Sunday, January 18, 2009

In My Life

I stole this list from Debbie over at Suberb Sanity. She cracks me up on a regular basis and I thought this was the perfect meme for a Sunday. (cause you know of the whole stealing thing)

On a side note I was thinking about going back to church, I think about it every Sunday morning...basically because of my Saturday night phone call from my mother reminding me how my kids should go...but have decided that I am just going to watch Big Love instead. Has anyone seen that show?? The third season starts tonight and E is a fan so he wants to watch it with me on Tuesday nights since Californication is over (our first show that we love) So he got me the first season and I am officially like Whitney with a crack pipe! I love that show! Okay Okay back to my point of this blog...

Really who doesn't feel like nothing got done once Sunday has rolled around? When all that was accomplished was alot of table fort games, Elmo tea parties and a couple of empty bottles of tequila...gotta love taco night.
(Elmo tea parties and tequila two totally separate things, so please no angry emails, Elmo likes Martinis sheesh)

As Debbie pointed out there is a meme going round the blog world of a list of 100 things that people can check off if they have accomplished that in their life. Well being how I have pretty much not been all that terribly exciting in my almost 32 years on this planet, my number of things accomplished was pretty low. So why make you feel sorry for me, or anymore sorry for me than you already do by posting my lack of amazing things not accomplished? So instead I will show you my inner felon by stealing this list of Debbie's and pretending its my own ingenious idea. How's that for a nice Sunday thought?

Here is her list of 32 things you may or may not have done in your lifetime, more for us common folk out there...I have put an x next to the ones I am actually admitting to being a part of,plus my own little explanation. Enjoy...

X. Started something you actually finished ---Even though this one is up for debate but I am going to count being pregnant with 4 kids and actually making it to that finish line (birth)

2.Stood at the bottom of a mountain and thought "wonder why people climb that?" --- Does standing at the bottom of the rock wall at Dick's Sporting Goods and making fun of the people up on the wall count?

3. Been booed off a karaoke stage --- I hate to admit it but I have only done karaoke once while I was young and extremely intoxicated. I have been a part of booing other people off of the stage though.

4.Visited Detroit --- Never even been to Michigan *gasp*

5.Given someone food poisoning --- Well since my cooking repertoire includes pouring cereal into a bowl and broiling things I don't think I have ever cooked anything that could indeed be poisoned. And as much as I would have liked to have filled my ex's body with arsenic like that awesome show Big Love...I didn't and now just hope that the current girlfriend is more malicious than me.

X.Walked to the top of a flight of 8 stairs--- Holy Shit. I think this list is even more pathetic than the list of really awesome things that I have never done either in my life. But I do think I have probably at one time or another walked up eight flights of stairs. Do they have to be at the same time???

7.Grown your own hallucinogens --- Well not on purpose but I bet you if you smoked the stuff growing in the back of my refrigerator you might beg to differ

X.Seen a reproduction of famous artwork done on black velvet--- Well yes I have actually been to a black velvet museum. Ohhh and I love that song Black Velvet...and that little girl's smile....

9. Slept on a train or other public transportation and not known why --- I have been too scared to fall asleep on any sort of public transportation, but give me five minutes tops in a car and I am out like a light ( if I am the passenger that is)

X.Held a possum --- Oh my god yes I have and please don't ask me to relive that tale or should I say tail? Ha! I crack myself up!

11.Driven by an area where people were running a marathon --- I have watched one on television once, till I got too tired and went and took a nap.

12.Taught yourself your native language --- And by native language do you mean English Debbie? Cause I still don't know where to but a semi colon or really any kind of punctuation.

13.Told someone to quit complaining since they appear to have enough money to be satisfied --- Um everytime I watch celebrity intervention (God I love that show)

X.Wondered about the whole "Michelangelo's David" relationship--- Almost as much as I wonder about the Mona Lisa and if Dan Brown's novel the Da Vinci Code is really true.

X.Been bought a meal in a restaurant by a stranger (or the owner after you skipped out on the bill)--- Hehe this list makes me laugh. Well I have been bought dinner before by a stranger...unfortunately he wanted more than just a thank-you and was confused when I told him it would cost more than a dinner to get what he wanted.

X.Looked up Africa on a map --- Shit I have to mapquest my subdivision.

