Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Random Word Generator

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the Random horror! Seriously I do not just want to write
random things and post music videos for the rest of my blogging career do I? I read other bloggers and their tales of Grilled cheese Men and library books , interesting things like lawn Flamingos and scary clowns you know good shit like those guys. I have a bit of blogger envy at the moment since all I got is how I think I may be lactose intolerant and that would suck cause I love love love me some Lite Cool Whip, it tastes just like, well almost kind of, if you close your eyes and pretend, like vanilla ice cream and it only has 20 calories for every two tablespoons, which I know adds up when you sit there and eat the whole container but hell better than a whole container of ice cream.

I am tired I mean like I feel like I got hit by a Mac truck tired. I went to sleep last night at 10 PM which is probably normal civilized world bed time for most people but for me I am a night owl so to go to bed before midnight is like admitting that I am old. That I might miss something fun if I go to bed early, just like when I was a kid. I went to bed early and I am still tired this morning. If I was throwing up my Cheerios I may be worried I was pregnant but so far so good so lets just count that as a blessing.

I have been working out on this thing called the elliptical cross trainer at the gym, its like an elliptical machine but you kind of walk up instead of out. I love it, it is alot easier on my knees than running and lots of other good shit my brain cant wrap around the right words at the moment. So last night as I am falling asleep my brain goes to me on the elliptical machine and apparently in dream land I am a klutz cause I fell off it and did that whole seizure like jerking thing you do when you are between sleep and wake land. yeah good thing I was by myself cause I was even a little bit scared. .

This past weekend between my two daughters and my oldest son I had 5 birthday parties to go to! Which is just a pain. I have noticed this trend in my son's preschool lately with the birthday parties. On the invitation it says where the
party will be and what time and then at the bottom it says "Little Johnny has decided that in lieu of presents this year he would like his guests to make a donation to (insert charity of choice here) in his name" What the fuck? Little Johnny is 4 years old! What the hell kind of four year old says he doesn't want presents for his birthday?? I don't think its fair really. You know it was Johnny's pretentious snotty Mom who wanted people to think that they are better than you because they are teaching their son the meaning of the word compassion. Well good for them, but I bet you a million dollars the conversation went something like this :

Pretentious Mother: Little Johnny , how about this year instead of your little friends getting you presents we have them donate some money to the fire station instead?

Little Johnny: Hell no Mom you said I could have a Wii and a razor scooter and a hooker when I turned 4!!!

PM: Oh well don't worry Johnny your Daddy and I decided that we will still get you every single thing you wanted but we need to pretend that we care about other people so we need to make people think we donate some of our money to charity, so play along okay for mumsie??

Yeah I know I am sure that is not at all how it happens I am sure that my son would gladly give up his transformers to the local VW Hall so that their next singles mixers could have some punch.

Sorry I am bitchy when I am tired.

Koolaid is like wet flour when your two year old son spread it all over the back room and you are trying to clean it up for about 10 days and everything you touch keeps turning red. Do you think it is illegal to put him in a cage till he turns about 5 or 6? Yeah I thought so...

I got my first hate comment the other day. As previously mentioned I had the great honor to be featured over at Blogtations a site where they take nominated quotes from different blogs and post them on their site. Well GreenJello nominated one of my quotes from another one of my Random Tuesday posts it said this, "I have found the equivalent to legal crack, black tea... etc etc etc. Well I got a comment on their that said this: (now realize I can write this now and laugh but it almost made me cry when I read it the first time. Yeah yeah shut up I am a tad sensitive in my real life)

"You: I have found the equivalent to legal crack"

" Me: Fuck you, you offense piece of shit"

Now damn I can't figure out why people would get pissed at that?? I was talking
about black tea. I mean the only thing I can think of is that I pissed off the local crack dealer who lost some business to Lipton's when they read my post and thought "Black tea? Really? Like crack? I think I'll go check that out instead! Sorry Cockroach I don't need any crack today gonna go over to Krogers and get me some black tea. Yeah I read about on Sarah's blog." I mean that is how it happened in my head anyway. Someone suggested that maybe it was someone who was affected by crack? Whitney Houston perhaps? That would be cool if Whitney Houston read my blog! I called my four year old BOBBY all the time when he was little cause their reality show was on at the time and I am slightly demented.

