Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
My ex-husband has the kids this year for Thanksgiving and Tuesdays are usually his "weekend" anyway so I knew he would be there at the program with Nate. I didn't see him at first cause it was crowded in there and I just assumed he would sit with me since Nick would want to eat with all of us.
Big Fat Wrong.
He comes in the dining area where the feast is and he isn't holding Nathan which is odd. Even though Nate likes to pretty much be independent whenever he gets the chance nowadays I thought he would at least have him near him. He walked up to Nick before the program started and gave him a kiss then went to go find a place to sit. I yell "Hey Sperm Donor! I saved you and Nathan a seat if you want" No Thanks, he said, we already have a space. WTF? What do you mean and where is my kid? That's when it happened that's when I saw the woman who has in a sense replaced me. She came in holding my baby and he was surprisingly calm and not spitting or clawing at her neck or screaming demon prophecies. And talk about tears welling up in my eyes. Its okay I love that Nate loves her I just have never seen his girlfriend before today. I didn't know she was coming with her little girl to see my baby sing. I suddenly felt like going over to her and ripping Nathan from her arms and telling her she would in no way ever replace me. But then thought better of it and took a drink of whiskey from my watch flask (kidding, but wouldn't that be kickass?)
We have been divorced for a year now just last week it was a year. Separated for 2 and half, I have dated alot, lived with a boyfriend, and am now dating someone great, since we separated, and I am happy that he has found someone, but it doesn't stop it from feeling all kinds of unnatural to be across the room from one another watching the best part about us singing Thanksgiving songs and not be together smiling and sharing in that. We weren't good for each other, toxic really, but it still makes me sad that we became a statistic. That we were that 1 in 2 couple that divorced. That my babies have to split their holidays and their homes, and their parents. Will they be better or worse off? Who knows. I do know that they see us both happier and healthier than we ever were together and how bad can that be? Plus they get two Christmases a year which was personally my favorite part about being from a divorced home.
Little Nathan never knew his Dad in his house, and the other kids were little too when it happened. They know the word divorce and what it means and have friends who's parents are going through the same thing. Its sad, when my parents split back when I was in 2ND grade there was only two other kids in my school in the same situation, now I bet half of Lily's class is either single moms/dads or divorced parents. Dale and I are very friendly with each other and had always joked that we wanted to be cool divorced parents like Demi and Brice Willis, it hasn't worked out entirely like that but we do agree that even though we didn't work out as a couple we did four things right and I know that both of us wouldn't change that for the world. As hard as it was for me to see him with her today, to know that he has a family with her and as hard as it is to admit that that marriage failed, that the family we had started won't ever be like that again, its okay. Its my new normal. So as I give thanks on Thursday for the ridiculous amounts of blessings I have been given I will be thankful that even the sperm donor found someone to love and spend his life with, that my kids love her, are healthy and damn cute, and that I am sooo much skinnier than her. (Come on you know I had to throw that one in)
Sunday, November 23, 2008
How the hell does David Spade get so many hot blonds? I mean I know they are kind of older washed up actress blonds but dude! I get the whole funny guy thing and we all know from my love of Chris Matthews that I am not the most conventional in my attraction to men...but David Spade? He kind of looks like a rat. And he's short, well I don't know if he is short or not but he looks short. Hmmm I don't get it.
People answering their cell phones in the public restrooms..I mean while they are on the toilet? I try to make it a general life law to not use public restrooms, but when the kid is doing the pee pee dance up and down Grand Prairie yesterday I had to give in and go. While I was laying the toilet paper protective cover all around the rim of the seat I heard someones cell phone ring. Oh I am sure she is not going to get it while she is in there doing her "bizness" . Oh but she did. "Hi Karen, no, no this is a great time to talk" Barf. I am sure that if Karen knew what her friend was doing at that exact moment she would have gladly called her back in five.
Now this goes back to high school days but why do men feel the need to shout out comments from their car when I am running? Seriously, I mean the whole "Hey baby", "What's your number?" "Can I run with you?" They don't make any sense? I am on Allen Road and Big Hollow waiting for the light to change and I got asked the above questions from two different cars. Does that ever work? I mean what if I said "Sure come on get out of your big truck with the cow testicles hanging from the back and come run with me. I am sure your Carhart overalls will be real wind resistant and you could totally make it like a half a block before the smell of deer urine overwhelmed me and I passed out." Great...
