Random Tuesday Thoughts: To Me It's All Just Mental Masturbation

Cause there's only way, there's only one way (drum solo) to rock!

Why is that all of the local radio stations here feel the need to have all 80's weekends? Just because I am the slacker that hasn't converted over to satellite radio I have to be subjected to Joan Jett and random clips of Lethal Weapon? Not really fair

Seriously $30 for Tesla tickets? I am thinking put on wife beater and watch them on youtube, it's practically the same thing. Good seats are still available though. No shit! Even though I would trade my Dora Live tickets for some Tesla tickets right about now.


I had the wonderful good fortunate of coming across the most coveted gift imaginable to any parent....the cheap and available anytime babysitter. I felt like Christmas had come early last week when I realized the girl I had hired to watch my kids this Summer while I go to school full time only charged $5 an hour! Even though I did have to remind her that just because she's cheap it still means she can only watch porn with her boyfriend on my couch only AFTER the kids go to sleep and that the joints have to be smoked with the windows OPEN, no exceptions. I'm a hard ass like that when it comes to the people I entrust my kids too. So being that she was so cheap I immediately booked her for the next 52 weekends. Score one for me.

Eric and I watched a movie about babysitters that were selling sexual favors to the Dad's whose kids they watched. Thank god this one can drive herself home. So if you are reading this Eric, sorry baby. I was googling images for babysitters and there are quite a few pornos with babysitters as the theme. I guess I am just old school and prefer the whole teacher/student scenario. Call me crazy.

Last weekend during my new found cheap babysitter freedom. I met with some local
bloggers downtown at a bar for some drinks. It was really the first time I had met most of the people there and I was kind of like a star struck idiot when meeting alot of them. They were so nice and welcoming and could easily drink me under the table in about 15 minutes so they have my utmost respect.

As previously mentioned on another blog post, which I would link to but 1. I don't know how, and 2. I am trying to, through psycho therapy, block that period out of my life, I wrote about my very unconventional crush on one of my city's great Councilmen, Gary Sandberg. Well he happened to be at the bar that night and after I stopped blushing profusely I actually got to meet him and talk to him. It was a very Marsha Brady meets Davy Jones kind of moment and I was thrilled to have it finally come full circle. Even though I didn't get to see him lick his eyebrows, but you know what? I am okay with that. Some things are better left to the imagination.

Saturday night Eric and I and some friends went out to eat then to a local bar downtown that had a band we all thought would be fun to see. We got there at about 9:30 and had to pay a cover so we asked the guy what time the band was going to start playing, when he replied Oh around midnight I couldn't help but laugh outloud. Seriously Midnight? God damn I am old. I wanted to ask where all the old people that have to get home to sitters bands play but didn't want to look like the kill joy.

But on the plus side, I did get a cool guitar hand stamp that made me feel like a rock star while I drank my Coors Light and made out with my boyfriend in dark corners of the bar. (Actually the making out part didn't happen but not from his lack of trying, mainly from my lack of ability to stand upright for more than a couple of minutes without getting dizzy. I have become quite a lightweight in my older age) Next time I do need to pace myself more since it was quite embarrassing trying to figure out how much money to pay the sitter and my multiplication skills were a tiny bit impaired.

My two year had a busy week last week. His father I 'll just call him the Moron for this story and his girlfriend, hmm lets call her Stupid Bitch, cut off all of my baby's beautiful curly red hair without my knowledge or permission. Actually Stupid Bitch took him, not the Moron. Who by the way, she is a mother and I am still trying to decide if she is just stupid or mean? Why would she take another persons kid to have his very first hair cut? She did save me a curl. Isn't that nice? My kid looks like he could be drafted now but thanks Stupid Bitch for the curl.

Then on Saturday, because it never happens on a week day when doctors offices are open, Nathan is jumping on my bed with his brother and fell and hit his eyebrow on my nightstand. So off to the ER to get factor and observation to make sure he didn't have a concussion. After about a half an hour of trying to convince the resident that yes, he barked at people before the head trauma we were allowed to go home. So now he is a bald little boxer and I break out into song everytime I see him.

"In a clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade and he carries the reminders of every glove that's laid him out or cut him to he's cried out in his anger and his pain....Lie da Lie....etc etc."

