with him"

Many times I caught myself petting that damn thing as I sat and watched T.V. wondering how the sound of his purring could make me feel calm and happy.

Many times I laughed at the pictures I took of the kids trying to dress Jack up in Cabbage Patch clothes, or unsuccessfully trying to put make-up on him.

I thought we were making progress though, after the little guy got neutered he calmed down a bit. I don't know if that was my imagination or if after being desexed he just didn't have the desire anymore to prove that he was the alpha pet in this household.

I don't get attached to cats. I just don't. I know its probably my cold cold heart, but I used to be a big embarrassing cat lover. Before Lily we had a cat who I loved more than life itself. I had about 340 picture albums full of all the cute things the cat did. When I got pregnant with Lily, I used to tell people that if Lily was allergic to the cat, then I would put Lily's crib in the garage (and I was only really halfway kidding). I couldn't imagine loving my baby more than I loved my "first baby". Then I had her and I could barely remember the cats name, and the pictures of the cat got replaced with thousands of pictures of my sweet little baby. It's that thing that until you have your own just doesn't make sense but it happened to me even as much as I tried to resist it. I wasn't worried that this time around it would be hard for me to stay detached from something that wasn't really an extension of myself.

I took care of Jack gave him fresh water and food every night, and changed his litter box every morning, but I didn't have that undying love toward him that comes so easily when little bitty pieces of your heart are walking around.

Jack got outside alot. I even stopped looking for him when he would get out. I figured who am I to deny him his kitty freedom. He would cry at the door and I was convinced he was trying to espcape from this kidtastic house he was thrust into. He would always come back at night to eat and sleep, and he almost never wanted to go out when it was cold or rainy. I thought What the hell? He had his shots and he couldn't impregnate any of the neighborhood girl cats so why not let him run around outside and have his kitty fun. Nick, my four year old thought that Jack went across the street and played with the neighbors dog. Yeah that dog weighs more than me, and I am pretty sure the cat wasn't over there playing cards but who knows stranger acquaintances have been formed.

I leave for Kewanne where my boyfriend lives every Tuesday afternoon and am back on Thursday mornings. I ALWAYS put the cat in the house before I leave, or at least make sure a neighbor gets him in the house or garage if I can't find him before I go. Well this weekend I didn't. It had just started to rain and it was freezing and icky out and I ran around the house with Jack's food bowl and called his name, but no luck. So I called a friend and just asked her to keep an eye out for him and took off. He has been outside before with no problems and I wasn't too worried, expect I didn't want him to be too cold.

I get home Thursday morning. I have a call on my phone with the animal shelter, thinking that Jack had somehow gotten picked up by animal control I quickly call them back without listening to the message, at the exact moment the lady is telling me that Jack was turned in by a couple who had hit him with their car, my wonderful neighbor Bill was knocking on my door with a note, from this person, who had thought the cat had belonged to my neighbor, since apparently Jack had run out from his driveway, and had left a note on his front door.

As I am reading the note that said that this man was very sorry but that my cat had ran out in front of his car and that they didn't have time to stop, that they had taken my cat to their vet but that he had died on impact, the vet had said, and that their doc had recommend taking him to the pound in case I had that tracking chip put in him when I had adopted him (I had) ,that is how the shelter got my number and was waiting to hear from me before they did anything with his body.

I'm not so good with death. Human death, animal death, death of strangers or loved ones, I don't exactly handle myself all that great. I felt sick to my stomach and even though I never really did bond with Jack, the thought of my kids not having him around anymore was enough to make me start to bawl right there on the phone.

The lady at the shelter we'll just call her "the bitch with no tact" was at that moment giving me a lecture on why I should have not let my cat get outside and how this is why the shelter sees so many accidents and an increase in their animal population every year is because of owners like myself who don't care enough about their pets to keep them safe indoors. If I hadn't been so completely in shock at that moment I would have told that lady to bite me in not so few of words, but I didn't I cried and apologized and cried to my neighbor who told me that it wasn't my fault and made me hot chocolate. You can tell he has to be the best grandpa ever.