Why my son insists on eating cat litter? I don't get it. I mean I see the appeal of playing in the litter box since it resembles a very small sandbox, but eating it? What the hell does cat litter look like that would be tempting to eat? It looks like cat litter. Gag. I am hoping he grows out of it and it doesn't mean he has some sort of vitamin deficiency and I am ignoring it. But seriously cat litter? I am totally blaming the sperm donor's genes on that one.
And some random things as well:
Technology in general, insurance or cell phone plans, really how a satellite television works,why old people drive huge cars, math , spending more then my mortgage payment on shoes, why the McChicken is so damn good, men, Space travel, that movie Memento... the list goes on and on.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Lily (7 year old): In a rare act of kindness Lily agrees. Sure Nick come here. Hugs brother tightly.
Is that better? Are you warm now? Already annoyed that she agreed to touch her brother.
Nick: Yeah that's okay...Mom's hugs are better though.
Lily: Well yeah but thats because she has bigger boobs.
Nick nods fully understanding the "bigger the boobs the better the hugs theory"
Friday, November 21, 2008
Shit now I have The Beatles, Why Don't We Do It In the Road stuck *sigh*
Anyway this is purely and solely a procrastination post. A post that nobody is going to benefit from, no one will think it is that entertaining or humorous but it is what it is. I need to clean, mainly I need to clean the 74 crayons my son stuck down the vent and the bag of chips he threw all over the kitchen floor and is now rolling in getting them all nice and ground up for me and the bugs that I am sure love my house. I need to put back the curtain he tried to swing on yesterday when he got put in his crib for a "time out" mainly a mom time out so I wouldn't hurl him out the window. Apparently my son is a hoarder and so now I need to wash his sheets, wall, son, crib, because all the food he stashed in his crib was somehow spread everywhere I mean everywhere. Oh yeah and litter, cat litter I need to clean out of my washing machine because he dumped the litter box on the laundry room floor then shoved the said box in the washing machine. And yes I do watch him, I don't follow him around 24/7, but hell I have four so its not like he doesn't have people watching him at all times. But he's a sneaky shit like that. I am about to check the back of his neck for the 666 number, but then he is just so damn cute. I swear yesterday while I was threatening to leave him at Walmart he said 'I love you mommy'. Even though he doesn't talk and the only words he can say are cookie and no... oh and he growls now... alot (cute). I think that must have been the gods way of defusing mother's tempers so we don't really leave them at Walmart or else I bet you all could find all four of mine there on any given day. (They love the fabric section if anyone is interested in some kids.)
So instead of cleaning and cleaning and then waiting cause five seconds later I will need to clean again I am going to post this survey a friend of mine sent me. I am a nosy lady so they always fascinate me to learn useless I mean important items about my friends things like what kind of spaghetti sauce she uses or how many times a day she showers...Information I know I will need if an emergency arises. So here is a survey of sorts about some random things! I hope everyone has a great weekend!!
About Me :
First Name? Sarah
Middle Name? Ann
Last Name? Superstar
Nicknames? Mommy, Supreme Goddess
What do you prefer to be called? My Queen
Date of birth? Feb 4 1977
Time of birth? early evening I think
How tall were you at birth? 21 inches
What did you weigh? 7'11
What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius
What is your birth stone? Amethyst
Where is your birth place? P-town USA
What hospital were you born at? Methodist
How old are you now? 31
How tall are you now? 5'7
Brave enough to share your weight? 145
What shoe size do you wear? 10 (don't make fun)
Do you have any tattoos?no
Any piercings? just the ears
What color are your eyes? blue
Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses most of the time, contacts when I'm racing or swimming
Ever wear colored contacts? nope
What is your natural hair color? hell I can't remember
How long is your hair? very short
Where do you currently reside? Peoria
Is this your hometown? yes
How many times have you moved? 4 times
What is your heritage? Swedish and German
What Preschool did you attend? University Methodist
What Elementary School did you attend? Concordia Lutheran
What Middle or Jr. High did you attend? same
What High School did you attend? Peoria High School
What College did or do you plan to attend? Bradley and ICC
What was your favorite subject in school? recess
Did you have a favorite teacher? Ms Richerson and Mr Gutzman but only cause he was hot
What was your least favorite subject? Math
Ever skip class? pretty much
If so, who was it with and what would you do? it was usually with Renee and we always did super cool things like hang out at Lums and smoke or drive to Bloomington to go shopping..we were rebels
Ever gotten detention or Saturday School? nope but I loved The Breakfast Club
Ever been suspended? nope
Did you have a steady boyfriend/girlfriend in high school? not really
What about clubs and organizations? every one of them
What is/was your graduation year? 1995
Were/are you popular in high school? Well I was popular in my group of friends
Whats your mom's name? Nancy
Whats your dad's name? Frank
When did you last see your grandparents? along time ago but will be seeing my Grandpa in December
Do you have a big family? well I have four kids but I didn't come from a big family just my sis and me
Do you have any siblings? younger sister older step brother and step sister
If so what are there names and ages? Angie-40 Marty, 37, Kim 29
Are you the oldest, youngest or middle? oldest and wisest and greatest
Do you have any step or half siblings? already covered that
Do you put your family before your friends? my kids yes
How many best friends have you had in your life? 2
How many best friends do you have right now? 2
Who is your very best friend in the world? Renee
How did you meet him/her? high school
How long have you known them? duh since high school Who wrote this survey??