Thank you Paul Simon, or was it Garfunkel? Well yeah I don't think Garfunkel really wrote anything except that crappy song New York. He was mainly the looks in that operation no?

The hot guy at my gym always wears a hat while he runs. Always. I would be working out behind him grossed out at the sweat ring that would form on the hat and wonder how stinky his hat collection must be? But his kind of god like phyique helped me get over the sweaty hat issue. As I was pondering one day why he wore a hat to run in,he walked into the gym said hi to me and I didn't recognize him . Why you may ask? Well he didnt have his hat on that day and he is completely bald on the top. Kind of like he put one of those clown wigs on. Bald on top then tons of hair in a circle all around his head. It was disturbing and kind of ruined the fantasy right there. Someone should tell him that the Bozo look doesn't do anything for him...at all.

I watched Marley and Me last night and I cried the whole way through, not just in the end, but the beginning the middle and the end. It was like Where the Red Fern Grows, Ole Yeller, and Charlottes Web all rolled up into one, instead of a cute little comedy about a dog.

I feel so much better now. I am sure all my facebook friends were getting sick of me posting updates on my life every 5 minutes so I thought I would come back off of my blogging break and write it for all the cyber world to read. Random Tuesday Thoughts is once again brought to you by Keely over at The Un Mom and by all the useless mess in my mind.

Happy Tuesday!

Just A Song Before I Go....

Well I am not really going anywhere, I just love that song and it came on my iTunes as I was trying to think of a good title for this post. It was either that or The Bitch is Back and really Elton John Sarah? I desperately need to clean house on my music collection...

I first want to thank everyone who has emailed, commented, called, thrown eggs at my house, wondering where the hell I have been. I usually try to comment at least when I haven't been posting, but I have been a slacker all around the blog community. To tell you the truth there was no great reason not to post except I didn't want to. I channeled my inner 7 year old girl and rolled my eyes and stomped my feet in protest of writing anything that wasn't school related. Blogging had started to take up a huge part of my brain and I needed that part. I had started to walk a little off balance and run stop signs, it wasn't pretty. Because you know, travelling twice the speed of sound, its easy to get burned (Thanks for that line David Crosby)

One of my favorite bloggers recently said that she wasn't going to say she was going to stop blogging all together, because as soon as anyone said that they were done they were suddenly inspired to write like Shakespeare. So I won't say I am done, but I wont say I am coming back to it entirely either. Just wanted to let everyone know I am here. I have been trying to read all my blogroll and know that if I didn't comment I am laughing/crying/getting angry/reflective in the comfort of my bedroom. Hopefully the words and inspiration will come back eventually and you all will have one more blog to take up your time in the mornings.

The Game of Life

The fact that I may or may not come across as crazy to you people is something I struggle with on a day to day basis. The simple fact of the matter is I will never meet most of you face to face. Peoria, IL where I am at, has a wonderful group of local bloggers that I was really fortunate to stumble across when I first started this whole "blogtastic adventure" The fact that the community of bloggers in my local area is so great and so talented and so close nit and the fact that I am just at the cusp of starting to meet some of them and hang out with them and hopefully form friendships with them was pretty scary considering some of the topics I have posted about on here. I tell someone from California or Canada the fact that I love John Denver well yeah so what, but when I know that people who I will most likely meet are reading it as well, or people that I have already met are reading it well quite honestly that scares the shit out of me.

My point of this and I do have one, is that I don't mind coming off as little off balanced to my cyber peeps. When it comes to people I love, well yeah not so much. I strive to be as close to perfect as I can be for the people around me. I wouldn't call myself a people pleaser, but I like to make the people I love happy. I don't want to let anyone down or disappoint them in anyway. I am sure all good things, except when all that pleasing and acting a certain way and trying to be something interferes with life and the quality of said life. When it means sacrificng a part of who you are by nurture or nature or luck of the draw who you are to be what you think that person wants, well that's when it can become a problem. And that sucks. It sucks big time. I don't really know how to change it either.