17. Ran along a street by moonlight with nice gentlemen in blue escorting you --- Again if my men in blue you mean the police I am gonna have to go with a no. But my ex husband was kind of kinky and his work uniform was blue...

18.Had your mug shot taken --- No Thank God.

19. Ruined a business--- Well not single handily.

X.Eaten a whole box of Girl Scout cookies in one sitting --- Are you kidding me?? I have two kids this year selling cookies! I love me some Thin Mints.... I'm sorry thighs

X.Threatened a Girl Scout if she tried to take back said cookies.--- Not exactly but I did have to lie to my Mother in law once and tell her that her cookies didn't come in yet because I "accidentally" ate them

X.Read a book --- This one I have actually done. I know all the classics by heart..."It's Not Easy Being Small," "Where the Wild Things Are, " "The Cat In the Hat". and most recently the great literary piece "My Truck Is Stuck"

X.Had your name in the newspaper in a section other than "police blotter"--- Well my divorce announcement was in there last year That was exciting.

24.Been on the wrong end of a jury --- No again amazing but thankfully I have only been to traffic court well and divorce court.

X.Walked all over town with old underwear hanging out the bottom of one pant leg --- Oh yeah and they weren't even my underwear....don't ask.

26.Forgotten to pick up one of your kids until someone called you to ask if you had been in a terrible accident --- No but I had this exact same dream the other night, that my son was stuck at pre-school and I for some reason made no effort to go and get him.

X.Eaten an entire container of ice cream - not the small one either - from the container with a spoon - in one sitting --- Oh yeah you know that Ben and Jerry's flavor Cherry's Garcia? That was my obsession one Summer.

X.Hidden the evidence of #27 under something really disgusting in the trash can--- Oh yeah I hid the cartons in the diaper pail. For no other reason except for my own shame and denial.

X.Ducked behind furniture to keep from answering the doorbell to some person collecting for something --- Um yeah I think we all have. Actually I pretended to be the maid one time, but it was only from the religious freaks not from a collection agency. I did hide from subpoena guy .

X.Hidden in your bedroom/bathroom/closet to eat something so the kids wouldn't know --- Are you kidding me? Every. God. Damn. Day.

X.Bought something and hidden the evidence from your spouse --- Well I'm not married anymore, but I used to tell my ex that my best friend "gave" me my new purse or the new sweater or the new shoes, or the new car...kidding on that last one...maybe

X.Interpreted that "7-second rule" to be any multiple of 7, and then served the saved item to guests.--- Um no! who would do such a thing? My house is the picture of cleanliness It really should be in Better Homes and Garden or Martha Stewart. Cause you know my friends really care if I drop their Cheetos on the floor before they devour them with their Chardonnay

Thanks Debbie for this hilarious take on the things we should probably really try and do in our lifetime.


Vic said...

Okay, I'm intrigued by several of these, but I'm now dying to know why you had someone's underwear hanging out of your clothes - was it connected to the kinky uniform games? (And shame on me for asking. It is Sunday, after all, and I should be in church. :)

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I've been watching Big Love as it comes out on Netflix. It is addicting.

Debbie said...

You have taken this to a whole new, and much improved, level. I dearly love your explanations and just about feel out of my chair over you telling your mom the GS cookies hadn't come in. I so know the feeling. I think you could go down the list and make a post out of any of these that you have done. Especially the possum. And the undies.

Vodka Mom said...

that was very cool!! Now, i'm off to check if I have any fun stuff in MY refrigerator!!!

Laura said...

I really liked Big Love until the last few episodes of the last season. Hopefully I will be able to get over it, because really its like watching a train wreck.

blueviolet said...

It's not THAT bad in Michigan. Man oh man. Curses on Thin Mints...they've ruined the best of us.

Braja said...

I love Debbie too, she's a riot. And you'd grown your own hallucinogens if you had to ride overnight on Indian trains. Yikes.

Beth said...

I love your sense of humor. I was a single mom for 10 years (but with only 2 kidlets) and we survived by laughing at all the shit that would happen. My mother fully expected me to be depressed. I think I disappointed her.

Michelle said...

I like that list. And yeah, I'd love to hear both the underwear and the animal stories ;)

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Holy cow! You've held a possum!? There's a family under my porch terrorizing me and my cat. January is mating season and I don't think I'm going to make it.