Do you feel like you are drifting away from any close friends? no
Any pets? a cat and four kids
Who all lives in your house? the kids and me and the cat
Do or did you have to share a room with anyone? when i was a kid I had to share a room with my sis and when I was married I had to share one with my husband lol
Do you get along with your parents? yes
Are you closer with your mom or dad? Mom
Do you feel you are your parents favorite child? of course
What kind of flooring? hard wood
What color are the walls? brown, red, blue, grey, purple, green, orangy
Do you have a stereo? I have a $10 radio from Walmart it rocks the good tunes
Do you have a computer? yes
What size bed do you have? queen
Do you have pictures of friends in frames? friends...no kids yes
Do you have a photo album laying around? yes
What is your favorite possession? My signed Jonas Brothers poster...oh wait no I mean my house
Any stuffed animals? well if that damn cat isn't careful...
Do you keep your room clean? sure
What's your political affiliation? dem
Do you like politics? very much so
Pro Life or Pro Choice? choice
For or against sex before marriage? I'm gonna go with before since we're all adults here
Are you patriotic? sure
Should marijuana be legalized? hell yeah why not?
Are you open minded about religion? I can be
For or Against Gay Marriage? for
Do you really care about the environment? I try to care
Do you care if the polar bears are becoming extinct? are they?
Do you believe in magic? I truly believe that my neighbor pulls real quarters out of my kid's ears and I think he might have actually stolen my nose once...so yes
Ever done drugs? yes
Ever drink alcohol before the legal age? um yes
Ever use a fake ID or one that was not you? nope
Ever sneak out of your house? no
Ever shoplift from a store? yes
Ever steal from a friend or family member? no well unless my sister counts and then yes even though I cant think of what I would have stolen, gum?
What color is the comforter on your bed? black and grey
What kind of camera do you own ? Cannon
When was the last time you hung out with a friend? Wednesday
Have you ever gotten a black eye? during kickboxing
Are you using a laptop or desktop computer? desktop
Have you ever been camping? yes unfortunately
What was the last song you listened to? Sean Hayes
Do you rent movies at a local store or online? neither
Do you like to sing? yes
Have you ever broken a bone? my arm while I was trying to turn a corner on my bike with no hands
What are some of your hobbies? running, shopping, reading
Ever shop at a thrift store? yes
Single or Taken? taken
Truly Happy or Just OK? happy
Book Smart or Street Smart? oh I am the shizzle when it comes to street smarts
An introvert or extrovert? both
Leader or Follower? a bossy leader : )
Giver or Taker? both
Outgoing or Shy? both
Phone Talker or Texter? phone
Tall or Short? tall
Blonde or Brunette? brunette
Day or Night Person? night
Responsible or Carefree? responsibly carefree
Loud or Quiet? Quite...hahahaha just kidding I'm loud
TV Sitcom: Friends
Reality TV Show: So You Think You Can Dance
TV Station: TLC
Movie: Old School
Movie Genre: Comedy
Actress: Tina Fey
Actor: Will Ferrel
Band? Big Star
Artist: Sean Hayes
Mall: Grand Prairie
Clothing Store: The Gap
Grocery Store: Cubs
Website: anything porn ; )
Sport to Watch: running
Sport to play: running, swimming
Olympic event: running
Radio Station: WCBU
Drink: beer or diet Coke
Food: not picky (understatement)
Vehicle: my minivan It is a fanasy...I say that on a liscense plate and knew I had to work it in here somehow
I know I know I am one hell of a procrastinater right? You all should take notes from me.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Mom (31 year old): Thinking about a fireman story she heard recently, involving a hot fireman and a married woman...snaps out of it....
"Oh Yeah?? What's that?"
Sophie: "You Stop Drop and Roll."
Lily (7 year going on 15 year old): Looking at me like she just heard the stupidest statement in the world
"Duh Sophie but only if the fire is on your clothes. If your house is on fire you don't stop, drop, or roll."