I get so incredibly scared of losing the people I love.  I have lost so much in the past that sometimes I overcompensate in that department. I either try way too hard for that person to love me or else I am the extreme opposite where I do anything at all to make the other person come to hate me (which to be honest the later is much more easy) The part of me that wants to believe that love will conquer all knows full well that it doesn't always do that. That sometimes despite our best efforts love will fail us and love will lose the battle and the war. The paralyzing thoughts about if loving anyone is worth it because that love might someday cease to exist and then what? What is our purpose? I have alot of issues. I have alot of guilt and alot of shame and trust issues. I need to have perfection at times when I know that all I am capable of is mediocrity.

Relationships since my ex husband have run the gamete of being incredibly easy and fun and carefree not caring if there was a future, or a past even, just living in that moment. To being so in love with someone that I don't want to go any further because you know that it will hurt so badly if and when it ends. The whole reason why I went from one man to the next,the whole reason why I never wanted to have children, the whole reason why I never wanted to get another pet even, is that risk of loss. The risk of loss is so great that I just didn't want to even try and love at times. I have missed several opportunities in my life because of that fear. Some when they have begun have ended by my own choosing and some others were forced to end because of that very reason. I think I may be at risk of losing the one person I love more than any other (non related) human being. The fact that I can get a little crazy, I can get a little scared and start to push and run and reason in my head all the ugly reasons why it will fail instead of see all the beautiful reasons why it could and should succeed is hurting us and it is a painful reminder of what I am not.

As I get older as my kids get older I am beginning to realize that I am in charge of this sculpture, this painting, this play, this game called life or whatever other metaphor (or is it analogy?)you wanna give it, I am in charge of creating the life I want to lead for the next 40 years or so, the universe willing, and I am wasting a lot of it by imagination and fear. I don't want to fuck this up. I don't want to do something or say something out of fear and anger like in the past that will show a side to me that I may be willing to show to my cyber people but am terrified to show to the one I love more than anything.

I need some clarity.

To love is to risk loss.As the great CS Lewis wrote. The loss by abandonment or death or distance. The choice I need to make is if I am willing to make that risk...

Random Thoughts Tuesday-Gettin Nothin But Static From Channel Z*

Oh yeah its Tuesday again. Does the fact that Tuesdays keep coming around so quickly scare the shit out of anyone else but me?

Its been kind of a busy week in my house. Spring is kind of springing which means that everything I was putting off doing because it was cold out is slowly becoming a reality and I am running out of procrastination tools. My kids put a hole through my screen in one of my backroom windows during their fascination with the "guy in the forest". Serves me right for being proud that my kids had active imaginations or thinking that they were just plain little liar liar pants on fires. Their screams of "Mommy there is a man in our forest !!" Were met with my laughter. Ahh the beauty of children. My homeless man is but a memory, but the hole remains. I think I read that exact line on a fortune cookie one time.

I would now like to pay tribute to my new favorite girl crush Vic over What Were You Thinking? and her love hate relationship with flamingos. If you haven't been over to read her do it now. (Well after you finish this and make a wonderfully witty comment) Her blog is what my blog wants to be like when it grows up. Even though my blog is kind of a punk ass blog that goes to the Alternative High School and just got busted for smoking a joint behind the bleachers when it should have been in remedial Math so I don't hold much hope. But a blog can dream....

So here you go Vic, Flamingo Baby by the great Violent Femmes ( I couldn't find the video but the song is almost amazing) .

You're a flamingo
You stand on one leg
You're a flamingo baby
You hatched from an egg
Well you hold your foot up
So delicately over the sea
And when it comes down
It comes down on me
Well it used to want to hump you
I used to want to rock and roll
I was attracted to your gracefulness
But your surprise sure took it's toll
Now I guess I'd better go out now
Gonna try to find something new
And all I'm left with is this craving
For some flamingo stew
Now the beauty is in the gutter
The loveliness is off her throne
In the eyes of the beholder it's gone
And now he feels kind of alone
But this feeling it is the kind that will shortly pass
I'm gonna find myself another bird
And roll on down the grass

I have made up a new drinking game for when I am watching Big Love with my boyfriend.The rules are: I do a shot every time he asks me one of these questions:

"Do you think you will ever let me have two wives?

or

"So when you are at the gym soaping the other girls up in the shower, will you take pictures?"

