Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Random Thoughts Tuesday-Gettin Nothin But Static From Channel Z*

Oh yeah its Tuesday again. Does the fact that Tuesdays keep coming around so quickly scare the shit out of anyone else but me?

Its been kind of a busy week in my house. Spring is kind of springing which means that everything I was putting off doing because it was cold out is slowly becoming a reality and I am running out of procrastination tools. My kids put a hole through my screen in one of my backroom windows during their fascination with the "guy in the forest". Serves me right for being proud that my kids had active imaginations or thinking that they were just plain little liar liar pants on fires. Their screams of "Mommy there is a man in our forest !!" Were met with my laughter. Ahh the beauty of children. My homeless man is but a memory, but the hole remains. I think I read that exact line on a fortune cookie one time.

I would now like to pay tribute to my new favorite girl crush Vic over What Were You Thinking? and her love hate relationship with flamingos. If you haven't been over to read her do it now. (Well after you finish this and make a wonderfully witty comment) Her blog is what my blog wants to be like when it grows up. Even though my blog is kind of a punk ass blog that goes to the Alternative High School and just got busted for smoking a joint behind the bleachers when it should have been in remedial Math so I don't hold much hope. But a blog can dream....
So here you go Vic, Flamingo Baby by the great Violent Femmes ( I couldn't find the video but the song is almost amazing) .

You're a flamingo
You stand on one leg
You're a flamingo baby
You hatched from an egg
Well you hold your foot up
So delicately over the sea
And when it comes down
It comes down on me
Well it used to want to hump you
I used to want to rock and roll
I was attracted to your gracefulness
But your surprise sure took it's toll
Now I guess I'd better go out now
Gonna try to find something new
And all I'm left with is this craving
For some flamingo stew
Now the beauty is in the gutter
The loveliness is off her throne
In the eyes of the beholder it's gone
And now he feels kind of alone
But this feeling it is the kind that will shortly pass
I'm gonna find myself another bird
And roll on down the grass

I have made up a new drinking game for when I am watching Big Love with my boyfriend.The rules are: I do a shot every time he asks me one of these questions:

"Do you think you will ever let me have two wives?


"So when you are at the gym soaping the other girls up in the shower, will you take pictures?"


"Why do all his wives have to have different houses? Why can't they all just share the same bed?"
Seriously, questions I hear every week. I don't get the fascination. Really? I mean I get the fascination with having sex with more than just one person, but more than one wife? I guess if your whole eternal position in the heavens depends upon it maybe but it just sounds like a big headache to me. So I am gonna get my fifth of Vodka and gear up tonight to get smashed. Maybe I will be more willing to agree to the threesome/naked soapy pictures/plural wives with some rum in me, but I doubt it.
Boobs too? What the hell? They are pieces of fat on my chest. Why why why the need to be touching them all the time? Men have nipples, men have pockets of fat on their chests ( some more than others) I mean why not play with your own? You don't see me
going around touching your penis all day now do you? ( I just laughed that I wrote penis. I think I really am a 12 year old boy at heart). I know the boob issue is a stupid age old question that I will no doubt get some emails with cyber dirty "duh" looks from the men. But that's the price I will have to pay to voice my concern. I am a citizen blogger after all. ( I really have no idea what that means except that I really don't have a whole lot to say this week so this whole post is a big stretch)

My son just came in my office and told me that he knows what hello is in Spanish and then saluted at me? He's gonna go far that one.

My two year old can't really talk yet, and his overzealous 6 year old sister is constantly trying to interpret his grunts and Japanese/Swahili sounding sounds.
This morning Nathan held his finger up to Sophie and says "bwhahtiff"
Sophie says "Oh Nathan you have a hangnail?"
He just stopped his babbling and looks at her and says:
"No! Where the fuck did you get that from? From me holding up my finger to your face? No I want a freakin cookie, when I hold up my finger and say bwhahtiff it means I want a god damn cookie!"
No he really didn't say that but that sure as hell would have been funnier than him screaming No at the top of his lungs now wouldn't it?

The idiot that ran into the ractrack Sunday to catch the runaway tire, made me think back to when my ex husband and I who was just my boyfriend at the time were moving across country to Seattle when somewhere in the middle of Montana I hear him say "Oh shit hold on" Not words you really wanna hear when you are just getting into your John Grisham book. I look up and out the side mirror only to see our tire bouncing down the interstate, never to be found. Yeah you know those turning points in relationships, the ones everyone should go through to see if you and your mate are compatible? Like taking a trip together? Or living together? Or losing a tire on the interstate together? Yeah well we failed all three. But yet we still got married and reproduced. ( I'm not claiming to be a wise man, thank god) On the plus side we got to spend three days in Bozeman Montana (God's country, which I think is on their license plates somewhere ,and where it is mandatory to say "Ahh Montana that's God's country there" at least once a day in that town)where there is no sales tax. That's me alright always seeing the glass half full I tell ya.

