Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts



It seems I have no creativity as of late and have been using alot of these clever "day of the week prompts", but I have no shame plus I am always completely random and seem to have lots of thoughts that don't really go well with the other thoughts. This is courtesy of Us and Them who got it from Keely over at The Un-Mom. Two great bloggers eating away at my time each day. Go visit them if you haven't already and let me read your randomness. Please?

I have found the equivalent to legal crack...black tea. Holy mother of God. I think I have lost 5 pounds just from the heart palpitations. I am a tea drinker, green tea. I have for the most part given up soda and during my Summer of Craziness posted about earlier I was convinced that green tea would save me from every kind of sickness imaginable so I started drinking it purely for the health benefits, but got hooked. I dream about tea, I crave it and yeah it gives me the caffeine I need to not be a crabby bitch (most of the time). I mean I drink tea alot, all day and I use two tea bags for every cup of water, so I thought Iwas pretty used to the first intital side effects.

I am at the grocery store and they are out of the green tea I like so I get the Black tea. I come home make some tea and 18 hours later I am still trying to come down off that high. Wow. I cleaned my baseboards last night...I mean yeah.

My daughter got a love letter in the mail. Seriously I had to question her taste in men cause who uses paper letters anymore? He couldn't shoot her a love email? Profess his love on a blog or a Myspcae page like a normal 7 year old? It was sweet. He told her he liked her long hair and how she smelled good. Lily ate the whole thing up. Poor girl. This is the girl who would not let me NOT put a hair pretty in her hair all of Pre-K because a boy told her she looked beautiful with her hair up. Yeah she is boy crazy. All ready and it scares the shit out of me. So of course me being me and not one to let an embarrassing event in my daughters little life go unnoticed have been torturing her relentlessly ever sense she opened the envelope. She is 7. A love letter? Crap why couldn't I have had all boys?

I got a summons yesterday. I was working out before lunch and this SUV pulled in my driveway and a very large, and I mean large like his thigh was the size of my body large, got out of the car and began banging on my door. Now I know I think I am a bad ass chasing cart stealers at Walmart, and kicking imaginary bad guys with Billy Blanks, but I did not feel like getting stabbed to death so I ignored the knock, thinking if he was there to kill me he probably wouldn't knock which meant he was probably there to sell me something which seriously is probably worse than death. Trying to explain to someone that yes I already have a religion and that Satan doesn't really like me to talk to Jesus (kidding) is just way to time consuming and I had arms to scuplt.

Most of the time I ignore the first knock and they go away, but no. It could have been due to the fact that both of my boys were standing at the window waving at the man shouting at the top of their lungs "Mommy are you going to answer the door?" As I am trying to get them to shut up and move away from the window. And apparently my doorbell works? Who knew. So finally he leaves and as I am making lunch wondering who could it could have been. Weird thoughts start to go through my head like... What if it was DCFS and someone reported me for not putting shoes on my two year old or for letting Nicholas eat the M and Ms in Walmart before we pay for them? Shit. Or what if the sperm donor is suing me. I seriously thought that that scenario could be true since he is forever complaining about how much time he has to take HIS kids compared to the amount of child support he pays me. I even get the phone out and try to call him to see if he is indeed suing me. To which he laughs at me like that is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard of. Probably just giving him the idea to now in fact sue me. Shit.

So I go downstairs and open the door and in my mail box is a summons to appear in court. Which I really thought that when you got summoned you had to actually be handed the summons, but maybe I just watch too much Law and Order episodes? But maybe since it was for not getting my cat (my dead cat) vaccinated, they don't really care how you get told. I can either go to court or pay $100. I call the pound and tell them that my cat is dead, that they were in fact the people that informed me that my cat was no longer living so how the hell was I supposed to vaccinate a dead cat? Apparently they don't give a shit and I still have to pay the money.

There is a man squatting in my kid's playhouse in the back of my yard. I live in a subdivision that backs up to a wooded lot owned by a nursing home. My kids call it the "forest" and claim to see all sorts of magical creatures back there. My four year old kept telling me he saw a man in the forest which I just put off as my son being my son and four and a liar. You know a liar in a sweet "only a mother can call him that" kind of way. So last night I am looking out my window and I see footprints going through my back yard. Now why the hell I didn't notice this before I have no idea? So I like a freaking moron who really must think she can kick ass turn the back porch light on and go outside. My uncle built this play house for my kids this summer which is cool but the kids never really played in it much cause it felt like a sauna in the Summer. I had put a cot in there and some blankets and snacks about a week ago when the kids were driving me crazy and I needed them to go play outside for awhile. Well apparently that suited "Darren" just fine and he had set up his belongings in my kid's play house. I calmly as I could ran back to the house and called the police before the sleeping man could wake up and attack me. They came and escorted him out telling me he would be going to the hospital for evaluation first and then possibly to a homeless shelter. I guess I'll listen to the kid next time he tells me he's sees people in our backyard.