or

"Why do all his wives have to have different houses? Why can't they all just share the same bed?"
Seriously, questions I hear every week. I don't get the fascination. Really? I mean I get the fascination with having sex with more than just one person, but more than one wife? I guess if your whole eternal position in the heavens depends upon it maybe but it just sounds like a big headache to me. So I am gonna get my fifth of Vodka and gear up tonight to get smashed. Maybe I will be more willing to agree to the threesome/naked soapy pictures/plural wives with some rum in me, but I doubt it.
Boobs too? What the hell? They are pieces of fat on my chest. Why why why the need to be touching them all the time? Men have nipples, men have pockets of fat on their chests ( some more than others) I mean why not play with your own? You don't see me
going around touching your penis all day now do you? ( I just laughed that I wrote penis. I think I really am a 12 year old boy at heart). I know the boob issue is a stupid age old question that I will no doubt get some emails with cyber dirty "duh" looks from the men. But that's the price I will have to pay to voice my concern. I am a citizen blogger after all. ( I really have no idea what that means except that I really don't have a whole lot to say this week so this whole post is a big stretch)


My son just came in my office and told me that he knows what hello is in Spanish and then saluted at me? He's gonna go far that one.

My two year old can't really talk yet, and his overzealous 6 year old sister is constantly trying to interpret his grunts and Japanese/Swahili sounding sounds.

This morning Nathan held his finger up to Sophie and says "bwhahtiff"

Sophie says "Oh Nathan you have a hangnail?"

He just stopped his babbling and looks at her and says:

"No! Where the fuck did you get that from? From me holding up my finger to your face? No I want a freakin cookie, when I hold up my finger and say bwhahtiff it means I want a god damn cookie!"

No he really didn't say that but that sure as hell would have been funnier than him screaming No at the top of his lungs now wouldn't it?

The idiot that ran into the ractrack Sunday to catch the runaway tire, made me think back to when my ex husband and I who was just my boyfriend at the time were moving across country to Seattle when somewhere in the middle of Montana I hear him say "Oh shit hold on" Not words you really wanna hear when you are just getting into your John Grisham book. I look up and out the side mirror only to see our tire bouncing down the interstate, never to be found. Yeah you know those turning points in relationships, the ones everyone should go through to see if you and your mate are compatible? Like taking a trip together? Or living together? Or losing a tire on the interstate together? Yeah well we failed all three. But yet we still got married and reproduced. ( I'm not claiming to be a wise man, thank god) On the plus side we got to spend three days in Bozeman Montana (God's country, which I think is on their license plates somewhere ,and where it is mandatory to say "Ahh Montana that's God's country there" at least once a day in that town)where there is no sales tax. That's me alright always seeing the glass half full I tell ya.

My house has been overrun with Girl Scout cookies. I was doing so well on my diet too and then those damn Thin Mints call to me at night. So if anyone would like some cookies just email me your address I will send you some. I promise I won't stalk you and camp out in your kid's playhouse. Cross my heart.

*The song in my title is Channel Z by the B52s. I am somewhat obsessed with their
music as of late and I have discovered that I can run a mile in the span of two Love Shack songs. Who would have thought that would have inspired me to run a 9 minute mile? So if you see me commenting on your page with B52s lyrics, well you're welcome.
This weeks Random Tuesdays Thoughts, well actually every Tuesday Random Thoughts has been brought to you by Keely over at The Un Mom another blogger I wish I had more time in the day to read more regularly. I need some blog fiber.

Happy Tuesday!

Wordless Wednesday

I am so proud.



I actually don't think that's his middle finger in the picture. It was either that or admitting that my son is a big fat nose picker. I choose to believe he was telling me to fuck off. I think the black and white tint gives it a nice artsy touch. Like he's telling me to fuck off in a French accent.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Random Tuesday Thoughts again. Is it just me, or am I just random? I am starting to rethink my reasoning for blogging in the first place and am considering taking up knitting or scrap booking, synchronized swimming perhaps.

I have about 15 different ideas of semi intelligent thoughts in my head but when I go to try and make a blog post about them it all comes out like this: blah blah blah blah I'm a little teacup short and stout here is my handle here is my spout blah blah blah. Seriously why can't I form a coherent post lately? Or ever? but lately I just haven't had my blogging mojo in tune. I think Stella took my groove and she isn't giving it back. I need my groove Stella. Damnit don't make me raise my voice.