Hmmm makes sense.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Later on that evening a bunch of us are at dinner and my lovely friend brings up this embarrassing moment and we all start telling stories of songs we thought said one thing but really we were way the hell off by either ignorance or because it was soo much more fun to sing it the wrong way.
Some were common you know the CCR song "there's a bathroom on the right" and some were soo bizarre and off base it made my thunder chief slip up seem down right understandable...like maybe they had meant to write it that way but changed the lyrics at the last minute. (hey its my fantasy...it could of happened??)
So here are a couple of examples from that night, feel free to make fun or to leave some of your own mis-sings (is that a word?)
Sheryl Crow's song "All I Wanna Do" the actual line is "Till the sun comes up on the Santa Monica Boulevard"...but we always sung it "Till the sun comes up on the Santa Mona cup full of lard" Oh yeah you know you wanna sing it that way too...
And while I'm still on the topic of lard (which I seem to be talking alot about lately) I was a child of the 90's, in high school that is, and Pearl Jam was a BIG one played on many a mixed tape in my car as a teenager and the song Better Man was always replaced with butter man. "oh she can't find the butter Man" We rocked it! (there really should be a butter man...just sayin')
This is one is an old song but one I only recently learned I was singing wrong Walter Egan and his song "Magnet and Steel" which for the record if I had known the song title I probably wouldn't have sung the line "For you are a magnet and I am steel" as "you are the madness and I am real"
I am THE BIGGEST ROLLING STONES fan you will ever meet but I didn't even know the right lyrics to their song "Bitch" I have always sung the words "salivate on a padlocked door" Well I guess its actually "salivate like Pavlov's dog" Hmmm I like my version better.
Here are some more:
B-52’s “Roam” : "Whoa! Nipsy Russell" instead of "Roam, if you want to"
Depeche Mode “Just Can’t Get Enough” or in my friend Erica case "I just can’t get it up"
Simon and Garfunkle “I am a Rock”: "I am a rock, I am in Thailand" instead of "I am a rock, I am an Island"
Steppenwolf “Born to be Wild”: "I like smokin’ ice cream" in reality " I like smoke and lightning"
This one is from my friend Mark I think this might be my favorite: Bryan Adams song "Summer of 69" : the real line is "I got my first real six string" but in Mark's twisted brain it is sung: "I got my first real sex dream"
And the dirtiest award goes to Hank our lovely bartender of the night and his addition of Robert Palmer's song "Addicted to Love" the real line is "Might as well face it you're addicted to love" His version : "Might as well face it you're a dick with a glove"
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I am feeling better and decide to go and run, I am as usual running behind Todd... admiring his ass. For someone that is a major prick half the time the man has a killer body. Probably from running 30 miles a day. Have I mentioned that I hate him? Anyway I am running away thinking about my usual things...the kids, Eric, school, and food. Usually its about food I'm not gonna lie. This is just a sampling of how my thought process about food works.... I am running on University past the post office and I see a yellow car and the yellow car makes me think of butter, and how much I love butter. I start to think about when I get home how I am gonna make me some cinnamon pop tarts and smother them with butter and after I smother them with butter I am goning to go lock myself in the bathroom so the vultures *ahem* I mean kids don't stalk me and eat half of my delicious poptarts. As I am calculating how many miles I would have to run to burn off all that buttery goodness....bam...I run into a telephone pole....Go ahead laugh, I think most of the seemingly hundreds of people on University this morning did. I think they even pointed and laughed, slowed down their car to laugh. Got out of their car and bent over and laughed at me with tears running down their faces. It was not a pretty sight. Yeah I tried to pull it off the whole "WTF? How did that pole get here" The great line from 40 Year Virgin ... "That fucker came out of nowhere" I tried them all but still they laughed. I think Todd was more annoyed than anything that he not only got stuck with a slow running partner he got stuck with a clumsy one. So as I am pulling my humiliated self off the pavement I notice I messed up my knees...great...well at least its not shorts season anymore. I am okay just a few scrapes to my knees and to my ego is all. So let this be a warning to everyone out there pay attention when your running...and thinking about butter.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Water Heaters, Car Batteries and Bloody Fingers 12/10/2007
So I tend to write when things are going shitty or when I feel the need to share my thoughts with the masses, but on this particular day it is a procrastination tool. My life is really good, now mind you I said that yesterday to a friend on the phone and not 2 hours later a pipe going into my water heater sprung a ginormous leak and pretty much rained in my basement for about 30 minutes before me and my knight and shining armor saved the day and found the shut off thingy....Now as most of my close friends and even those who meet me in the check out line at Walmart know, that I am usually not the "go to" girl in a crisis I can sit back and calmly watch someone else have a meltdown...but when it comes to me and my life or any of the people that I love that are directly involved in my crisis then I pretty much just start to cry and want to just shut my eyes and will it better. Which yes I realize that that is very childlike The whole "I can't see you you can't see me" outlook on life. Not the most effective for sure.