Is it just me or do other people who watch House on a regular basis check to make sure there isn't any blood whenever they cough? Seriously that show is turning me more into a hypochondriac then I already was. Everyone starts out with coughing
blood then its all downhill from there unless you have House and his team. They always think its something easy like MS or cancer but then it turns out to be tapeworms or pretend pregnancies. I love that show. Hugh Laurie could take care of me anytime.

I have this problem (well one of many) that when someone says something a word or a phrase I immediately think of a song that has those words in it. Its slightly annoying to anyone who doesn't know me and only slightly less annoying to my friends who are forced to play along. Here is the conversation I had with my neighbor the other day.

Neighbor: Hey Sarah!

Me: Hey J! How are you?

Neighbor: Great! I just got back from the doctor.

Me: Oh yeah? Did he give you the news?

Neighbor: What? I mean yeah I guess. I have anemia.

Me: Does he have a bad case of loving you?

Neighbor: Well my doctor is a girl so I don' think she loves me, maybe as a patient but no...Do you think she loves me? Why what did you hear?

Me:I just heard that no pill will give her the cure.

Neighbor: slowly backing into the house and shutting the blinds realizing suddenly what I am doing.Possibly considering putting her house for sale but after realizing the failing economy decides to stick it out another year.

Me: Laughing like the dork that I am. I know I am sure you are all feeling sorry for me and my general lack of entertainment in my life that I have to stoop to acting like the village idiot, but you should try it sometime, its like crack (oh wait sorry angry commenter, I mean like sugar free gum)

I am in the car the other day telling my 3 oldest that they need to pick something to be in this Summer like soccer or softball, or dance lessons so I can sign them up for it before the classes fill up.

My 7 year old Lily says:

Lily: Mom I want to take aerobics class!

Me: Lily I don't think they make an aerobics class for 7 year olds.

Lily: Well can't you just tell them I am 8??

Me: Yeah Lily you only want to lie about your age being older than it really is ONLY until you're 21 then you can tell people you're younger. (Yeah I'm definitely gonna win Mom of the Year for that little life lesson)

Lily: OK Mom well then can I take cheer leading lessons.

Me: (Throwing up a tiny bit in my mouth) Sure honey whatever you want.

At the gym this weekend I saw a local news anchor. He stopped me at the water fountain and asked me if I was Sarah Superstar. Why yes I am Sarah Superstar I replied. He actually knew my Dad who is a somewhat semi known personality around Peoria. After he introduced himself and I told him I was a fan I did what I normally do when meeting someone that I have never met before...make an ass out of myself. I couldn't just have shook his hand and went on my merry way could I? Hell no what fun would that be?! I had to go and make a half hearted attempt at being funny. I said to him and I quote" Man you look taller in person" You see he sits at the news desk every night and I was you see trying to make the joke that he is taller in real life....yeah I think I scared him too. Lesson learned.

My second book club was Sunday night and let me just say it is soo much fun to just be around women. Intelligent funny women. I am by nature not a fan of hanging out
with women. I don't know what it is about me but women don't ever seem to like me, right away anyway. You know those girls at the gym or at school who are strangers before class and best friends an hour later?? Yeah not me. Never was me. Never will be me. I am content with my group of friends and never felt the need to be for lack of a better word overly "friendly" to strangers. These women though are genuine and I feel like I can talk and hang out with them and I feel comfortable with them, not like I am trying to be something I'm not. Which was the song I sang while I was with a pretty high powered man who had a lot of snooty high powered friends and I hated the thought that I was constantly being judged by what brand name my jeans were. These woman are successful and sane and normal and I totally heart them all because of that.

End ass kissing now.

Well that's all for the randomness this week. I have another 6 or 7 birthday parties this weekend and tonight is take out Chinese food with Eric and BIG LOVE!!!! I am only slightly more excited to see Eric than I am to watch that show, which we'll just keep our little secret k? Thanks! How could my life get any better???

Random Tuesday Thoughts is brought to you by Keely over at zthe Un Mom. Go check her out and all the other people that have joined this random cult I mean cool gang of bloggers.

Happy Tuesday!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Give Me the Beach Boys and Free My Soul I Wanna Get Lost In Your Rock and Roll....Come Sing It With Me I Know You Want To..