I have discovered the most wonderful combination of two things ever! Dare I say the best thing since peanut butter and celery, apples and Martinis, woman with big
boobs and Chicken wings, yes it is that good! It is brilliant and I almost don't want to share my new found explosion of deliciousness with the world, but because I am just that nice and have nothing else to write about I will share. You will need a bag of jelly beans, not those spicy ones or jelly belly freaky tasting ones. The normal Easter is here jelly beans. Now we all know how much the purple and the red jelly beans rock right? Of course you do. Black licorice ones are only for when you're desperate for a sugar fix and the lemon ones are only for when you want to remember back to when you were 17 and got drunk on frozen lemonade and vodka, and the orange ones are good for bribing 2 year olds to go pee pee on the potty (seriously since becoming a parent I can't even remember the grown up word for potty. You can all feel sorry for me its okay). But what do you do with the rest of the flavors? I have found the perfect combination of jelly beans....ready? The pink ones and the green ones together in my mouth is pure happiness. Green and pink by themselves? Disgustingness. Together, lovely. Try it. You will thank me I guarantee it. You are so welcome.

Is it just me or did that paragraph sound like it was written by a 12 year old? No offense to the 12 year olds out there reading this who I am sure can write more
entertaining drivel then this. I had a comment on my last post about how I sounded pessimistic so I don't want to disappoint. Since I already pissed off the crack dealers I don't want to irritate the already irritated.

While spending an exciting Friday night at home this past weekend channel surfing and eating jelly beans I stumbled across the Animal Planet's show called Jockeys. Has anyone seen this television masterpiece? It is so exciting and it is really making me wish I was 9 inches shorter and about 70 pounds lighter and wasn't deathly afraid of horses. Or just that I really wanted to throw some of my money away on horses named Jockey Itch or Harry Trotter. I can't decide? I always thought of horse racing as seedy and shady and all the other words associated with gambling, but this show profiles the jockeys (they were pretty smart with the title) and how they are pretty much all multi million dollar athletes. Except if you don't win a race then you get paid in horse feed. This show is almost as good as The Mole Hunter.

I wish I was British and could go around sounding cool with my British accent saying things like holiday and sneaky and little bit. It just sounds so much better with a English accent. Come on try it, its fun.

Why can't divorces ever go smoothly? It took about 18 months from the time he left to the time we were actually divorced to get everything settled the way we both could agree on, and now he is being a total asshat again. The ex , since I am in school and not working at the moment, claims all four of the lovely offspring on his tax return and in turn is supposed to split the refund with me, till the youngest gets to Kindergarten or until I start working again. He told me a couple of weeks ago he was getting so much money wrote me the check and all was good right? Hell no. Because nothing can go that smoothly. I thinking he was up to his sneaky asshat ways looked up online how much of a refund he got and turns out the moron, I cant believe I actually was ever naked next to, messed up the tax return and he got $600 more than what he thought he was getting. I told him about his mishap but he wont give me the extra $300. Its all so immature and irritating I just want his head to explode. (Cause that is mature)

I bought a new kickboxing heavy bag today. To replace that sassy B.O.B. that hurt my knee. (that will show that plastic torso of a man who's boss) I am so excited to start kicking again since the only kickboxing class my gym offers involves combining martial arts with hip hop dancing and believe me No one wants to see me try to do that. So I decided my basement was as good a place as any to get my Hilary Swank(circa Million Dollar Baby) physique back (even though it was no where near Hilary Swank physique ever but it sounded good) Now I just have to figure out a way to get 250 pounds of sand in the base of the bag so it wont go sliding across the basement floor everytime I jab cross upper cut. ( I am so bad ass seriously stop me)

I spent Sunday with E and his 12 year old girls and I am so scared to become a mother one day to 12 year old girls its paralyzing. Even more than that I am petrified to be a stepmother to 12 year old girls who at any minute change their mood from "Oh my Gawd Sarah so and so is my BFF forever I love her" during a conversation to crying and hysterically telling me that they hate her guts and never want to see her for as long as they walk the Planet Earth. Holy hormones I was scared. To be completely honest I don't really like kids. I love my own but I am really thinking that's only because they came out of me. Other people's kids? Well they're cute and I love to hold babies and little kids are pretty cool cause you can eat a banana and they think you're hilarious but 12 year old girls? I'm scared.