When my boys got home from their Dad's, as usual the first thing my four year old does is go around the house and yell for Jack with his brother and partner in crime behind him yelling "Kitty! Kitty!" Now I am not a softy by any means but that broke my heart. Ughh I had to tell them that Jack wasn't here and that I thought maybe he had ran away for awhile to go and play with his kitty friends down the street. I had no idea how to deal with that on a kid level. "Hey kids, your know your mom? Yeah she failed miserably as a pet owner and Jack is now eating meow mix in the sky." ???? The girls who never got so attached to them weren't that disappointed, now they could leave their bedroom door open at night so the cat wouldn't get in and jump on their feet all night.

It was a sad day for me yesterday, it was a day that I look on as a big fat failure for me as a grownup. I hate to fail. I hate to do something that I know was half assed by leaving him outside instead of looking for him. I know I am a more responsible person than that and it pisses me off that I didn't take the time to find him and put him inside where he wouldn't meet tires on the road. I think I am gonna take a break from raising any kind of furry animals for awhile, maybe a nice house plant? We will all undoubtably miss him here in our family and I am just very grateful that we had him for these eight months.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My Brain Is Tired

I got my older girls each a Nintendo DS for Christmas this year. Purely and unashamedly (is that a word?) selfish on my part, because I wanted to play Super Mario Brothers and other games from "back in the day". I ordered them online and they came in the mail on Tuesday just in time for the kids to be at their Dad's for their "weekend" and plenty of time for their Mom to "test the toys out" to make sure you know they aren't radioactive or anything like that. I had bought awhile back that game Brain Age cause I thought it would be funny to see just how stupid I really not really, but I am laughing and apparently I am stupid. I took the initial test to see what my "brain age" was and then in theory you are supposed to go back daily and retest to see if your brain has gotten any smarter from doing the different exercises that the game has you do.

So you wanna know what my brain age is?? I know you are all dying to know the IQ of the chick that has the hots for Gary Sandberg right? At least maybe it will give me some sort of excuse for the dreams? Ready? It's 56! Fifty freakin six years old?! I just got all As this semester at school. All As you smarty pants talking head on there who told me that my brain was tired and that if I rest more and eat carbs first thing in the morning...oh and do these exercises I will train my brain and it will eventually become more energetic and hopefully not as old and tired. The tests on the game are kind of fun..and yes I can admit some are a bit more challenging than others. For example the first one showed you words that were names of the primary colors (red, yellow, blue, green) the lettering was colored sometimes the same as the word like yellow would be written in yellow ink and sometimes yellow would be written in blue ink and you would have to say out loud into the Nintendo what the actual color is. Piece of cake right? Hell no! On top of people looking at me funny for screamin "BLUE, no shit I mean YELLOW, I SAID YELLOW!!" into a video game I also realized just how my brain works or should I say doesn't work. I'm not gonna lie, just a bit embarrassing on all levels. My goal is 20 years old. That is the optimum brain age according to this game. I think they probably will never let you get to 20 because then what? I like the game now and will now have to make up some sort of excuse, possibly that Santa must have been eating Cheetos while delivery my kid's Christmas gifts, since the screen is now somewhat icky. Have I told you all that I HATE to lose. I was up late last night doing the Sudoku puzzles on there. That is better than crack! Has anyone ever done those? I didn't get how to do it at first but now I am hooked and needed somewhat of a mini intervention to shut the game off last night. I will have a brain of a 20 year old God Damn it.

So I am off to run now, which is supposed to somehow strengthen my peripheral cortex muscles, and hopefully my leg muscles as well.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Slightly Inappropriate Crush

I know this post will probably ruin my "street cred"... well no I take that back the post where I professed my undying love for all things John Denver and then ended it with the phrase "that's how I roll" probably sucked a bunch of the remaining balance....but I digress.

Have you ever had a dream about someone that before that dream you had never thought twice about and then after the dream that person is suddenly in your thoughts constantly and you want to stick an ice pick in your eardrum to try and get that person out of your head because its not the typical crush? No, not even my typical Chris Matthews, Chris Farley crushes that I am known to have, it is someone who I listen to alot, someone who I may even admire a bit, someone who's fashion sense is something to be desired but still I should never judge a book by its cover right?

I listen to the Peoria City Council meetings every Tuesday they are played on WCBU. When I can't listen to them I record them and listen to them on my iPod on my Wednesday runs (told you I'm a geek) Well I am blaming those meetings those words of this person in my ears for this slightly embarrassing and inappropriate crush.

If you're not from Central Illinois you won't know who this guy is but for those of you that are you will probably question your choice to read my blog after this, but its the chance I have am willing to take to make this public. Hopefully writing this post will help rid his imagine from my brain so I can go back to dreaming about normal things like being in a naked circus and riding off into the sunset with Harrison Ford.