...and drift away. Ohhhhhhhhhhh

Title has nothing to do with the post except that song is on and the Beach Boys are coming to Peoria and I am nothing if not a Beach Boy fan. Move over Jesse Katsopolis, Sarah is their number one fan. I am hoping to win tickets and then I won't be able to decide who to take and the Beach Boys themselves show up at my door and we jam in my living room and they end up taking my whole family to the concert where during the encore we are all called up on stage to sing Wouldn't It Be Nice. A girl can dream no? ( My daughters are obsessed with Full House and I am beginning to wonder if it is affecting my sanity watching so many episodes.If I start wearing legwarmers and scrunchies call that dude from Intervention.)

Just wanted to take the time to brag a bit, toot my own horn if you will. I have been pretty lazy as of late posting awards given and tags but this one was so cool I had to let the sunshine in. The brilliance that is GreenJello, which despite her picking the nastiest flavor of jello for her blog name, is an awesome blogger, nominated one of my lines of my blog to be on Blogtations and guess what? Yep they actually put it up there! So go on over there and check it out and then go on over to GreenJello and read her stuff she is totally awesome.

I also wanna give a shout out to a couple of bloggers who are just the bee's knees, the Cat's meow, the butter to a loaf of yummy Avanti's bread....bloggers who honestly I have no idea how long they have been around but they rock, seriously they rock the dance floor or the stripper pole or the metal cage. They are a couple of people new to my blog role but people I do a little dance of joy when I see they have written anything new. One of the people I stalk is Rooked who is just plain and simple an amazing writer, I actually read his posts from begining to the end and that's saying alot for me, since I usually read his stuff early in the morning when the caffeine is just kickin in and I start to shake a bit from the overload to my system. He can turn a post about homeless crazy people and tornadoes into a work of art. I am a fan. My other favorite blog of the moment is Angela over at My Bella Figlia . She takes awesome pictures of her (almost as cute as mine) kids. Her posts are heartfelt, funny and just plain good. So go over there and read her now!

This is kind of taking the place of my rules for getting the awards and since it has been quite a while and those bloggers that gave me the awards probably think I have forgotten about them I really haven't! I have just been busy with life and school and love, and also all my new magazine subscriptions just came in the mail and everyone has been neglected, so please forgive me.

I am off to go and workout. I actually met the gym goddess yesterday and she is really nice. Bitch! She asked me if I was a hairdresser. Which I get that question alot and despite really wanting to believe its because my hair is so awesome I know its because most women can only fathom a hairdresser wearing their hair so short. "I wish I could wear my hair like yours" Which is what the perfect girl told me as she took her waist length hair out of her ponytail and it literally bounced on her back as it glistened in the sunshine (and it rained yesterday) . I almost told her to shut the hell up but I just smiled and offered her a power bar. Cause I'm nice like that.

Happy Friday !

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Everybody Get Random

Tuesday again. My favorite day to be random. Coincidence? Oh I choose to believe hell no. Once again I will be writing all the random nothingness that has happened over the past week . I skipped last week cause I was kind of in a "I don't want to write another blog post in my life" funk. Which I snapped out of after I got some sugar in my system (damn diet).

Speaking of diets (man I am queen of a smooth transition no?) I was at the gym this morning and working out on the elliptical machine watching what else on my iPod but How I Met Your Mother (yes I'm still obsessed, I have 3 seasons to catch up on, and on yet another side note I think Neil Pattrick Harris aka Barney, is the voice of Aladin King of Thieves. Crazy huh?) when this woman/super model/bitch I wish would die gets on the machine next to me. I am assuming just to kill time till she gets to go make some other gym goer feel self conscious and fat because she has about a negative 3 on the body fat scale and is built like a god or goddess I should say. She is gorgeous I mean in that way in the movies when the girl walks in the room and everything goes to slow motion? Yeah that way. Then to make matters even more humiliating as I am sweating and huffing and puffing through resistance level 4 she pulls out these weights about 10 pounds each and starts swinging them back and forth as she climbs her skinny ass up the stair climber. Is it wrong that I wanted her to drop one of those weights on her foot? Is it wrong that I wanted to grab the weights from her and drop it on her foot myself? I would have too, but shit have you tried to be on an elliptical machine only using one hand? Yeah not pretty. She finishes her 30 minutes gets off the machine and sighs as she dabs the non existent sweat off of her face, meanwhile I am thinking they made the "towel off your machine after you are done" rule especially for me. And off she goes to get on the treadmill as men and women alike fall over themselves to make room for her. There should be a separate room at the gym for the people that have already achieved perfection. Damn I sound bitter. I should work on that, eh maybe tomorrow.

