Saturday, January 17, 2009

B.O.B. Kicked My Ass

I hurt my knee yesterday. I hurt it so bad I cried when I kicked my trainer Bob. And by Bob I mean my B.O.B. or body opponent bag. I am sure you have seen them in the gym, they look like this...



On a side note: as I am looking for a picture of a BOB I come across this kick ass costume of a guy in a body bag. I totally am going to be this next year for Halloween. I just need to find one that has a woman's body. Oh yeah. Target has got some freaky shit. Who woulda thought?


So anyway I dress Bob up and make believe that I am kicking the shit out of an imaginary attacker all the while getting lean and mean and somewhat scary sounding. Even though it apparently does not help my scaredy cat level since I literally let out a yelp everytime I walk down to the basement and see Bob there. So yeah in theory I could kick your ass but only if I have time to prepare and you don't startle me. God what a wimp.

So now I think I have humiliated Bob by putting some sunglasses and a big floppy hat on him so he looks less intimidating. I think he hates me now and that is why my knee is hurting like hell.

I absolutely love to kick. I got into kickboxing a few years back when I was seriously considering becoming a bad ass girl fighter, all thanks to that television series Fight Girls. They had these 20 or so chicks train in Muay Thai and then beat each other up every week and whoever won the fight got to go on to Thailand and fight the real deal. It was inspiring! I loved it. So I found a gym and a trainer and started to learn the fundamentals of kicking and kneeing and elbowing the living shit out of someone, you know if I was in a street fight. ( I almost spit my tea out laughing at the thought of me in a street fight) Then during a sparing session with another girl I got hit,hard, and I quit. Yeah I know...quiters never win blah blah blah, but has anyone ever been kicked in the shoulder before? I mean granted I have the pain threshold of negative 6,but God Damn it hurt like hell Plus it left a bruise, which is really when my vanity kicked in and I thought what good is showing off my toned arms in tank tops if I looked like I had my own personal Fight Club going on after hours (even though how cool would that be...in theory anyway)?

So I just settled for kicking with Billy Blanks DVDs and going to a gym and doing classes there. Shortly after my divorce I started dating a kickboxing trainer near Bloomington. Which word to the wise its never really productive to train with anyone who you are always picturing without their clothes on. Just sayin'. The whole "Don't shit where you eat" saying really rang true on that whole adventure in my dating career. So that ended and I met my last ex who was also a wanna be bad ass and he owned a BOB. That's where my love affair with this plastic man started.

Until today when apparently the universe is trying to tell me to slow the F down. Or fall down in pain, whatever. I think my over zealous kicking might have something to do with extreme amount of caffeine I have been ingesting lately. I have my own theory that it (caffeine) actually makes your bones more brittle. (I smell medical break through) Since I refuse to believe that getting older means I can't do everything I used to be able to do when I was 21 and still function without straining, pulling, or breaking anything. God next thing you know I will be playing Jenga in a bench in the park.

I have just threatened Bob with the garage sale this Spring. I don't mess around people. I need to be moving on a daily basis if no other reason than the sheer amount of calories I consume in a 24 hour period. If I don't workout everyday I probably could easily be around 700 pounds by March. I swear I am not being dramatic or anything! I have been icing the injured knee for awhile and am pretty pissed since I was supposed to actually go out tonight and you know am usually expected to walk. So plans changed and now it is Taco night instead. Oh be jealous I know you are.

9 comments:

Captain Dumbass said...

I need one of those for my kids, then maybe they'll stop hitting me.

Carrie said...

Oh remember Trent? He was hot!

MM said...

See, now, someone who just reads the title without reading on might think you were referring to a Battery Operated Boyfriend. If your vibrator is kicking your ass, maybe it's time to get a new vibrator.

Vic said...

I thought "Bring Own Beer". Which made me picture you staggering in to the party with a keg strapped to your back.
Judging from the smirk, B.O.B. deserves a good ass-kickin'.

Comedy Goddess said...

I should have one of those to kick around. I sit on my ass way too much!

lisa24n7 said...

Hey I'm up for a good game of Jenga! Will you tumble over the tower if I come at you real quick? ;o) Great blog!

Katie said...

I am so impressed that you, not only run, but you kickbox! I'm lucky if my fat ass ever actually gets on the treadmill that is in my house!

Casey said...

B.O.B. would scare the crap out of me. My friend used to have a Shaq cardboard cutout in his window and I screamed every time I walked past it. I was usually drunk at the time but still.

That body bag costume is genius, I must get one too! Actually, that might scare my kids so I'll pass.

Good luck with B.O.B. Mmmmmmmmmm, taco night.

Debbie said...

I haven't ever seen these things. Fascinating. And that would be the best costume ever.
I probably haven't seen these because of my horrible allergy to exercise.