Well that's about all the randomness this week. Check out Keely over at The UnMom for all her awesome random bloggers. And if anyone has seen my blogging groove can you please tell it to get it's ass back home, its been out way past its curfew. Thanks.

Happy Tuesday!

Random Word Generator

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the Random horror! Seriously I do not just want to write

random things and post music videos for the rest of my blogging career do I? I read other bloggers and their tales of Grilled cheese Men and library books , interesting things like lawn Flamingos and scary clowns you know good shit like those guys. I have a bit of blogger envy at the moment since all I got is how I think I may be lactose intolerant and that would suck cause I love love love me some Lite Cool Whip, it tastes just like, well almost kind of, if you close your eyes and pretend, like vanilla ice cream and it only has 20 calories for every two tablespoons, which I know adds up when you sit there and eat the whole container but hell better than a whole container of ice cream.

I am tired I mean like I feel like I got hit by a Mac truck tired. I went to sleep last night at 10 PM which is probably normal civilized world bed time for most people but for me I am a night owl so to go to bed before midnight is like admitting that I am old. That I might miss something fun if I go to bed early, just like when I was a kid. I went to bed early and I am still tired this morning. If I was throwing up my Cheerios I may be worried I was pregnant but so far so good so lets just count that as a blessing.

I have been working out on this thing called the elliptical cross trainer at the gym, its like an elliptical machine but you kind of walk up instead of out. I love it, it is alot easier on my knees than running and lots of other good shit my brain cant wrap around the right words at the moment. So last night as I am falling asleep my brain goes to me on the elliptical machine and apparently in dream land I am a klutz cause I fell off it and did that whole seizure like jerking thing you do when you are between sleep and wake land. yeah good thing I was by myself cause I was even a little bit scared. .

This past weekend between my two daughters and my oldest son I had 5 birthday parties to go to! Which is just a pain. I have noticed this trend in my son's preschool lately with the birthday parties. On the invitation it says where the

party will be and what time and then at the bottom it says "Little Johnny has decided that in lieu of presents this year he would like his guests to make a donation to (insert charity of choice here) in his name" What the fuck? Little Johnny is 4 years old! What the hell kind of four year old says he doesn't want presents for his birthday?? I don't think its fair really. You know it was Johnny's pretentious snotty Mom who wanted people to think that they are better than you because they are teaching their son the meaning of the word compassion. Well good for them, but I bet you a million dollars the conversation went something like this :

Pretentious Mother: Little Johnny , how about this year instead of your little friends getting you presents we have them donate some money to the fire station instead?

Little Johnny: Hell no Mom you said I could have a Wii and a razor scooter and a hooker when I turned 4!!!

PM: Oh well don't worry Johnny your Daddy and I decided that we will still get you every single thing you wanted but we need to pretend that we care about other people so we need to make people think we donate some of our money to charity, so play along okay for mumsie??

Yeah I know I am sure that is not at all how it happens I am sure that my son would gladly give up his transformers to the local VW Hall so that their next singles mixers could have some punch.

Sorry I am bitchy when I am tired.

Koolaid is like wet flour when your two year old son spread it all over the back room and you are trying to clean it up for about 10 days and everything you touch keeps turning red. Do you think it is illegal to put him in a cage till he turns about 5 or 6? Yeah I thought so...

I got my first hate comment the other day. As previously mentioned I had the great honor to be featured over at Blogtations a site where they take nominated quotes from different blogs and post them on their site. Well GreenJello nominated one of my quotes from another one of my Random Tuesday posts it said this, "I have found the equivalent to legal crack, black tea... etc etc etc. Well I got a comment on their that said this: (now realize I can write this now and laugh but it almost made me cry when I read it the first time. Yeah yeah shut up I am a tad sensitive in my real life)

"You: I have found the equivalent to legal crack"

" Me: Fuck you, you offense piece of shit"

Now damn I can't figure out why people would get pissed at that?? I was talking
about black tea. I mean the only thing I can think of is that I pissed off the local crack dealer who lost some business to Lipton's when they read my post and thought "Black tea? Really? Like crack? I think I'll go check that out instead! Sorry Cockroach I don't need any crack today gonna go over to Krogers and get me some black tea. Yeah I read about on Sarah's blog." I mean that is how it happened in my head anyway. Someone suggested that maybe it was someone who was affected by crack? Whitney Houston perhaps? That would be cool if Whitney Houston read my blog! I called my four year old BOBBY all the time when he was little cause their reality show was on at the time and I am slightly demented.