So this last week I have been feeling kind of like a cross between having a heart attack with chest pain and an elephant walking across me with back pain. Now me not being one to worry (oh my god I can barely write that sentence without laughing) was slowly freaking out that I am having a heart attack and also simultaneously freaking out that I am going to get sucked into the cult that is the chiropractic buisness. Since my usual ignore it till it goes away or kills you routine wasn't working I decided to go with all four kids (I'm a smart one see) to my local PromtCare office since it was Saturday. I realized I had never really heard of people surviving 5 day heart attacks and what the hell would I do if I was dead and my kids had to be raised by the sperm donor? We didn't have to wait long and surprisingly my kids were decent acting. Partly because I had an endless supply of Valentines Day candy in my purse I was bribing them with and partly because there was a man in there with an oxygen tank that was fairly amusing to my boys who thought (out loud naturally) that he looked like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (we just got the movie on Friday night, plus he actually did kind of resemble the red one). I get in there thinking surely they are going to send me to the ER since I say I am having chest pain and back pain. Nope didn't even blink an eye, either they were all too concerned about Valentine 's Day plans later that day or they just didn't care if I keeled over in their parking lot. The doctor finally came in and Hello Mr Doctor, It's me Sarah Just wanted to drop you a quick note and let you know that even though you are a doctor and I'll even give you a hot doctor, please please speak up when you are asking me questions. For the love of medicine. I can not hear you when my 6 year old, despite my death glares, thinks it's hilarious to repeat every single one of your questions to me. I didn't think you would have looked highly upon me if I stood up and beat her right there in the office now would you? Maybe it was funny to you to make me keep having to repeat "Excuse me" Or maybe your mother just taught you how to use your inside voice. But next time lets take it up just a notch? That would be great. Anyway after careful examination you said my right lung sounded a little "fuzzy" and that you would give me some antibiotics and you also thought that I may have a kidney stone from the back pain. Since I have had two excruciating (worse than child birth) kidney stones I really didn't want to tell you I thought your were full of shit right there, mainly cause my 6 year old would probably have repeated it, but I went along with your peeing in the cup and humored you when you thought there was blood in my urine (sorry for the visual) and nodded my head when you told me they would send it to the lab and get back with me. Then of course did the I told you so dance on Sunday when your office called me back to tell me it wasn't a kidney stone. ( I know I am That mature). So I am not dying and I thank you for easing my anxiety and also its so super cool that the antibiotics you prescribed are also used to treat malaria. I like a doctor that covers all the bases. You're loving patient, Sarah

You know what show I miss? Cheers. When I was in high school my best friend dated this guy who wasn't in high school and he lived with a bunch of his friends right behind our high school in this cool (and in cool I mean shitty and scary and gross,but there was no adults so cool) apartment that we would skip school and hang out at all the time. There was this guy that hung out there that later became my best friend's ex husband and he was a big time stoner guy. Some would say "big time stoner guy" is a mild understatement but for the sake of the story let's just say he was always stoned. Whenever he would walk into the apartment we would all yell his name. (like on Cheers, see I did have a point to this )He would laugh uncontrollably and then go pour a bowl of cereal and all was well with the world. I miss those days and that show..oh and Night Court, now that show kicked ass .

Who else out there is comin with me to call bullshit on Joaquin Phoenix's hip
hop career? Seriously come on? What's with the crazies that come along with growing facial hair? Do I need to remind you of Mel Gibson ? Beard=Crazy. Well except for Letterman he just looked hot. (Sorry it is what it is)

Since I am on the famous people section of this post, does anyone else think its a tad unfair for Micheal Phelps's to get his endorsement deals taken away just for smoking some pot? I mean how many women did he beat up? Rape? Impregnate? And how come NASCAR racers don't ever get caught doing stupid stuff? I mean beside eatingpossum and marrying their cousins? I kid I kid. Shake and Bake baby.

So I am now going to show you the most awesomest Valentine's Day gift I have ever received and I am pretty sure it trumps all your lame flowers and candy gifts too so prepare your self for its awesomeness. It is called the My-vu Crystal. What it is is these Space Trek Starship (sorry I don't follow sci-fi) looking glasses that you connect to your iPod and you can watch your favorite videos, TV shows, movies on what appears to be a 50 inch screen in the sky!! It is soo freakin cool. So now instead of straining to see a movie on my tiny iPod nano screen (which was also an awesome gift from the boyfriend for my birthday) I can now lay back in bed and watch it on a 50 inch virtual screen. Sooooo cool. Yeah he got an extra thank you that night if you know what I'm saying. Come on now high five! (sorry channeling Barney from HIMYM again. Damn media influence.). Yeah he is the best gift giver ever. So now I have to figure out a way I can wear these to the gym without someone calling the mother ship to take me away.