This happened Sunday night, the Sunday night before that my 3 year old lovingly slammed his brother's finger in a door and we had to make a trip to the ER just when the bedtime hour was right around the corner for the wee ones and the thought of having a night to myself to run, and read, and do whatever I wanted to was a possibility, bam ole Red had to go and nearly get his finger torn off. I think when it comes to my kids in crisis I am pretty good at keeping it together, that's when then OCD kicks in and I think if I can control the situation, the doctors, the nurses, the whatever that nothing bad will ever happen to them...again not always the case, but it works for now, and I'm not on the bathroom floor calling Renee at 3 in the morning to come and look at my moles on my back So I'll do what works for the moment.
This morning I woke up, got the kiddies ready for school, cereal, brushin hairs, makin lists and washin faces, with bottled water, since if we all remember the water is shut off due to the flood of '07. I go downstairs to the garage and I had left the keys in my car to the "on" position, which apparently will make your battery die, so I call Renee and she helps me get in contact with the guy to jump my car. Uggg which means kids are late for school and I am even more grouchy and oh yeah still stinky from lack of showering.
My water heater is under warranty, which apparently means there is an approval process, they just don't want to look around and see the leaking water heater, and all the water soaked ruined shit and replace it the same day...No my friends that would be too easy. So he replaces the pipe that is leaking and tells me he has to wait to hear back from the insurance people if they will actually replace it, so I tell the guy to Please please lie for me and tell them that it is an emergency and my livelyhood depends on water. The guy laughed and said "Well I'll see what I can do doll", which could mean "Sorry lady you're screwed", or "Sure lady I see and hear the four wild children running around and they look like they need a bath so I'll go to bat for you on this one". That is the one I'm sticking with.
I was thinking last Sunday it was stitches in my babies hand, the Wednesday before that it was Sophie in the ER getting staples in her head, and now this Sunday it was the water heater. I really was all set to whine and play the poor me card. But honestly in perspective yeah last night sucked..it ruined some of my stuff and even more of my knight's things...and I felt really bad about that. It was shitty but there was no blood involved in last night, nobody was hurt. My babies slept like well, like babies through the whole ordeal and we cleaned it up and threw some shit away that can't be replaced, but there was no blood, no death or sickness or dying involved .Today it was the car, and the plumber, and then Nathan's hand starting to bleed again, so another trip to the doctor. I just really wanna shut my eyes and not deal with it.
So we go to Walmart and I think everybody must think the world is going to end with the ice tonight because EVERYBODY was there. I ran in to this girl that a friend of mine used to go to high school with. I knew her a little bit but not a whole lot. Her little girl just passed away from cancer about 2 weeks ago. Here I was telling her about my morning and my shitty water heater and her daughter had DIED 2 weeks ago...who the fuck cares if I have to be inconvenienced and get my car battery jumped ...I felt like an ass but she was very understanding and gracious. I literally don't know if I would be able to stand 2 weeks after such a tragedy, but here she was with her son x-mas shopping, and here I was with my 4 getting milk and wondering if I'm gonna have hot water when I get home. Silly me...
We got home and I turned on cartoons and I went in here to finish up some homework and it was really quite in my house, now those of you with kids in your house, or even those of you that know my kids know that they are never quite. Even when they are sleeping someone is talking in their sleep, so I go out to the living room and they are all asleep on the couch in this little sibling ball of legs and arms and smelly heads. .. even Lily who never sleeps, Lily has Sophie on her lap and Nick is kind of scrunched in between their legs. Well now that's what's important, happy healthy (for the most part) sleeping peaceful kids A peaceful life.My attitude now or what I am trying to implement in my life is to be peaceful, to chose my battles and to try and control my need to control....to control my need for things to be perfect and to try and control my anger at stupid shit...like water heaters and car batteries, and bloody fingers and to step out every once in awhile and just be...just be thankful and happy that those babies are mine and my life is good, I have food and a roof over my head and people who I love in my life. This sounds a little bit like an after school special or a Thanksgiving prayer, but its still the season to be thankful, to be reflective on your life choices.