I have lost 5 pounds since New Years. I mean granted its the five pounds I put on over the holidays but I am still counting it. Even though I have to buy a swimsuit since apparently those chicken shit swimming instructors don't want a bunch of two year olds floating around in a pool without their parents in there with them. God. What a bunch of babies. I decided I needed to sign them up for lessons since the two year old has taken to putting his head under water and leaving it there for a strangely long amount of time. So I either have the next Micheal Phelps or the next David Blaine. God help me.

18 comments:

Keely said...

omg - vaccinating a dead cat?? And getting a SUMMONS for it? I love bureaucracy.

Awesome out-of-the-gate randomness! You're linked!

Mama Dawg said...

I would totally freak about the guy living in the backyard.

Cameron said...

Wow!!!

How very thoughtful of you to setup your own mini homeless shelter out back.

Ms. PH said...

I seriously think you need to cut back on the Black Tea. My head was spinning from reading all of that.

And, now I'm really glad I wasn't at home when they came to give me the summons for not vaccinating my cat.

Secret Server said...

That is CRAZY about the man in your yard, and about the summons, and about the love letter. We had just gotten Doobie a three year vaccination (weird optimism?) and I mailed in too much money to register it to get his rabies tag. They just mailed the check back and I am supposed to mail the correct amount. But now Doobie is dead, and I almost threw the letter away this morning. Now after reading this, I am thinking I should call and tell them he is dead?

DeeMarie said...

Michael Phelps. Please. David Blaine is scary.
I can't believe they summoned you for not vaccinating your cat. That's just not right.
Tell Darren I said hi!!

kim said...

dude? how long had that guy been living there! scary! i am way to paraniod to have a back yard now..although the play house is probably bigger than my apartment..humm is the cot still there?
man didn't you get that cat from the pound? i thought they did that before they could adopt them and that is why you have to pay for the kittens? maybe that is a seattle thing..

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Apparently the homeless guy had only been staying there a couple of nights, was hard to understand him since he apparently had had a few cocktails before passing out in my playhouse. Yeah creepy, but he seemed harmless. I took the blankets, and cot out in case he spread the news to any of his other travelers : )

Diane said...

you had a lot to talk about!

"Trying to explain to someone that yes I already have a religion and that Satan doesn't really like me to talk to Jesus (kidding)" this just killed me! lol

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Oh My God Diane and the sad thing is I have about 100 other random things I could have bored you all with. : )The down side of only having toddlers to talk to all day long !

Vodka Mom said...

I'd like to say more, but I'm off to find me some black tea.............

Julie@Cool Mom Guide said...

I had the same thing happen with coffee. I never had it until I found vanilla creamer, then I went overboard. Sorry about the crazy living in my yard, I'll have to tell my bro to find a new place to live!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

OMG, I can't believe you had a homeless dude in your playhouse! That's just crazy.

Captain Dumbass said...

Vaccinating a dead cat? Am I on the Bloggess?

Thanks for the shout.

Katie said...

Holy cow, Sarah! That guy living in your playhouse is so scary!!

And I think that maybe that green or black tea could be why you are having sleeping problems....?

Jennifer said...

We had a homeless guy living in our garage for awhile, once Chris found him he moved to the 24 hour car wash down the street.

(Okay, admittedly it was my brother-in-law so it was much less scary than finding a stranger!)

I, too, love green tea. My co-workers laugh at the many, many, many cups I drink per day. I also drink black tea on occasion and I think it does have more caffeine. Rooibis (sp?) tea is also really good.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

LOL you are too funny! Adding you to my reader :)

D at SeaFoOdpunch said...

Wow, that is one long, amazing, great reason to read and procrastinate post. Thank you for the diverstion!!!

I drink the green tea to keep me going...but i'm sorry to say that It doesnt give me the same fix that crack seems to. If it did, i'd feel the urge to tackle a random guy sleeping in my kid's playhouse too!