Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts



Once again its time for you all to have the distinct pleasure of reading.or um skimming my diarrhea of the keyboard on Random Tuesday Thoughts. Brought to you once again by Keely at The Un Mom. Its absolutely astounding the things that have gathered in my brain during the course of seven days..like Psych study astounding.


I started school today. This is technically the start of my Sophomore year and I have never been so busy and yet more content in my life. I have decided to take 3 online classes and one actual "real life" class, Abnormal Psychology...so if any of you have anything abnormal happen to you I can analyze it and tell you that I have no idea what it is...hey what do you expect its only my second year....



If I have learned one thing this week it is this...


DO NOT FUCK WITH THE MORMONS!

I am absolutely obsessed with the show Big Love. It started its third season Sunday but I am just playing catch up. And Holy mother of Joseph Smith is that show addicting, like black tea and shoe shopping addicting. I have been watching about 4 shows a night to try and get ready to watch season three with Eric tonight and it is consuming my brain. The main character Bill Paxton ( who I am increasingly thinking Eric looks like the more I watch the show) is married to three different women...the old one, the blond bitch and the young cute naive one. It is fascinating and I can't stop watching it, its painful now to be writing this when I have 3 more shows left in Season 2 I need to watch.

Just remember don't piss them off or they will poison you with arsenic or antifreeze and if your dad is the prophet then you are screwed. To be fair this is a different sect of the Mormons not the LDS group which the show makes clear again and again that they (the LDS) do not condone polygamy. And its really okay as long as you don't marriage underage girls or abuse the welfare system. Whew what a relief...

Oh and the Beach Boys sing the opening song, my favorite song by them I don't know the exact title but it goes "God only Knows What I'd Be Without Her Da da da da"....Love it. If you can watch it watch it....



I love the movie 13 Going On 30. I watched it this week with Lily, my seven year old. From which my daughter learned the valuable lesson that she wants a boyfriend that is both cute and smart, and even if he is a big famous hockey player but he is dumb then she doesn't want to marry him. Go Lily. I tell her there are plenty of smart cute ones out there and maybe she should wait till middle school to worry about husbands?? She shook her head at me and told me that she didn't want to waste anytime. God I love that girl. And thank God she got my sense of humor! (or at least I hope she was joking)



My daughter was invited to a swimming party this Saturday and on the phone while I was talking to the Mom of the little girl who was having the party, she offered to pick Lily up because and I quote "I don't know how you do it with four little kids. I saw you at the grocery store the other day and I thought to myself how does she do it? I can barely go grocery shopping by myself." End quote.

I thought to myself two things :

1. Shit I hope I wasn't yelling, grabbing or threatening one of my kids while she saw me at Cubs

2. Maybe I shouldn't let my daughter in the car with her if she can't even grocery shop by herself?? What the hell is wrong with her?




I have not had one crazy thing happen to me at Walmart this week. Well this guy did tell me he liked my shoes, but they were nice shoes. Oh and this lovely little self esteem booster took place. I am at the check out line buying wine and I am doing the self check out so when you scan alcohol it calls the cashier to the register to type your age in. The screen popped up and it said Is the customer over 40? She stared at the screen then stared at me and after I swear 5 minutes of apparently studying the lines on my face paused and pushed YES!!! WTF! Yes? I am 31 years old. I don't look over 40 What the hell Walmart lady? I was by myself that time and whenever I have my four freakin kids with me that must make me look younger I get carded? That shit is not right...



I had a dream I was having an affair with two different men (see Big Love obsession above) and one of the men NEVER took his blue tooth off...ever...never...gross I need to quit drinking before bed.







A lady looking for a Stella has called my house 39 times!!!!!!! Each time I pick it up and am polite cause I don't think she is all with it and explain to her that I am not nor ever was Stella. Even though I do like that name. I was going to name my second kid Stella until my family starting screaming Stttteeeellllaaaa!!! ala Marlo Brando every time they saw me.