Not all who wander are lost...now those of you that read my blog religiously know that I have posted this quote on here before talking about how I felt lost, floating around without an anchor I believe I said , needing something to ground me and my carelessness and stupid choices. Well I have made some changes and definitely have slowed down the train , still feel a little bit in need of an anchor of some stability, but I just no longer feel like I am lost..wandering..yeah a little but no longer lost.Its amazing the clarity you receive when you fuck up big time. Have you ever been so tired driving home that you doze off for a sec and then when you startle awake it scares you enough to keep awake?? That's what has happened with me. And thank God I didn't just wake up for a second and then fall back asleep or worse yet fall completely asleep at the wheel and crash and burn ...Don't ya'll just love all of my analogies tonight, I am very wise feeling tonight, maybe its the green tea I am drinking hmmm?
I am happy, I was such an angry person through my marriage and through most of my life really, it was that need to control my surroundings and my life which was very chaotic, the marriage in particular. I like my calm life, as calm as it can be with 4 kids, I like my mind set and my feelings on where I am headed and I'm glad I have slowed down , and I hope to God that I stay slow or at least below the speed limit. Heading in to the new year peaceful and happy..what more can I ask for really. Peaceful and happy because of the decisions I have made for myself and for my family I am happy I am ready now, to risk things again. To take chances and know to not doubt myself. Still wandering..probably I will always be wandering I kind of like to wander...but wander with a purpose. So remember grasshopper... not all who wander are lost...
This year has been one of tremendous change and tremendous losses and tremendous gains and I am ready for 2008 I am ready to start "new" with the new year and to slow down and see what's truly important.
Update: I think looking back I did a good job of "slowing down" in 2008 and as always am grateful that I can start again the next day when I screw up the day before which is lets be honest 5 out of the 7 days of the week. This year has also been a big year of change but a good year and lets face it I still go over the speed limit most days but am working on it. OK I don't think I'm making any sense back to my medicine and my heating pad : )
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Is it just me or is this the longest day eeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeerrrrrr???? I swear I was in an hour long meeting with my advisor and when I came out it was earlier then when I went in!!! Ahhhhh!! This is the day that will never end. All I want it to be is the evening, but it seems like it has been 2:00 forever. I think I am in some sort of twisted Twilight Zone episode and pretty soon I will be 18 years old again because time stops moving and actually starts going backwards...hmmm what am I saying that could be a good thing. Come on 5 o'clock...
Monday, November 10, 2008
- Pass the award on to 6 more kreativ bloggers
- Link back to the person who gave you the award
- Link to the people you are passing it on to and leave them a comment to let them know.
- Request scantily clad photos of your blogger friends of the opposite sex.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
I was reaching for my wine of choice that happened to be on the top shelf, when this man came up behind me and said " Nice calves". I turned around, proud that all that endless mind numbing running had paid off, to thank him when he continued... "Um and by nice calves I really mean nice breasts."
I laughed so hard that if I wasn't already in a relationship I might just have given him my number. I told him he should always lead with the nice tits comment first.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
10. Hugh Laurie (actor) He plays this asshole doctor on the FOX show House and was also for you parents out there the Dad in the Stewart Little movies. Now to my own defense my crush did not happen until he played Dr House ... I don't know something about arrogant men that are arrogant for a good reason. Makes me wanna have a mystery diagnosis that only he could solve possibly involving a tapeworm. Plus in "real life" he has this very sexy English accent that makes him a bit more likeable. I would like to play doctor with him if you know what I'm sayin' .
9. Chris Matthews (political guy) I love him I mean I love love him. He is on MSNBC with the show Hardball where he screams alot and pretends to be a real hardass...but then I saw him on a David Lettermen interview where he was this different guy. For one he was shy, almost awkward and he kept pulling up his socks throughout the whole process. Something about that really brought him down to a human level and he was really funny, geeky funny, but funny. And he had on white socks and dark shoes... his fashion fauz pas was what did it I think.
8. Davy Jones (Singer) Now I mean Davy Jones from back in the day. When I was a kid The Monkey's were on every night on Nick at Night and I would watch that show and think Davy Jones was singing Day Dream Believer to me and only me. I would have dreams that he would come and take me to Hollywood and we would live happily ever after...very Brady Bunch Marsha fatasyisc. And yes every time I hear the Monkey's today I think of that. Davy Jones and Bob from Sesame Street were my major crushes as kids. That and pretty much every male ice skater from the Ice Capades shows...I would sit and kiss their pictures in the programs...Oh I am going to far again aren't I??