Is it just me or do other people who watch House on a regular basis check to make sure there isn't any blood whenever they cough? Seriously that show is turning me more into a hypochondriac then I already was. Everyone starts out with coughing
blood then its all downhill from there unless you have House and his team. They always think its something easy like MS or cancer but then it turns out to be tapeworms or pretend pregnancies. I love that show. Hugh Laurie could take care of me anytime.

I have this problem (well one of many) that when someone says something a word or a phrase I immediately think of a song that has those words in it. Its slightly annoying to anyone who doesn't know me and only slightly less annoying to my friends who are forced to play along. Here is the conversation I had with my neighbor the other day.

Neighbor: Hey Sarah!

Me: Hey J! How are you?

Neighbor: Great! I just got back from the doctor.

Me: Oh yeah? Did he give you the news?

Neighbor: What? I mean yeah I guess. I have anemia.

Me: Does he have a bad case of loving you?

Neighbor: Well my doctor is a girl so I don' think she loves me, maybe as a patient but no...Do you think she loves me? Why what did you hear?

Me:I just heard that no pill will give her the cure.

Neighbor: slowly backing into the house and shutting the blinds realizing suddenly what I am doing.Possibly considering putting her house for sale but after realizing the failing economy decides to stick it out another year.

Me: Laughing like the dork that I am. I know I am sure you are all feeling sorry for me and my general lack of entertainment in my life that I have to stoop to acting like the village idiot, but you should try it sometime, its like crack (oh wait sorry angry commenter, I mean like sugar free gum)

I am in the car the other day telling my 3 oldest that they need to pick something to be in this Summer like soccer or softball, or dance lessons so I can sign them up for it before the classes fill up.

My 7 year old Lily says:

Lily: Mom I want to take aerobics class!

Me: Lily I don't think they make an aerobics class for 7 year olds.

Lily: Well can't you just tell them I am 8??

Me: Yeah Lily you only want to lie about your age being older than it really is ONLY until you're 21 then you can tell people you're younger. (Yeah I'm definitely gonna win Mom of the Year for that little life lesson)

Lily: OK Mom well then can I take cheer leading lessons.

Me: (Throwing up a tiny bit in my mouth) Sure honey whatever you want.

At the gym this weekend I saw a local news anchor. He stopped me at the water fountain and asked me if I was Sarah Superstar. Why yes I am Sarah Superstar I replied. He actually knew my Dad who is a somewhat semi known personality around Peoria. After he introduced himself and I told him I was a fan I did what I normally do when meeting someone that I have never met before...make an ass out of myself. I couldn't just have shook his hand and went on my merry way could I? Hell no what fun would that be?! I had to go and make a half hearted attempt at being funny. I said to him and I quote" Man you look taller in person" You see he sits at the news desk every night and I was you see trying to make the joke that he is taller in real life....yeah I think I scared him too. Lesson learned.

My second book club was Sunday night and let me just say it is soo much fun to just be around women. Intelligent funny women. I am by nature not a fan of hanging out
with women. I don't know what it is about me but women don't ever seem to like me, right away anyway. You know those girls at the gym or at school who are strangers before class and best friends an hour later?? Yeah not me. Never was me. Never will be me. I am content with my group of friends and never felt the need to be for lack of a better word overly "friendly" to strangers. These women though are genuine and I feel like I can talk and hang out with them and I feel comfortable with them, not like I am trying to be something I'm not. Which was the song I sang while I was with a pretty high powered man who had a lot of snooty high powered friends and I hated the thought that I was constantly being judged by what brand name my jeans were. These woman are successful and sane and normal and I totally heart them all because of that.

End ass kissing now.

Well that's all for the randomness this week. I have another 6 or 7 birthday parties this weekend and tonight is take out Chinese food with Eric and BIG LOVE!!!! I am only slightly more excited to see Eric than I am to watch that show, which we'll just keep our little secret k? Thanks! How could my life get any better???

Random Tuesday Thoughts is brought to you by Keely over at zthe Un Mom. Go check her out and all the other people that have joined this random cult I mean cool gang of bloggers.

Happy Tuesday!