Its Gary Sandberg, a city council member, and a Peoria institution all in and of himself, known at least by me for his long winded explanations about why he opposes everything and anything and of course for his bow ties. Now the guy is pretty cool, and I think he enjoys what he does and going to bat for the "little people" of the Peoria area totally earned my respect for this guy. He dances to the beat of a different drummer. Has opinions and opinions and um opinions that other people may not always agree with but you have to have some sort of admiration for anyone who doesn't just follow the obvious path. But having naked Gary Sandberg dreams is like me having sex dreams about my ex father-in-law. I am sure the guy has some smooth moves, and is very popular with the ladies in his own right, but come on brain where did all my predictable heartthrobs go during my R.E.M. sleep? Where's the Brads and the Georges, hell even where's my sexy ass boyfriend? But please no more Garys. He's all I can think about and I blush everytime I see that picture . Its like having a bee buzzing in your ear and you keep swatting it away but the buzzing is still there. Help...

I do kind of have a thing for older guys with that salt and pepper hair thing going on. It always reminds me of my therapist who I had a very inappropriate affair with, once upon a time (a blog post for a different day). So that's probably where this dream/crush can from, since if I were to have a crush on any of the city council members it would probably me the Mayor, I mean I think most of us would agree that he is pretty easy on the eyes, or that Madam Clerk lady she sounds kind of hot. Just sayin...

I can't be the only one who has a tiny crush on Gary am I? Come on here's your chance ladies. Back me up. Tell me I am not crazy and don't need to seek professional help ASAP, I mean for this anyway.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Goodbye Lorraine

I stole this meme from DeeMarie . I love these kind of things because they are semi fun to do plus it gives me a break from my brain trying to figure out something somewhat entertaining to write. Which it seems to be having a problem with lately.

So here are the rules:

1. Put your iTunes or MP3 player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!





5.WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Penniless Patron (LMFAO)



8.WHAT IS 2+2? O My Soul


10.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Bananaphone (God I love Raffi)









19.WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? You're Pretty When I'm Drunk (only slightly embarressed I have that on iTunes)

20.HOW WILL YOU DIE? Politics


22.WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? Poprocks and Coke

23.WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? Warm Weather (oh it sooo doesn't)




27.WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? The Sun Is A Mass of Incandescent Gas

28.WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Goodbye Lorriane

Not tagging anyone... if you want to play along, feel free!!!

Ok that was a silly amount of fun! Can you tell I have finals tomorrow and want to do anything besides study? I also have an abnormal amount of Frank Black and The Pixies in my iTunes account. I am totally blaming the boyfriend for that. I also think I have not passed the age of 13 in my head. I am goona go buy me some MadLibs now and make some prank phone calls.

Maybe I Should Join the Circus?

I've been having this dream for the last week or so that I am a part of the circus as a trapeze artist, (which I know must be a dream because I am scared of heights, and moving fast). Every night I get up on the platform in my sexy leotard, (which I know must also be a dream because I probably wouldn't choose the purple sequin getup in everyday casual wear, also my hair is long which it hasn't been in 10 years), and high heels and I am the star of the show, a standing ovation even before I start the performance (damn I must have a reputation). I wave to my admirers and the music starts, the circus conductor MC guy ( I know they have a different name I just don't feel like googling it, I haven't had my 6 cups of tea that usually help me function normally yet) introduces me as the World Famous Sarah Superstar and I grab the trapeze bar and start to swing. There is a person on the other trapeze that I know I am supposed to let go and they will catch me, so I work my speed up to fast (technical term) and as I let go of the bar I am no where near the other person's hand and I fall, and I mean I fall a long time and I am screaming but in this slow motion kind of scream and I can look around at the audience and they are all just sitting there staring at me....oh yeah cause as I am falling I have some how lost all of my clothes. As I am about to land on the net these 2 clowns who are holding the net start to move so I will fall on the concrete floor so I start to try and move my body around in the air to position it to land right on the net. But those damn clowns keep moving and I start to cry cause I know that it's gonna hurt when I land. Then I wake up. What the hell? I have no idea what it means or if it really means anything. I am not really too into reading in to things to much but I keep having this dream . I dream alot, usually just weird bizzarro stuff that I just attribute to the alcohol I had or the spicy food for dinner the night before, but I don't get this one? But why couldn't I just have the one where I am riding off into the sunset with George Clooney instead of crazy circus dreams?