7. Anderson Cooper (CNN guy, Vanderbilt heir) Another news guy, but I really fell in love when he was the host of that show The Mole. Does anyone remember that show? It was the best reality show out there, maybe a little bit slow, and no one was really all that exciting, but you had to use your actual brain and try and figure out which contestant was an actual member of the show and trying to purposely get the other people of their team to fuck up. It was the coolest concept ever, and there my love grew for Anderson Cooper. Really who didn't fall in love with him through all the coverage he did of Hurricane Katrina? I really have slight crushes on alot of men in the news outlets. But these two really stand out in my mind as someone I would be willing to put on an actual list of possible hook ups.
6. Will Ferrell (actor) He's funny and he's in my top movie of all time Old School. And I bet he would be a really good drinking buddy. Maybe he would let me go streaking with him??And I could get all the good Hollywood movie gossip. Him in Talladega Nights running around in his underwear...nice.
5. Mike Rowe (TV host) He's that guy on the Discovery Channel who hosts Dirty Jobs. The show that goes around and finds the most disgusting jobs people do and he does them and somehow seems to make them all look like fun by the end of the half hour. Cool show. Sexy as hell host.
4. Steve McQueen (actor) Yeah I know he's dead but damn he was sexy. I loved his movies too again they make me think of my childhood and wanting to date a boy that rode a motorcycle. I think I needed attention as a kid or maybe a more time consuming hobby other than boys? The band Drive By Truckers did a really cool song about him too WAY cooler than Sheryl Crow's. Again I go back to my love affair of men with cigarettes and he drove cars fast and was just really freakin hot. That's about the best 8th grade explanation I got.
3. Lars (drummer from Metalica) Back in the day when me and my best friend would skip high school and sneak over to her boyfriends apartment where we would do various good girl activities you know read the Bible...quilt Metalica was usually on somewhere in the background. I have never been a big band groupie per say. My hair is short and dark and unable to be permed and or teased really high and I don't really look good in white denim so I would probably end up looking more like their accountant than their random fuck...but I could work with that. I am a sucker for an 80s hair band drummer.
2. David Duchovney (actor, sex addict) My love for this man is no secret and I would gladly run off into the sunset with him if only for a night.
1. Johnny Depp (sexiest fuckin pirate ever) Do I really need a reason for him to be on the list? No talking required with him either I am afraid he would be one of those men that it would be better if they just didn't talk.
There are so many others I didn't name some much more mainstream and some much much more ...well not. I know some of these might sound somewhat off the beaten path but let me tell you I was alot better than my girlfriend who unfortunately doesn't blog but some of hers were just messed up. I mean who has a crushes on comic book characters?? What? Oh....sorry Dave. ; )
Back to the gift problem.... I have even cheated and gone on google and tried typing in "unique gifts for men" and the list if not amusing is not really practical. I don't think he has any use for camouflage toilet paper, or a twirling spaghetti fork. I did kind of have my eye on a sweatshirt with the words "Weekend Forecast: Drunk with a case of Horny" mainly though for me. Seriously I laughed embarrassingly long at that one. But other than that I am at a loss. He collects watches but he has three watches from past girlfriends that all cost more than my house payment every month and so I think I am gonna pass on trying to up that gift, since my watches generally come from Walmart and have cute pink plastic bands. He's not a snob by any means he would love anything I give him. He said all he wanted for Christmas was me...so I am seriously considering wrapping a big bow around myself ....but maybe for Christmas night *blush*
He likes cars and watches and electronics. All of which he has a lot of. I think I have seen one book in his house which didn't have pictures of cars, watches or electronics in it so that is out. Any kind of specialty of the month club kind of reminds me of the cheesy gifts I would give my father-in -law, and he isn't a coffee drinker or even a big alcohol drinker (even though I keep having dreams about him drunk at a bar... but that's for my therapist to figure out).Sweaters, hats, socks? Boring that's a we've been married for 10 years gift, not a I still want to rip your clothes off whenever I see you gift. I am stumped. I am thinking I should know what he would like. He asked me last night what I wanted for Christmas... or if I just wanted him to use his imagination. I of course said to pick something out for me and that I would love anything he got for me and then I causally hinted that my neck sure felt empty and that my fingers felt really light lately without anything on them. I know I know I am one smooth lady.
I have looked around his house trying for something to pop int my head about what he might want without much success. I seriously am pretty competitive when it comes to gift giving. I want him to think "Wow she is the best gift giver ever! Even though I never thought I wanted this, fill in the blank here, I now can't imagine my life without one!"
I know I will figure it out eventually...I just am usually really good at giving gifts at knowing what that person would like and finding something special and I can't and it pisses me off! Why can't there be a real Santa Clause????
