Saturday, October 11, 2008

Life, Love, and Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

Tryin out a new font and a new color today just cause I'm crazy like that : )So this week has been really good, got some doctor's appointments out of the way, spent time with Eric in Kewanee, oh yeah and found an old blog he wrote about 2 of his past girlfriends and now I can't get that out of my head... And since I have already written about my doctor's appointments, guess what topic is on the agenda for today? : )

I watched this show on Monday night it was about the people that have 17 kids and one more on the way, they made it into a series of sorts and actually it isn't really all that bad. Well apparently they are really religious (duh) and one of their beliefs in their particular religion is that when you ask someone you love to marry you it isn't so much like if you or I would get asked or ask someone to marry us. No that is just the beginning of the "courting" process and then they can if permission is given by both parents can do things like sit next to each other , and hold hands. No kissing, fondling, and big shocker no sex till the wedding night. What struck me as something that may seem odd but given my current situation sounded pretty smart was that they don't "date" like you or I. They find someone they like ask them to marry them and that's it. No I like you but your second toe is bigger than your first so move along, or I like you, sex is great, but you have a body odor issue...move along. ( I could give a million of these from my past dating life) Nope they don't do that...the Dad of the 17 kids came on and he said that they do this so your heart is pure for the person you want to spend forever with, that the point is to pray and God will send you someone and then you don't get to divorce them if they make your coffee too cold in the morning, which seems to be how easy it is nowadays. The Dad I believe his name is Jim Bob said that his wife had alot of boyfriends before him and that she came with alot of issues and for lack of a better word baggage with her. I sat there thinking (1.) Why hasn't this lady's uterus fallin out with 17 kids? and (2.) That makes sooo much sense! Maybe these crazy religious fertile people have something going on with this idea. Now obviously I can't do that...I can't make my past disappear, nor would I want it to, well maybe a couple of things, but for the most part I live with no regrets. But my point ..and I do have one, is that my issue with my boyfriend is his past, which I even acknowledge is in the past. I love, trust, and believe in him now, but everytime I stumble across a blog from 4 years ago...Now how crazy was that for one??? I am just using the random search thing, just cause I am bored and like to read about other people's lives, and there is his picture. I felt like I was spying on him, and although I am a relatively nosy person, it seemed really private these posts...and WTF haven't I learned anything from my Wednesday night question asking sessions? I wrote about that in an earlier post...if I don't want to know how good the ex girlfriend was in bed why do I ask it?? lol

I understand those crazy people with the kids now I really do or that concept of their belief system. Sure if you can and you think it will work why not just build your life without the history of other people clogging it up. I think I learned something from every person I dated, but why not just learn as you go with your husband and that was it? Eric has been wonderful, he obviously didn't think I would ever come across that blog and he answered all my questions and the thing is I have dated just like he has I have had some shady characters in my life and have done some not so angelic things. He has asked some of that and then leaves it at just knowing, I on the other hand just can't get all I know out of my head and it sucks!! That's why I should have just stuck to my Cosmo questions. You know what it is? It's that with Dale I knew him when he was 20, I was 18 what kind of history do you have till then? Your childhood mainly and most of our childhood history is harmless, high school might have gotten a little wild and crazy but it was high school. The relationships in high school were basically when you were a child. So when Dale and I got together we started to build our adult history together, then when you get a divorce half of that goes and lives somewhere else and you have to start your own new one, by yourself and then if your lucky with other people. With E I want to build a history with him, I want to spend my life with him, but the past history is getting in my way a bit. Not literally but in my crowded thinking too much head. I love him though and I know he loves me, trust is just something I have always sucked at, and the thing is he has never given me a reason in the almost 4 months we have been dating to not trust him...I need to turn my computer off and stop trying to read about his past.I am right at this moment writing this so I don't call him and ask him another question about it hehe. I am getting better at that just not perfect yet.

And on my final note for the blog...aren't oatmeal raisin cookies the best?? They literally make me happy. I made some last night for the kids and the leftover ones were just sitting there on the stove, I got up this morning and was so happy knowing they were there for me to eat for breakfast with my tea. Ahhh tea, oatmeal cookies and a Diet doesn't get much better : )

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