My house has been overrun with Girl Scout cookies. I was doing so well on my diet too and then those damn Thin Mints call to me at night. So if anyone would like some cookies just email me your address I will send you some. I promise I won't stalk you and camp out in your kid's playhouse. Cross my heart.
*The song in my title is Channel Z by the B52s. I am somewhat obsessed with their
music as of late and I have discovered that I can run a mile in the span of two Love Shack songs. Who would have thought that would have inspired me to run a 9 minute mile? So if you see me commenting on your page with B52s lyrics, well you're welcome.
This weeks Random Tuesdays Thoughts, well actually every Tuesday Random Thoughts has been brought to you by Keely over at The Un Mom another blogger I wish I had more time in the day to read more regularly. I need some blog fiber.

Happy Tuesday!


Twenty Four At Heart said...

If you just eat all the GS cookies in the first week you get them you can get right back on your diet as if they never arrived.

Don't ya think?

FoN said...

I love the violent femmes! Ahhh, angsty music of my youth....

Girl scout cookies are the devils food. They are pure evil in cult-like packaging.

Spring is nowhere near my house. I'm so desperate for spring or spring related I would even be willing to consider cleaning something for just glimmer of something green. (sigh)

Michelle said...

Oh my you are hilarious!!!

Nice to meet you, I am a follower!!!


Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

I am just laughing really hard, I can't comment. I'm sorry. I think it was the 2-year-old's comments that did me in.

Excuse me, I might pee myself.

Carrie said...

Nathan! That is the cutest picture of him! I dont think I have ever seen chubbier cheeks!

Kurt said...

I tried to be as masculine as Fred Schneider but I couldn't do up the corset. The B-52s ARE awesome though.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Hilarious! Like Petra, I'm laughing way too hard to have a coherent thought to leave an equally coherent comment... I'm stalking...er, um, I mean - following you now! ;)

Happy Random Tuesday! :)

CDB said...

Happy Tuesday to you! The tire bouncing down the highway was the best.. what a way to put the relationship in the spin cycle, eh?

Never seen Big Love, but I can take a good guess what it's about. The Bachelor is the same gig, only their young and unwed. Ah, the freedom!

I have no wit today. But loved this post! Hilarity!

Peggy said...

Great Randoms Sarah! As usual!

Going to check out your girl Vic!

Peggy said...

FYI Vic's link is not working for me...I'm gonna google her! That sounded dirty...it wasn't.

Michele said...

I love the drinking game. What is up with guys anyway? I have JR convinced that he couldn't keep up with plural wives. He can barely keep up with me. LOL!

Anonymous said...

My daughter is a "Brownie" and we just finished selling our cookies. I don't want to see anymore either. I love the B'52's I saw them in concert like 15 years ago!

Thanks for stopping by mine. :)

Sue said...

Sorry that last comment was from me. Didn't mean to go "anonymous" I guess I published it before I filled out the other info.

Julie@Cool Mom Guide said...

Not only are your RTT's awesome, but you have the best graphics EVER. You make me want a homeless guy to call my own. I wonder if my nephew is moving back in?

GreenJello said...

I lived in "God's Country" for a year. It was freaking cold in the wintertime, but I still loved it there.

Where do I need to send my address for the cookies....? :)

Casey said...

Let me just say that I'm going to be singing Violent Femmes and B-52's songs all day today thanks to you. That's not a bad thing, I love both.

Our kids are the same age (born on Dec 20, right?). Graham didn't start talking until recently so I wouldn't be worried if I were you. He went from saying maybe five words to not shutting up (we can't always understand him). I think your kid is definitely thinking those evil things you typed. Give me an effing cookie, damn it!

Happy Tuesday!

Sprite's Keeper said...

Yes, but too much blog fiber can bind up your blog and make it constipated. And no one likes a constipated blog. Luckily, yours looks like it's regular. (I can't believe I just turned your joke into a poop reference. I should totally be sent to time out for my lameness today.)

Elle said...

I so avoided the girl scout cookies this year. I felt a little guilty, but it just had to be done. We're still freezing here and everyone is sick. I just want warm weather and sunshine and to open my windows!

angie said...

I haven't laughed so long in forever. Thanks for stopping by so I could return the visit! :)

Debbie said...

I did not buy a single box of GS cookies this year. I did make some knock off samoas that were incredible. Oh well.

mrsbear said...

My two year old gets royally pissed too when nobody understands him. He's got one word that sounds like "backwards" but isn't, and every wrong guess gets an ear piercing shriek out of him. Good times. I don't get the boob thing either, but maybe I'm just tired of looking at them.

Anonymous said...

I love the randomness.

I don't get the whole two wives thing either - one husband is definitely all I can handle.

I also have a little one who grunts as much as talks - it makes for some interesting sign language.