Friday, December 5, 2008

I Feel Pretty

Well Heinous over at Irregularly Periodic Ruminations http://http// (I still haven't figured out how to link people without having to do all that. I hate my ignorance) gave me this kick ass award today and I am eternally grateful and not just for the acknowledgment, but for actually giving me something to write about since my brain seems to have taken a vacation without my consent lately. So here is my pretty award and the instructions that come along with it.

1. You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous blogs in a post.

2. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.

3. You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.

Instructions: On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them. When you post your five winners, make sure you link them as well. To add the award to your post, simply right-click, save image, then "add image" it in your post as a picture so your winners can save it as well. To add it to your sidebar, add the "picture" widget. Also, don't forget to let your winners know they won an award from you by emailing them or leaving a comment on their blog.

Addictions first:

1.) I'll start with the most obvious one I can think of and that's running. I love it. And I do believe that if I had to or was forced to stop running, say in some sort of bizarre kidnapping scheme, or an accident where my legs were broken, or the possible threat of World destruction if I were to lace up another Adidas I do believe that I would go into withdrawal which is what an addiction is right? Something you can't live without. If I don't run for more than a day I am cranky, some might even go as far as to say bitchy (gasp), tired, and my legs start to twitch (no lie) So I love it and as addictions go I guess it is better than most things, let's say crack for example.

2.) My computer. Whether it be emailing, IMing or blogging it is my lifeline to friends, family and love ones. I miss it when I don't have it, and if my computer isn't working for some reason or another I am incredibly antsy and usually go and run, shop, or eat to help displace the anxiety. I can say it is definitely my drug of choice.

3.) Shopping. Now I know as a budding therapist, I should shame myself into admitting the real reasons that I shop the way I do, usually impulsively with no thought as to how the light bill will get paid if I buy that beautiful jacket or expensive pair of shoes. I should know its textbook, not feeling good about myself and trying to buy material things to make me feel love for myself. Right? Really? I don't know I guess it could be true but hell it is soo much fun. It really does make me feel good when I find a good deal or even when I don't. I get a little jolt of excitement when I think about how good my feet will look in my new pair of boots I plan to wear tomorrow night. Sad...but true I make no apologies and I absolutely am addicted to shopping.

4.)Food. Definitely a fabulous addiction food and beverages I am gonna say. I love food and trying new food and making new foods even though I royally suck at the whole cooking process is something I love to do. I love to eat out and try new restaurants, but I also love the whole comfy feeling of my regular dive bar and the way it can make me feel happy and full and satisfied all at the same time. Food and drinks that can bring people together and enjoy each others company is an awesome thing.

5.) Man 5 addictions is kind of tough...seriously I have no idea what else I could be addicted to? Men? A great pair of jeans? The smell of Elmer's Glue and those little pink erasers? All good things.

I am not gonna name anyone specifically just because I love you all so if you want the pretty fab award its all yours. I can't wait to read all about your addictions! Thank you again Heinous. I know I see alot of my favorite bloggers over at his site, but if you haven't checked him out he writes a definitely addicting blog!

Monday, December 1, 2008

The World Might Be Ending

I can't think of anything to mind is a big bad blank blog page. I have even been trying to do things that might turn out funny or amusing so I can write it down, but I got zip, zero, el nothin.

Playing in the snow with kids....nope all were cold and wet within 5 minutes.

Thanksgiving....nope everyone got along and no family secrets were revealed.

Christmas shopping...nope I shop online so no crowds no mess no trampling stories to tell.

All that keeps going through my head is that I need to buy cat food, and how I wish I would have said yes to taking leftovers on Thanksgiving cause I could really go for a turkey sandwich right about now, and how I much I think that Kate from John and Kate Plus Eight is really a psycho blond bitch and am thinking she secretly killed Aunt Jody and hid her body so she couldn't steal her spotlight,and how I sooo hate the snow cause I can't run outside and my treadmill is not working so I am like a teenage girl who is PMSing BIG time times 100 cause I need to move my legs, and how I can't wait to take English 110 next semester so I can learn how to not use run on sentences in my blogs.

Hopefully more interesting posts to come. I am gonna ask Santa for some creativity while he's dropping off the kid's Wii.