He also gave me a card. Not much you may think but I love me a good card and he has told me when I asked him where my Christmas card was that he was "not a card giver" So imagine my surprise when I not only got a card for the big V-Day but also a cute little poem he wrote in there for me. Yeah he's the best (have I said that yet) Oh god I am almost vomiting at the gushy romantic shit this section has been overwhelmed with so I am moving on...

So as much as I love all of my followers and by love I do mean love. I was
slightly confused at my last follower who appears to be affiliated with some sort of church. I am assuming they are following me because I quoted a Bible verse on my last post about love, not because of my post on anal sex and my love of porn and bondage. Oh did I just write that?Oops. I know get the basket ready for me to go to hell in. I heard heaven is too hard to keep clean and shiny all the time anyway.

OK Ladies I know you are gonna be jealous of where I get to go tomorrow. Ready for it? The Chicago auto show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woot! Boo Yaaa! Yay me and my awesome
trip tomorrow!! (Did you buy it? Was that enthusiasm genuine enough?) I am in love with a car guy. The dealership his Dad owns gave tickets to what I think is something like the second biggest car show on the planet ( I think Mercury has the biggest. All those space car prototypes are popular there) and my boyfriend scored two free tickets! And guess who he choose to take with him??? ME!!! Score!!! YES! I am the luckiest woman to walk the face of the stratosphere!!(Too much?) I am sure he will see lots of half naked women on cars, (Do they still do that at car shows?) and I am really hoping they serve beer there, alot of beer.

I used to love vanilla ice cream with raisins when I was a kid. Now um not so much. But I do love broccoli. What the hell happened?

One final note for all my Central Illinois readers just a warning....Avantis is Satan.If Satan was warm and gooey and covered with butter. It calls you in with its warm bread and butter that I can never find in the store that tastes the same, the friendly guy at the carry out, the Italian music, the crowded lines of high college students. You're in there innocently enough for a garden salad, no bread please . The salad that seems harmless enough till they accidentally give you an extra loaf of bread. And extra loaf on top of the half a loaf that it normally comes with it and I said I didn't want, the loaf that they refuse to take back after I point out I didn't order a full loaf of bread. Cause who is crazy enough to not want more of its carbolicios goodness? The bread I find myself eating, alone, in a dark living room, smearing on butter and drinking wine and watching The Food Network while apologizing to my thighs. Stupid, stupid, warm wonderfuly smelling stupid bread. ( I am stomping my feet, cursing my lack of willpower).

Well that's all I am sure that was plenty and my brain needs a rest or a Red Bull I can't decide. Random Tuesday Thoughts is brought to you by Keely over at The Un Mom. Go check her out and read up on all of the other random facts of life that are thrown up on all over the Internet today! Happy Tuesday!!!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

All You Need

Love ...These four little souls walking around in my life are like little pieces of my heart spit out to form a ball of tangled arms and legs and sweaty heads not fully comprehending the extent to which they make my life what it is. Love was something I never fully understood till I became a mom and all the fairy tale lust and desire and romantic love that I thought could sustain me was nothing like the bulldozer of emotions that were piled on top of my heart the day I found out I was going to be a mom. This kind of love is scary and lovely and frustrating and rewarding. It is the thought that they need me unlike any other person on this planet needs me, not just to feed them and clothe them but to give them love. There is nothing I want more In this world than to see them grow up, to be happy to be healthy, to love and be loved because there is absolutely nothing like it.








Does Not



Does Not



Is Not



Is Not



Is Not


Love is Not Easily Angered.

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs.

Love Does Not Delight In Evil.

Love Rejoices with the Truth.

Love Always Protects.

Love Always Trusts.

Love Always Hopes.

Love Always Perseveres.

Love Never Fails. . .

Three Things Will Remain:



and Love.
The Greatest Of These is Love.

This spin on all things love is brought to you by the Spin Cycle over at Sprite's Keeper . Check her out for more spins on love this Valentine's Day Week!! Happy Thursday!