Bex said...

is that picture of man boobs a pic of jack nicholson on a boat eating a sandwich? that's just not right. unless you are some sort of aboriginal person, you should always wear at least a t-shirt when eating a sandwich.

i think my blog is skipping remedial math just so it can hang out with your blog under the bleachers explaining why it is important to go to class. my blog is very complicated, even its parents, who share the same blood for crying out loud, doesn't get it.

don't be jealous but i got to dance with the b-52's on stage in st. louis back in the 90's. it was as much fun as it sounds. it was so much fun, i broke my shoe. then i got high and walked around barefoot for the remainder of the concert. good times...

bassackwards mom said...

I've finished off my thin mints :) sans two that the snowman got...I'll never live that down.

Ginny Marie said...

I laughed when I read the word penis. What does that say about me? I think we're all secretly 12 year old boys at heart. I also snicker when my husband talks about balls.

Ryan@Cool Dad Central said...

I love the Spanish hello concept...

Keely said...

I wonder if Channel Z stands for Zombie.

No, I'm not obsessed. And Tuesday shows up with alarming regularity around here, too.

I'm not sure I understand the multiple wife thing. Although I could use ONE.

Vic said...

I just wanted to thank you for the lovely things you said today in your post (and the great flamingo lyrics!! How have I missed that song all this time?) I'm sorry today's post was a bit gloomier than usual, but that's life sometimes. :)
I love your blog - it is all grown up, and alternative school just gives it that much more charm. :)
Love ya

Captain Dumbass said...

Girl scout cookies, the Violent Femmes, boobs? This blog's got it all. And that red head from the B52's? Damn, her voice is sexy.

And we want you to touch us all the time.

Mama Zen said...

I'm just totally grateful the you identified the B-52s lyric. That would have bugged the hell out of me trying to figure that out!

Shangrila said...

If this was a post you had to stretch for, I might die from the awesomeness of what you would consider well-written! I'm just sayin'. I am also in "WTF did he just say?!" toddler hell. My sympathies.

P.S. Men like breasts because a) they didn't breastfeed enough or b) they breastfed too much or c) they're plain old bat-shit crazy! No, seriously, I think they represent warmth, sustenance, love. That said there's no way some boobie-lovin'yahoo could convince me to share my husband. Not even in God's country-lol!

Boyd said...

Violent Femmes make the world go round!!!

Anonymous said...

The Violent Femmes rock and I really wish my kids had more of an imagination. Although I would be creeped out by an imaginary man in my imaginary woods in my non existant backyard.

Anonymous said...

Those thin mint cookies are evil. I have managed to avoid them for 2 years now. I think they're laced with heroin. Those girl scouts are up to no good.

Katie said...

Now I have 'Monster' stuck in my head...

There's a monster in my pants
And it does a nasty dance
When it moves in and out
Everybody starts to shout

Monster, aaaah monster, aaaah
Get outta here monster!
Monster! Monster!
Get outta here monster!

Jenni said...

Look, I'm here, I'm here! Internet Exlporer told me there was a problem again, but I just hit refresh and here I am.

Now I'm going to be sining the Violent Femmes all day. And thinking about man boobs. Thanks

Tiffi33 said...

dude. thin mints are my downfall.
I STILL have fat on my ass in the shape of thin mints I ate 3 years ago...
My fave thing to do is buy about 4 boxes, eat one (as a FAMILY...no really..I share!)
and throw the other three in the deep freeze behind a bunch of stuff..and forget about them till july..YUM. frozen cookie goodess!

and OMG MOOBS! you put man boobs in your blog..
I heart you!
moobs always make me laugh!!

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

I'll take those Thin Mints off your hands. In a New York minute.

KayFour said...

One of my EVIL co-workers brought in HUNDREDS of boxes of GS cookies... now half my pants don't fit well. I blame HER for this!

Raven said...

I do not understand man's obsession with boobs either! I am so glad my daughter has a job now and is too busy to sell Girl Scout cookies!

'Love Shack' is an awesome song!

HeatherPride said...

Oh man, GS Cookies!!!! I wonder how many Weight Watchers points they are.....

Diane said...

you always really do have me spinning after one of these posts because i don't even know where to start! lol

what i do know is that i love reading what you have to say. you're always so funny, in a dry sorta way - which is my fav form of funny, of course!

Cat said...

That was so much randomness that it almost ceased to be random. I don't know if I spelled "ceased" right. It looks wrong. Anyhoodle, at least tomorrow's Friday, right?

Chris said...

Loved the b52's reference. Gotta run.....this place is getting to be a Party Out of Bounds ;)

Btw, have you seen my dog? She's dyed dark green, is about 2" tall, and has a strawberry blonde paw.

Wendy said...

I think we have the same two year old.

And you will probably never believe this, but my word verification is "peniz" and now I can't remember the rest of what I was going to say in this comment.