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
a pocket full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds,
baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened,
the birds began to sing.
Wasn't that a dainty dish
to set before the king?
The king was in his counting house
counting out his money.
The queen was in the parlor,
eating bread and honey.
The maid was in the garden,
hanging out the clothes,
When down came a blackbird
and pecked off her nose!
There was such a commotion
that little Jenny wren
Flew down into the garden
and put it back again
I am reading to my kids tonight before bed, and one of them brings me this book of Children's Nursery Rhymes and as I am reading the one above all I keep thinking about is eating bread and honey, and how freakin much I love honey and bread. Oh and how much I wished I was a queen and had a parlor, and how incredibly disturbing the last few lines are and really hoping to god that my kids aren't having nightmares tonight,but that's besides the point.
I put the kids to bed and see what I can find to eat that would go with honey since I am completely out of bread... damn it! I usually do my weekly shopping when the kids are with the sperm donor to avoid any meltdowns or random acts of WMS, (Walmart Mom Syndrome) at the grocery store, so Monday nights are kind of scarce on the food scene. But I did find in the back of the fridge behind the cheese and the yogurt Crescent Rolls...oh Thank you god of carbs. So before I can talk myself out of it the oven is preheated and they are cooking. I put them all on a plate thinking I will only eat a couple...take them out to the living room all thought leaves my brain as I start pulling them apart and filling them with honey and 8 rolls later I am laying in a stupor on the couch trying to remember what just happened. I think I may have blacked out from all the carbs and sugar. I might have a slight problem and possibly need some sort of therapy for continually eating 3 times as much as the amount of calories I burn everyday. I am thinking it has something to do with my subconscious not wanting me to ever get back into my size 6 jeans so I sabotage it with binges of bread and honey. Damn nursery rhymes and their subliminal messages. I need help.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Lily's school was having a mock election, mainly just trying to help the kids learn how the election process works, which is a hell of a good idea since she is the one that has informed me of alot of the stuff...I had no idea John McCain would be the oldest President if he is elected. Gotta love when your 7 year old out-smarts you. Now basically I realize the kids vote for who their parents tell them too... case in point, my Lily who voted for Obama after I drilled it into her head for days before the actual election throwing in that she would not be in the will if she did otherwise (kidding..sort of). I am doing her hair one morning and explaining to her the significance of this election year. How privileged she is to be an American and to be a part of a piece of history that some people thought would never happen. Whether it be the first African American President or the first Woman as Vice President. How cool is that? For her to be a female and be able to live through this is amazing. It was somewhat hard to explain to her, the importance of this year, the fact that this country is really in the shitter and we need someone to pull us out before the toilet gets completely clogged and spills all over the floor (which had just happened to us so she got that analogy)was the best I could do.
I don't really "do" politics I have my beliefs and my positions and sure I'm geeky and listen to the City Council on WCBU once a month. Hell my Dad worked as the Station Manager for WCBU all of my childhood and I was forced to listen to all those programs, and some of it seeped in apparently. But I am pretty narrow minded when it comes to what I believe in... not a great thing to admit about oneself, but people that have opposing idiotic ideas irritate me. Bothers me to the point that I just have to walk away or else I wouldn't trust myself to behave. I can listen to people who lets say oppose the city taking over the water company where as I agree with it, stuff like that doesn't get to me much. I can listen and talk about both sides. But beliefs in politics that are clearly influenced by how much money they earn, or the church they attend on Sunday mornings... ugh i can hardly write about it with out getting pissed off. So yeah I don't write alot about politics, but this year is so cool for lack of a better word, it is just cool. I am so glad my daughters can be a part of it. They are learning what the American people can (hopefully) do after a massive failure on the part of our government for the last 8 years. And now that I am technically somewhat of a grownup this election means more to me than any in the past. At the risk of sounding preachy, we all need to do our part, it was only such a short time ago in our history as a country that women weren't allow to vote, or African Americans weren't allowed to vote. That is what blows my mind when I hear my 93 year old Grandpa talk about the Civil Rights and Woman's Movements. Thinking of everything those people risked to change the way we think... we have to go and vote on Tuesday. It should be mandatory.
I can't wait to vote then come home and turn on the TV and pop some popcorn and bug the shit out of my boyfriend all night with results, red and blue states, statistics and polls and percentages! The only down side is that Tim Russert won't be around this year. When he died of a heart attack this June I cried for three days straight. Him and his dry erase boards will definitely be missed by this election day nerd : ) So vote even if you don't know who you want to vote for, just vote no excuses! I am watching you people!