Eric and I are going to take a vacation together this June His two kids, my 4 kids, in a van, to an indoor waterpark for four nights. I am soo excited since I haven't really been on a real vacation since my 6 year old was born. Except now the fear of having to walk around in a bathing suit for four days has set in and I have decided to give up drinking...which really should take about 10 pounds off the first week. Kidding I don't drink that much... sometimes....





I will end with my favorite line ever from a movie well one of my favorites. Its from the movie Knocked Up which I just rewatched this weekend for probably the 77th time....


"Marriage is like that show Everybody Loves Raymond, but its not funny. All the problems are the same, but you know instead of all the funny, pithy dialogue, everybody is really pissed off and tense"

Love. It.


Well that's the end of this train of thought so till next week or well till tomorrow Happy Tuesday. Happy Inauguration Day! How lucky we are to witness this great day in history! Here's hoping my kid's school has it playing today!!








17 comments:

Keely said...

Dude, I would worry about the woman who can't grocery shop too.

On the other hand, she's offering to PICK UP YOUR CHILDREN. Roll with it.

Julie@Cool Mom Guide said...

Why wouldn't she shop alone? Does she know that's the only 'me' time a mom can get? I love the same movies. My newest fav is step brothers. Laughed my ass off.

Cameron said...

I hate talking on the phone, so I've never had one of the bluetooth headsets. Plus I want to punch people that do use them.

Casey said...

I'm 31 too! I got carded the other day for buying a lotto ticket. Come on.
I will only shop alone unless I'm trying to kill time before bed time and drag my kid to the store.

We just watched Big Love again last night, I love that show. It seems like there were like ten years between seasons, no? I was glad to get caught up and you're right, Mormons are fucking scary. It's funny how quickly I come around to the idea of plural marriage when I watch that show. Someone to help with the kids? Hell yeah. Cook? Hell yeah. I would be the one napping all day. Obviously, I would be First Wife so I could tell those other bitches what to do.

Mama Dawg said...

That was so random. I LOVED it!

Debbie said...

Hysterical! I love the guy with the blue tooth. And I am all about the abnormal. Feel free to diagnose at any time.

Katie said...

I may have to start watching Big Love. It can be my show I watch while on the treadmill.

A couple months ago a friend and I were at Panache. I ordered a beer for her and did not get carded. She went up to get one and was carded. She is 41 and I am 30. Talk about kick int he butt!!

Dr Zibbs said...

Ha. Stella. Good one.

Jennifer said...

You know what else pisses off the Mormons? Calling them Mormons!

(I like "Big Love," too, but don't have Showtime (or HBO?) anymore, drats, now have to wait for it to be available via Netflix.

The Dental Maven said...

So I'm reading your Random Tuesday Thoughts and I'm thinkin' "MAN my life is boring!!"

Irish Gumbo said...

Wow, quite a trip, and yeah, the lady can't grocery shop by herself, oh man hope she was kidding AND LOOK THERE'S A CHICK IN A BIKINI...uh, what was I saying? ;)

blueviolet said...

That completely cracked me up! And it also completely exhausted me.

Beth said...

Analyze me! Analyze me! Sometimes when I'm at work and 24... no make that 47 people want a decision RIGHT NOW... no make that a decision made ten minutes ago, I feel like flapping my hands, biting my tongue, and stamping my left foot... no make that my right foot. Is that normal?

Your posts are always hilarious!

Vic said...

Six kids in a van!!! Where can I send your medal? (Maybe your kids don't engage in slap fights in the backseat?....
You are a better woman than me (I?).

Nora said...

I also am in love with Big Love.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Awesome randomness!

Glamour Girl said...

Love Big Love too! I call it Big Stress because I forget to breathe sometimes while watching it.

Your walmart story killed me. I swear I would have hit the check out lady with the wine then guzzled it right there. NO one ever EVER cards me however...